The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

Ken Hoss

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel
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Haha, better be careful, Ken. We might be seeing a genre change if Kelli keeps this up. ;)


I hope I don't have to change genres, I'm not that good at writing XXX stuff. :D (Reading it is another matter.)

If you liked that one, here's one I did write today.

Kevin cooked dinner for Kelli. (Yes, ladies, he can cook too!) He is rushing her out of the kitchen so he can get it cleaned up. (Yes, he cleans up after himself too. What a shocker!):D

“Just go, let me get this place cleaned up. Then we can have dessert.” He grinned and winked at her.

“Well why didn’t you say that in the first place? Don’t take too long.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I’m always ready for dessert.”
 
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Namatu

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Oddly, the second Gabe isn't one of the things up for change haha. I really, really like it better "Gabe" than "he." I can't explain it, just do. If one of them changes, it would be the first not the second. Anyway, it's not so much tension as that being feeling tense. This kid is really, really tough to explain. I'll leave it as it is now and consider it as part of the whole when I go back and edit since we've got mixed feelings and it's not necessarily clear. ;)
Well, you can change the first one instead. If you insist.

Oh and uh...

Eek it's Namatu! *runs away in horror*
You're going to make all the nice people here who've never met me all scared! I am nice and sweet and... and... :e2fight:
 

heyjude

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Oddly, the second Gabe isn't one of the things up for change haha. I really, really like it better "Gabe" than "he."

ITA w/kaitie. There is a good flow to the sentence.

Besides, we're just having fun in this thread. No critting! :tongue

My favorite from today: “I don’t mean offense, sir,” Garrett said, “but you’re not going to get in my way, are you? Because that would make things harder for everyone.”

Garrett is wonderfully soft-spoken. He saves all his energy for hurting people when he really has to. :)
 

heyjude

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You're going to make all the nice people here who've never met me all scared! I am nice and sweet and... and... :e2fight:

Aw! She thinks we're nice! :heart:

Wait... is that a zombie wielding nunchucks?
 
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kaitie

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Namatu's a she. :D At least...last time I checked. Granted, it's been awhile...

That zombie ninja does look a bit masculine.
 

kaitie

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ITA w/kaitie. There is a good flow to the sentence.

Besides, we're just having fun in this thread. No critting! :tongue

My favorite from today: “I don’t mean offense, sir,” Garrett said, “but you’re not going to get in my way, are you? Because that would make things harder for everyone.”

Garrett is wonderfully soft-spoken. He saves all his energy for hurting people when he really has to. :)

Haha, well I did ask. ;) I like the line Jude!

I've got one from yesterday to share. I've got two characters named Bob, one a lawyer and one a publicity agent. To distinguish between the two, the other characters call them Lawyer Bob and Satan.

Satan was standing in the living room, between a nervous looking Gabriel and Harper. Brings new meaning to the phrase, "speak of the devil."

Nothing big, just amused me.
 

bigb

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Maria was like old Hollywood, attitude, grace and medicated. If Lauren Bacall and Betty Page had a baby… and Grace Slick injected it with her favorite chemical cocktail, you would have Maria.


WIP Matter of Fact Brutality
 

HistorySleuth

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“Just go, let me get this place cleaned up. Then we can have dessert.” He grinned and winked at her.

“Well why didn’t you say that in the first place? Don’t take too long.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I’m always ready for dessert.”

DANG! :popcorn:
 

HistorySleuth

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My line for the day.

Pepper flipped to a clean sheet in her steno pad. They were filling up quick. “Other than you, how did she treat the girls?”

“Better, but not by much. They were like her little princesses, if they were good. Pretty dresses, ribbons in their hair, spit polished shoes. They got away with a lot more. But if they were really disobedient, well, she had this poem. …”

All of a sudden lunch wasn't sitting very well on his stomach. "I remember that poem." Dave said. “There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead; and when she was good she was very, very, good; but when she was bad she was horrid.”

“Creepy Dave, that you would remember that.” Beth said, hugging herself as if she got a sudden chill. “Then Shelia would say, and you know what happens to horrid little girls don’t you?”

“What did she say would happen?” Pepper asked.

Dave had the same icy feeling as Beth. “They’d be sent to hell.”
 

sheadakota

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wow! great lines- I hope i am worthy of posting here- this is from the work I just edited;

"So, I shoot anything that moves, right?"
"Keep talking like that and I'm taking your gun away."
 

heyjude

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Wow, guys, this is fun. Everyone's making me laugh or giving me chills (in shea's case both!).

Special welcome to bigb! Have you told us yet what you're writing in the thread cleverly titled "What we're writing?"
 

kaitie

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Shea, it's awesome. As if we had any doubt haha. :tongue It didn't creepify me, though, just made me laugh. Then again, I've got that sort of sense of humor.
 

bigb

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Thanks for the welcome and I just did

peace
 

HistorySleuth

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My line for the day

"I'm not talking to myself." Dave countered. "I'm not even talking out loud. I'm having a debate with myself in my mind, there’s a difference. It’s how I analyze things. You know, get the right angle for the story. Sometimes I'm right, and well, sometimes I'm right."
 

mtrenteseau

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I was really pleased with the scene where my MC proposes to his girlfriend, and laughed heartily at re-reading the scene where she tells her parents, but they both seemed far too long for this discussion.

My MC's girlfriend is the social features editor for a major fashion magazine. Charles, the couture editor, is a very self-assured gay man.

She handed him the picture. "This girl, Margaritha Lupinskaya, was doing informal modeling, walking around with a card with the designers’ names on it.”
“I know what informal modeling is, thank you,” Charles said with mock haughtiness.
“They found her at two in the morning in one of the fitting rooms.”
“Drunk?”
“Dead.”
“My God.”
 

Ken Hoss

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel
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My line for the day. (Hot off the presses!) I just wrote it. :D

Kelli, my MC, is visiting her partner Bill in the hospital. He is out of ICU and in stable condition. (Spoiler: Bill's wife Sherry died from her wounds after she and Bill were gunned down on a Brooklyn street.)


Kelli fought back a tear as she looked at him. “How could I forget my favorite partner? You look great.” It was a lie. “So how are they treating you? I think that cute nurse out there has a thing for you.”

He attempted a smile. “You mean Jessica? Yeah, maybe. But I think she’s just in love with my scars.”
 

bigb

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This probably don't need a set up.

I've been stuck in SYW so long I forgot to have fun

My MC's first experience with his mentally ill first love. She's 25 and he's 17.


She was smooth, fierce, and beautiful sex. I was teenaged awkward quick draw McGraw. I’m afraid there’s no Penthouse forum ending here. I didn’t mind, I still enjoy the memory of her walk towards me. She didn’t mind either, she had successfully created a monster.
 

kaitie

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This probably don't need a set up.

I've been stuck in SYW so long I forgot to have fun

My MC's first experience with his mentally ill first love. She's 25 and he's 17.


She was smooth, fierce, and beautiful sex. I was teenaged awkward quick draw McGraw. I’m afraid there’s no Penthouse forum ending here. I didn’t mind, I still enjoy the memory of her walk towards me. She didn’t mind either, she had successfully created a monster.

I really, really like that. :)