Dear Character (Thread 2 in the Talk to Me Series)

Dear Richard*,

I don't like you. Nobody likes you. Why do you think you're getting a POV? I don't want you to have a POV. STOP YELLING IN MY EAR ABOUT HAVING A POV. I already have four POVs, and there's no room for you.

Crankily,
Liz

*No, Real-World Richard, not you.

Dear Kay,

I'm sorry. It gets better soon, I promise.

Until I kill off the only person you trust.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything...

~ Anna

Nikolai,

you'll get more Russian in the edit. Until then, just, y'know, believe it? It's who you are, not what you say, all that crap.

Lots o' love,

YOUR INFALLIBLE CREATOR

John, I'm sorry that the chief of police has anger management issues and that he's giving you a rough time. I really am. But this is the way it has to be. Oh, and I hate to tell you this, but it'll actually get worse before it gets better. On the bright side, though, it will eventually get better. Hang in there.

Dear Magnolia,

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster writing you right now. Your emotions are all over the place and I'm worried you might bite. Understandable, I know, after what you've been through, but you need to get it together girl or you'll have no one left!

Love,
lindz

Dear Raman, formerly Richard:

Fine. FINE. I'll say it, but only once: I need you, and you get a POV.

But don't go soft on me. You only get the one soft underbelly moment. I need you to be an a*****e, so don't try to make me like you.

Bastard.

Love,
your annoyed creator

Dear Rhianon,

Yes, I know you want to show up a little earlier in the story. Don't worry, you'll get plenty of foreshadowing. I need to make sure Jesse is all squared away as the story's protag first. It's only another chapter or two before you turn up. Waiting won't hurt you.

Love,
Lillith

Lydia,

I wish I could say it gets easier. It doesn't. Suck it up, love.

YOUR INFALLIBLE AND ONLY-EVIL-WHEN-THE-PLOT-DEMANDS-IT CREATOR

Dear story,
I need to wrap this up- any time now- no you can't introduce an entire set of new characters, you are already servery bloated and need diuretics before I even think of editing!

Dear Raman,

Goodness, but you're a jerk. To everyone. Indiscriminately. You're quite egalitarian, really.

I think I'm getting a big crush on you.

Love,
me

Dear Raman,

Regarding what you told me tonight: That explains a lot.

I'm sorry, dear. But at least things will start getting better now.

Love,
me

Dear Leliel,

I'm happy to be writing you again but where are the smart quips and witty retorts? Did you hit your head or something?

Your confuzzled author,
S.

Dear Zak,
Well, after a long hiatus, we're back together again, you and I. Things are going to get worse this time around, and if you thought you hated me in the first draft, just you wait.

Your one and only God,
Q

Dear Jessie,

I'm glad you're getting more real estate, but help me out here. I have to finish this by March 1. Be more concise.

Love,
me

Dear Lissa,

I know you want more time centre stage, but you have to meet me halfway... or at least a little part of the way... or maybe just stop turning your nose up at every plotline I come up with. I'm trying my best, ok? Just give me something to work with.

And while you're at it, take it easy on Drake. I know, you just met, and he got you shot, and everything, but trust me, his heart's in the right place, and I really think you two could be friends. You should be friends. It's kinda the point of the story (partly). And he is the main character, after all.

What? No, you're not the main character. Yes, the story is about you, but it starts with him. Because you're all secretive, that's why. Starting with you would ruin the big surprise when your secrets come out.

Yes they will. Seriously, they'll have to come out at some point. Like I said, give this guy a chance. Things are going to get very difficult, and if you leave him shut out for too long, it might get you killed. And I don't want to do that.

Oh, don't give me that. For once, I know what you're thinking. Your usual tricks won't work on me, and you still don't realise that you're in way over your head. Seriously. Talk to the guy, get to know him. And while you're at it, let me get to know you a little better.

-Anax

Namatu said:

Dear Idea,

I would like a character please. Or a conflict. Either one would help me progress you.

I can be patient. Thank you.

Namatu

Click to expand...

THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.

Dear Plotbunnies,

Yes, I see you. Yes, you're very interesting. Yes, you're extremely distracting.

For the last time, NO, I do NOT have the mental capacity to deal with you!

Thanks,
Management.

Dear Lyst and True,

You people were not this difficult to write in the first draft. What happened to us? We used to be chill. Just...open up, you know? Let me in. Stop making me write you line by line, word by word, like squeezing blood from a rock.

So help me, I'll trunk you for another 6 months if you keep this up.

Your jaded creator.

Dear Old Project,

I spend over a YEAR daydreaming about how I'm going to fix you and polish you and submit you to a publishing house. The minute I start the rewrite, you clam up on me. WTF? Do you *want* to be published, or are you enjoying your quality time with my hard drive more?

HELP ME PLEASE.

Your confused creator and slave,
S.