Scenes from a hat!

3. Kaiser-Kun juggling kittens with his mind.

4. An eccentric doctor turning an island into a colony of hyper-intelligent kittens.

1. I've got a bone for you

2. Not on my leg. Get off my leg! Off!

3. "Your ticks are really getting on my nerves!"

5. Don't lick that and then kiss me! Ick!

Really bad political platforms

1. the Obama board walk

2. Trickle Up Economics

3. Eugenics isn't optional

4. Cake or death?

5. "You are entitled to nothing."

Bad places to hide your chainsaw

1. Someone's face

2. In bed.

3. In your pants.

4. Next to your wooden leg.

5. Next to Kaiser-Kun's keys.


Bad ways to hint that someone's zipper is down

1. So...no underwear today, eh?

2. Grab his junk. "This is what happens when you leave your boys unprotected. Zip it or lose 'em."

3. Shoot rubber bands and scream "He scores!" when one goes in.

4. Shout, "Step right up, ladies! A treat for the eyes! Only ten cents, ladies! Hurry, hurry, hurry, before the zipper closes!"

5. "Hey, did you know Elias Howe, the inventor of the sewing machine, also invented something similar to a ZIPPER? But the ZIPPER as we know it wasn't patented until over 40 years later by Whitcomb Judson, who also invented the pneumatic rail car. The word ZIPPER itself was actually a trademark of the B.F Goodrich company for use in rubber boots. ZIPPER is obviously an onomatopoeia based on the sound it makes. But I'm sure I'm boring you with all this ZIPPER talk. Guess I better ZIP it and let you take care of some unfinished business."


Five craziest things you'd rather do than answer the fifth scene in "Scenes from a hat" and have to come up with the next scenario.

1. Wear a golf club cover as a hat, burn incense, and pray to the thread gods for inspiration.

2. Explain our taxation system via interpretive dance.