- Joined
- Dec 21, 2005
- Messages
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The sharp pinch of the needle was followed by the warm, comfortable feeling of the A-Bomb now making its way through Enrique Moltke’s veins. He fell back into his seat as the syringe pulsed with the beat of his heart. Outside the dew began to fall. Noises and shadows melted into a continuous sensation that Enrique rode like some dead mariner on a haunted sea.
Nice imagery there, but...
If Enrique is about to die, why are we starting in his POV? Why not start in the POV of your protagonist?