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Help me write what I care about before I lose everything

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lostlore

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Abstract

In essence, for those of you who don't want to sit through my pathetic story, is that I need to know how to decide what to write. How do you know what you should be doing, what you should be writing? My head is full of details, scenes, atmospheres and ideas, and I know that all of it is "literary" but I make a living writing magazine trash and don't know how to replace the latter with the former.

The story

I live in misery. I've been this way for years and the ailment I suffer from is a special kind of writer's illness, one I've never seen discussed in public or written about. I've never even heard about it before, but I've lived with it for years the way some people carry chips on their shoulder, and now as I approach the curves of middle age at dangerous speeds it's getting acute -- I can use a mentor or the advice of outsiders and I appeal to the board in general for help.

I'm a professional writer, have been for years. You'd know my byline if you looked for it.

And I make a living at it, although of course it's too modest -- right around the national average income, minus the health care and days off.

The trouble is, I deplore every word I've ever written in my capacity as a professional. I've only done it for experience and for a paycheck as I bought time to write the "real" work that I knew I had to.

I don't dispute the quality of my day-job writing -- it's good for what it is, magazine "top ten" lists and celebrity interviews and feel-good company profiles and whatnot. People like it, my bosses like it, it (barely) pays the bills.

But the clincher is, I never wanted to be this kind of writer, I don't consider myself this kind of writer, this is just a means to an end -- keeping my family fed until my ship comes in.

Now I've reached the breaking point where there's nowhere else to sail to: I know these waters and it isn't where I want to be. It's either sink or swim, figuratively, and I need help figuring out what I've been doing wrong.

The dream came early

Way back when I was a college boy and decided that I would live my life out as a writer, I wanted, as I do today, to be a novelist, a writer of great literature: primarily novels, but also stories and all the winsome literary trimming the job requires, including essays and letters.

So I stumbled with the keyboard, learned lots, tried to write novels and stories and essays and letters and failed laughably at them all, and learned some more. I had no teachers or writing friends, but I was clawing a dream, and my fingers refused to give.

After a few years out of school I had experience at a few newspapers and had gotten feedback from lit-mag editors and in off moments of my day job as a tech guy I was beginning to get short articles published in top national magazines.

These articles were nothing I cared about, but they were easy to do and it was a boost to my ego to see them (and see how much they paid). But I never thought I would make it my career -- I hated it as much as I hated the tech job, it was just experience and not the kind of writing that I had to do. I didn't have to write these things, and in fact I preferred not to: I could have had any number of careers and be equally happy. But it was writing, and I was getting paid for its publication, so I thought I was making progress. (The day job paid a lot more, however.)

Meanwhile, I nurtured the dream. I wrote a novel that had a faint glimmer of what I wanted, and I knew that I had to focus on that. I expended too much energy seeking out fellow writers, people of my generation who shared my outlook and aesthetic, on the mistaken notion that a writer must be part of a community in order to succeed -- you know, the next Lost Generation or Beat Generation, the English Romantics, the Left Bank, I was very openly and hungrily looking for something like that. (Although I later dropped this mirage-hunt, I do know from experience that networking and interaction is essential to success). I traveled, found and photographed a number of gorgeous-looking fakers but nobody who was really working at it, so I eventually carried on alone.

Full-time professional

Eventually I grew impatient so I quit the tech job and lined up enough steady freelance work to live on: at least this way I could be said to be a writer. Suddenly I was mired in magazine articles, news pieces, the works. The only word to describe it is "facile," although it was time consuming to have enough work going on to maintain a decent income -- at that point, it became my full-time job.

I never bothered with the literary magazines because I considered myself a working writer -- I write to eat, so the thought of submitting to a journal that nobody reads and getting little or no pay out of it is against all my instincts. I know that there are a few literary journals that pay decently, but it never seemed to me that I (or anyone) could possibly make a living writing for them in the same way that one can write for Sports Illustrated, GQ, PC Magazine, and so on. And postmodernism was not what I was doing, I was not an academic, so I ignored the literary press altogether.

Meanwhile I wrote the "important" work on my own whenver I could, with no publication in mind, no guidelines besides my own crazy heart. The trouble is, while this work felt good to write and I piled up lots of it, it was all twiddlings in the end -- no completed works that could actually be published anywhere.

I can come up with a hundred ideas an hour, maybe more, for these magazine articles that I hate to write. And I can come up with even more literary descriptions and scenes and backstory and characters and atmospheres for what I love, but in the pursuit of this "important" work I never found a form that tied everything together into coherent stories.

After a few years with no breakthrough, and no completed "important" work, and all the freelance living wearing very thin, I was offered a contract to write a non-fiction book. I liked the idea of the book and was an expert in the area, and I thought that this would take me closer to the title of novelist, so I accepted.

While I believed (and still believe) that this book was a good idea, and I suppose that the world is better for its existence, I feel that I'm worse off for having wasted more time in its creation. I don't care about it, not in the deep way I care about my "real" writing -- the gap between them is so big that yes, again, even the day it was published I almost felt repulsed to see my name on the cover.

