Grandma Susie's House of FUNNERS 'N FLOOZIES (Volume V)

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alleycat

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And our somewhat crappy but funky baseball stadium.

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Silent Rob

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Does that guy know he's pitching in the wrong direction?
 

alleycat

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He's Australian!

Actually, that's the pitcher warm-up area for the opposing team.
 

alleycat

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And our funky arena, where hockey is played. And where Elton John is playing soon.

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Silent Rob

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I hear he's pretty brutal in attack.

Go Elton!

ROAR :D
 

alleycat

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Except when he's playing Lily Allen.
 

alleycat

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By the way, I would have jumped at the opportunity to read your exciting short story . . . but I'm sort of knee-deep in helping someone else right now and it will probably take another week. I would have time to read and comment on your story after that.
 

Silent Rob

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Thanks, ac!

PMs sent and stuff!

*jazz hands*
 

alleycat

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I'm assuming the story is full of jazz . . . and cats.
 

Silent Rob

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It's about vampires! And weight loss! And Texans! And Goths! And golf carts!

Hope that clears everything up.

ROAR :D
 

WriterWho

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Joke (might actually be true):

Perusing a homework survey, Kid 2 asks, "Mom, in your opinion, does Kid 3 have curly or straight hair?"

Mom responds, "It's more straight than curly."

Half asleep Kid 3 replies, "It's hijacked."
 

SWest

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A plane full of passengers sits on the runway. After several hours, their head stewardess announces over the intercom that "we'll be leaving as soon as the pilots get here."


Two men, dressed as pilots and led by guide dogs, walk up the plane. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit.


The passengers tell uneasy jokes, but the engines start and a tense silence falls. The plane taxis normally to the runway.



As the plane nears the end of the runway, the passengers begin screaming, but the plane lifts off just at the last possible second.


The passengers laugh over what has obviously been a practical joke.




In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says, "One day those people are gonna scream too late and we're gonna crash!"


:banana:
 

WriterWho

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Joke (might actually be true):

Kid 1 slams his door. Twice.

Kid 3 stares. "Mom, when is he going to be out of this phase?"

Mom deadpans, "Around 21."

Kid 3 gapes. "That long?" A thoughtful expression. "Am I going through that phase, too?"

Mom keeps a straight face, stating delicately, "I love you, honey."

Kid 2 snickers as she walks by, eating her second helping of macaroni.
 

Sydneyd

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lol. Okay, let's have some jokes. I need a few chuckles. There's prelicks in it for yah :) :Cake:s!:)

I was *just* going to ask for the same thing. You're psychic.
 

Chrissy

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An elderly man is having trouble with his memory. Problem is, his elderly wife is, too.

They visit the doctor, who confirms that this is indeed the case, a common consequence of old age. He suggests a medication. The couple talk it over, and decide to refuse.

"We'll just pay better attention," the husband says. "We'll try harder. We'll remember if we just put forth good, honest effort."

The next night, the man says to his wife, "I sure could go for some ice cream."

The wife replies, "I'll get it for you. Would you like strawberries with that?"

"Yes, I would, thank you. Do you think you can remember that?"

"Oh yes. Ice cream and strawberries. How about some hot fudge?"

"That sounds delightful. That's three things now. Can you remember?"

"Of course! Ice cream, strawberries, and hot fudge. Whipped cream?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Ice cream, strawberries, hot fudge and whipped cream. Got it."


Twenty minutes later, the wife emerges from the kitchen. She hands her husband a plate.

On the plate are fried eggs, grits, and toast.

The husband yells, "Gosh darnit, woman, you forgot the bacon!"
 
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