Your wish is granted...

Granted.

You get the Japanese ones that a: come in odd flavors, like squid ink, and b: you have to bake yourself.

(Not making either of those up.)



Allow me to clarify: I wish it would snow HERE. Like "To Build a Fire" levels of snow.

Granted. You get the snow you want, but unfortunately you're at work when it happens, and get snowed in over the weekend

I wish I had all the answers.

Granted. But you don't have the questions anymore. Life is boring without them.

I wish the girl who's coming in ten minutes for a keyboard lesson would phone and cancel so I have some free time.

Granted.

A last minute beginning tuba lesson gets scheduled instead. You're good with that, right?



I wish it would snow like mad tonight. (Third time is the charm, right?)

Granted. It snows like mad tonight. All over the world. Everyone is snowed in and unable to leave their houses for weeks.

It is the End of Human Existence.

The Polar Bear Age has begun.


I wish I was a polar bear.

Granted. You will soon become extinct.

I wish I had electric eels to power everything in my house, because that would be environmentally friendly.

Granted. Although environmentally friendly, PETA gets you on animal cruelty.

I wish I could eat as much sugar as I wanted without consequence.

Granted. You eat all the sugar in the world but the other sugar consumers are angry and have started riots.The whole neighborhood is burning around you and eventually everyone dies except you but you have your sugar as your only friend.

I wish a woman would stand next to me in the train and make a move on me.

Granted. Your grandmother... *ahem*

I wish I lived in a rainforest.

Granted.

Just ignore that venomous viper. And the spider the size of your face. And the jaguar stalking you. It'll be fine, promise.




Okay, seriously now, I want my @#$% snow day (he says in his best Samuel L Jackson voice). Buffalo is buried under the next snowpocalypse, and despite being just down the lake shore we've got only a couple of inches. STOP TEASING ME WITH ThE SNOW, WINTER WEATHER GODS!!!!!

Denied. You didn't say the magic word.

I wish I didn't diagnose myself with a new illness every other day.

Granted. You do it every day.

I wish slcboston would regain his sanity.

Denied
There are some things even a genie can't do


I wish the glass was half full

Granted. Every time you order a drink, the bartender only fills it half way. But you pay full price.

I wish you could get a guarantee that things would turn out okay.

Granted. It costs a fortune and runs out after one week. But that was one blissful week...


I wish slc would turn into a snowman

Granted, slc is a snowman, and melts come spring. That wasn't very nice.

I wish I actually had a real genie.

Denied. That would put me out of job.

I wish I were more muscular.

Denied, for compassionate reasons. Do you know how heavy muscles are? Your weak bones would collapse under their weight!

I wish all my characters would stop dying

Granted. Your characters live forever. Because, like john Keats, Nathaniel West and Stephen Crane, you die young. Tragic, aint it?

I wish all the frozen planters on my deck would empty themselves and walk down stairs to the basement. --s6

Granted: A massive earthquake hits, knocking the planters onto the frozen ground, and splitting them open. The force of the earthquake cracks open your basement wall allowing the planter shards to slowly vibrate through the now gaping hole.

I wish I could go ice fishing this winter.

Denied
Nonsense .. You can't fish for ice. You have dig it out of the cold cold ground.

I wish I had just a little more sauce for this plate of spaghetti

Granted. Here ya go, some nice red sauce for your-

oh. yes. Well, never mind, I'm sure what I gave you will taste just as good as red sauce. Now if you don't mind I need to replenish the vampire's lunch - just a little...


I wish I was a werewolf.

Denied
I don't grant wishes containing 4 w's

I wish I would windward go

Granted.

Wait, this is some kind of fart joke, isn't it?

*reconsiders*




I wish I was more motivated to grade papers. But only slightly so. Don't want to overdo it.

Granted. You grade the papers and it turns out the students all plagiarized. You have to write every single one of them up under the honor code / bring them before the senate.

I wish I were more graceful and steady on my feet. I'm tired of tripping over my own shoelaces.