I learned a great deal through this book, and was able to live meagerly for a few years soley on the income. Meanwhile, realizing that time was slipping away, I fought hard to write the work that was in me, the literature that I had to write.

Victory ... and a plan

I tell you, people, I did it. No need to tell a group of writers how hard it is to write something worth reading. But after a number of years of constant, steady toil, I completed a novel that I'm satisfied with.

Oh it has its many problems, I plan to make my next one ten times better, but as a work, I'm satisfied enough with it to look at it and think that it was worth all the sweat and blood expended.

This, writing literature, is my metier. I know it. I can't do anything else, although I've tried and tried.

This manuscript has me excited because for the first time I feel like I really have something, and I feel like it's the one thing that I have to do for the rest of my life.

But the minutes pass and one eventually has to eat. So as I finished up the novel, I had to begin freelancing again which I've been doing for almost a year now.

After reading some posts here when I joined in December I decided that it was time to go all the way with everything -- I had a finished manuscript, I knew that it was time. So I made a vow that I'd do everything I could in 2007 to get out of this misery and to write only what I must, and make a living at that.

I'm only getting to this post now in almost mid-Feburary because I've been so busy with freelance work that I've barely mustered time to read the board!

What hit home for me was a post by Jamesaritchie, who said that the number one problem with submissions is that they're not written for a market.

I know that's true from 10 years of experience -- I would never consider submitting any query to any magazine without reading it first and getting a feel for what they wanted. If I didn't, I know I'd be rejected in a heartbeat. But by reading the magazine, I can figure out what the editor wants and so my positive response from queries is probably 90%.

But James was talking about stories, not the trashy garbage that I do for a living. I thought about this, and about how I've spent years and years writing my "real" work just for myself instead of for a market, and I just sat there dumbfounded. I think a large part of my problem has been that I wrote my "real" work without a plan -- I never once studied a market first, with the intent of writing something I cared about.

I think of what Maestrowork said in another thread: "I have stories to tell. Lots of them. And I want people to read them." That's it exactly, but I never found a form for my stories -- I have my ten thousand scenes and characters and atmospheres, and I was able to pull them together successfully in this novel, but other than that I don't have any honest-to-goodness stories that I can show for all these years.

I could use some help. I know that I have to find the proper outlets. Jamesaritchie had said that plenty of mainstream magazines pay well for stories, or for stories masked as articles -- I've never heard of that, so I've got to find them.

I've come up with a two-part map to get my life on track. I'm not 21 anymore, so I can't just take off recklessly without one and expect to recover in time; I have to make sure that I maintain an income. What I plan to do is cut down on my freelance work as much as possible while I implement the following:

1. do everything I can to get the novel published ASAP
2. write only stories, essays, and articles that I like
A. find markets that pay well for the kind of quality pieces that I want and have to write
B. study these markets
C. write something for them and submit​

Does this sound like a reasonable plan for a writer in my position?

In terms of (1.), I've begun the agent hunt and have some promising replies -- several agents are reading it, and several high-profile contacts have agreed to read the manuscript and give an endorsement.

But I need to stop freelancing stuff I hate day in and day out, and make progress at (2.). Can anyone give me lists of magazines to look at, offer suggestions, or help me in any way?

This is crazy. I know no one. I am connected with no movement and no groups. I've worked at this for 10 years and have now reached the age where my contemporaries have all settled down with families, become vice presidents and are entirely cruising along midstream in their lives and careers -- and I'm still trying to figure out how to turn the ignition!
 
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DreamWorks

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I hear ya,' lostlore! I only skimmed briefly for the moment. hang in there. help will come. you are not alone. There is this board :)
 

Chumplet

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Keep going, keep trying. Ask pertinent questions and there will be someone on this board with a useful answer.

Keep in mind that many people in this community write for magazines and are proud of their work. You can still freelance and pursue your dream. You're one of the lucky few who made a semblance of a living with your writing.

Sure, many of your friends have moved on to succeed at whatever they do. But many of us writers are in our later years, with other careers and families behind us, who are just beginning to pursue our dreams while juggling those families, careers, aging parents and such.

You seem to be putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself. If you truly believe in yourself, everything will fall into place. It may not be tomorrow, but it will happen. Don't sweat it if it doesn't happen right away.

I'm almost 50 and I'm still waiting for my dreams to come true. During the wait, I'm enjoying the ride.

I hope I'm on the right track, and that this helps.
 

inanna

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You caught me at a moment where I wasn't feeling particularly ADD-ish, so I did read your entire post. I can't, unfortunately, be of any relevant help, much less a mentor. But I'm rooting for you.

By the sound of things, you're a fairly established freelance (?) magazine writer, even if you're not in the market of your choice at the moment (are you thinking of submitting to magazines like the New Yorker, btw?) Are you sure you don't have any contacts that can connect you with people who can help? It seems like Kevin Bacon's Law ought to apply somehow ;)

If not, there are plenty of places that list the markets and publications you want. At worst, it's a matter of starting from scratch in terms of research and queries, but with your experience I think you'll get fair consideration. Don't worry. It sounds like you know exactly what you're doing, what you want, and how to get it. For what it's worth, I think you'll be fine :)
 
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Puma

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One suggestion, Lostlore, you might want to post a short segment of your writing on the Share Your Work boards to see what people there think. You could post the beginning of your novel or something else. The people on these forums are very helpful in making suggestions and will give thoughts on possible markets if they can get a feeling for what type of writing you're doing. Puma
 

ALLWritety

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nothing is wasted

HI,
WOW! You go for it. I like your plan. It is good and it sounds promising about your novel. Stick with your plan to do both until you have achieved your goal.

