Post the first 3 sentences of your WIP!

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BethS

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Seeking clarity for my fantasy short story:

Sennah’s eyes opened and she knew her humble room, her bed — and the thick-knuckled hand stretching up toward her. Her gaze ran from his arm to the shoulder she’d snuggled against and saw the first splatters of blood. Then torn skin beyond, pale and freckle-dusted.

What physical arrangement for the two of them do you get from this?

I could not make sense of it. If the hand is stretching up toward her, how can she be lying next to him? Or is that where she used to be but now she's in some other position? Either way, I can't visualize this.
 
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BethS

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It's a waking-up opening, but still, it's intriguing. The third sentence was a drop in tension for me, but if I were to read on and discover that it isn't sleep paralysis but something more sinister, then I'd be OK with that. ETA: I did wonder how she could speak if she's paralyzed.


Originally Posted by Wilde_at_heart

Here's an opening I've been dithering about, depending on where I decide to start the story. Right now it's a tentatively ditched chapter.
As Etienne woke her body tingled, electrified and her heartbeat echoed in her ears. She tried to cry out, kick her feet, pound her fist against her headboard, but she couldn’t move.

“Sleep paralysis,” she told herself, “calm down.”



 
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BethS

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You get the first 4 cause the third makes little sense without the fourth.

The rules are the rules. We don't make exceptions. Though fwiw, you could easily have made the last two sentences into one sentence.


If, once, there had been a time of peace between the Deyn and the Haj, none live to remember it. The land is split by war, its people in a constant battle for supremacy. To the North live the Deyn, an empire founded on science and industry.

This seems to be all set-up and backstory. While there have been perfectly fine novels that opened this way, you might find this a hard sell with agents these days.

Me, I'd keep reading for another few sentences to see if the story begins.
 

BethS

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Nothing...I just noticed a few others had added the 4th sentence to help make sense of the others so I figured I would do the same. My apologies...

Hey, everyone makes mistakes. But I am a bit surprised that you didn't notice how every single one of those posters with four or more sentences got scolded for breaking the rules. :) At least, it's been that way ever since I started commenting in this thread.
 

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The level of snark seems to have risen beyond the requirements of this thread.

Here's the way the thread started:

This thread is inspired by the "first five pages" thread. Quite a few people expressed the opinion that it's not what happens, it's how it's said that hooks the reader. Personally, I read the back of the book to get an idea of whether I'll like the plot; then I open the first page and read the first few sentences to see if I like the style. If I get to the end of the page and I've read without skipping, I'll buy it.

SO-- post your first three sentences! Are they gripping? Do they read well? I feel like the opening sentence of any novel is as important as the closing sentence.

If someone posts more than three sentences, stop reading.

It isn't a crime against the gods.

Nor is this SYW. I expect the mods will be along shortly, but I'm noticing a pattern of inappropriate snark, and I'm locking the thread for wiser and less grumpy heads to deal with.
 

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The level of snark seems to have risen beyond the requirements of this thread.

Here's the way the thread started:



If someone posts more than three sentences, stop reading.

It isn't a crime against the gods.

Nor is this SYW. I expect the mods will be along shortly, but I'm noticing a pattern of inappropriate snark, and I'm locking the thread for wiser and less grumpy heads to deal with.

In fact, I just deleted a post as your were posting. I'll do some cleanup, but this is the SECOND time recently this thread has had to be locked.

I'm going to think very long and hard about whether it should be opened again, since people can't seem to be helpful in a respectful manner.
 
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