But, you missed the point. Cella is going to buy the DRC to shelter her over-taxed French Billionaires. If she gets billions in reconstruction aid then she'll have to hire people, and those people will want candy. In order to get them candy, she'll have to buy vans. If she buys vans, she'll buy them from Ted, and Ted will paint them blue. The blue vans will trigger an upsurge of National Pride in their billionaire infested country, and because of that, the candy-eating people will want flags. These flags will be blue, with blue vans on them.
Now, billionaires, as a whole, do not drive around in vans, blue or otherwise. Therefore the billionaires will inevitably insult the vans. When they insult the vans, they'll insult the people. Now, since the people are infused with National Pride, they will not stand for the insults and they will go out and get machetes and put them in their fists and hunt down the billionaires, slaughtering them all like the mindless python encrusted zombies they are.
If the billionaires are all slaughtered, they will not be able to pay Cella, and she will be forced to move to Crystal City and work as a GS-17 at the Government Accounting Office.