I want to start out by saying that "Nothing is Wasted". Have you considered that if you had of wrote "your" novel years ago that it wouldn't have had the same impact that it has now? You don't seem to see it but I believe that all these years of writing has actually improved your writing skills. You have seen what has worked and what hasn't worked and unbeknown to you this will have come into your writing the novel. This has enhanced your novel more that if you had of wrote it years ago.

Hold on to your dream and don't give up now. It has been in you for years and you have wrote your novel. I am sure it will get published and recieve the acclaim it should have. Don't lose heart. Keep believing in your self.

I am in a similar situation. I teach English at the moment as my day job. I hate it. I loath going into work everyday. My passion is writing. I want to break into writing. I want to write for mags, (Hey maybe you can pass the baton on to me. I will take over your mag jobs!!) books, TV and movies. I have wrote a number of articles that have been published in mags. I have wrote and just got published 2 books and I am writing scripts for TV and movies. (Maybe I could write the screenplay of your novel!) I know that my big break is just round the corner.

Soon I hope to hear that you have got your deal and it is the first steps of the fullfillment of your dream.

(By the way I am serious about doing some of the mag jobs. I can sent you some sample writing to see what mag would publish it. PM me if interested!)

All the best.
Kev
 

lostlore

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Thanks, everyone, for the advice and good wishes.

I'm still stuck, still trying. I know what sort of thing I want to write, fiction and otherwise. I've got a half dozen ideas that I'm hot for right now, and need to find the right market for them so I can pitch them. I do know editors here and there in these desired markets, or at least know contacts who know ... but successful pitches aren't made from dropping names, or searching guidelines databases---you've gotta actually read the mags to be able to deliver product that they'll love. What's hurting me, I think, is that I'm not up on this, so I'm running in circles trying to come up with the right outlets for what I want to do. I feel like I need a 3-day vacation at the library to read what's out there.

I don't dare plot my escape by writing a story (fiction), because I'll need time off work to write it, so I plan to start with a single nonfiction query first, and use that to build up my confidence so that I can just relax and see that yes, it's entirely possible to pay yours bills by writing what you actually like as opposed to trash you hate, and then just write a story already.

Looking back I can't be too hard on myself, because I needed this work to finish the novel, but now I feel locked into a daily freelance grind, where the novel's done and out and I'm still sleeping through days of writing stuff I hate for middle-grade markets. As a result I do bring in some bacon, but it's barely enough to keep us going, and the pieces are not good at all---it might sound crazy but it's extremely difficult to write substandard trash on purpose, and it takes a mental toll. And because I despise the work, it's very time-consuming, so I haven't been able to research other markets yet and break out of this mess.
 

JanDarby

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Stop. Take a deep breath. Take a vacation.

There are no shortcuts and there are no guarantees. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and trying to find something to hold onto, something you can control. Which is fine, except you really can't, and you might as well accept it now as later.

If you want to write non-fiction, then establish a step-by-step plan. Forget about the big picture, except as the light at the end of a very long tunnel. Or, if the ultimate goal is to write novels for a living, then what are the intermediate steps? (I'm not sure that book-length non-fic is a step toward a novel-writing career, so you may want to be clear on what you really want and whether a non-fic proposal would be a step in the right direction or merely another detour.)

You can't control whether anyone buys your novels, but you can control what goes into the novels and whether they get written. You can take steps like committing one hour a week, every Friday (or whenever's a good time for you, when you know you'll do it and won't come up with excluses), to do the work, first learning the market and then doing the writing.

Actually, learning the market isn't all that difficult these days, with the internet. Except it becomes a little bit of a chicken-and-egg problem: you need to have some idea of what you want to write before you can figure out what the market is. And some of the market-research should be done: look at your own bookshelves to see what you like to read, and that's probably your market or at least a big hint in the right direction.

So, stop hyperventilating, because that won't help. Pick a goal, set some specific but tiny steps you can take toward it, and take those steps. Set a time when you'll re-evaluate, decide whether the goal you had was what you really wanted and if so, what progress you've made and what adjustments you need to make in your work, based on whatever you've done and learned in the interim.

Oh, and I should say that I agree with JAR that it's important to know your market, but it's also important, especially when you're first starting out in a genre (and you know that fiction and non-fiction are very different from a writer's point of view, and if you don't already know, you'll find that novels and short stories are very different, and not all writers can do them interchangeably; some writers seem to have a genetic predisposition toward a certain general length, either short or long and not both, while other writers can handle the whole range), especially if you don't have a set-in-concrete idea of what you want to write, it's good to play around a bit, write a few short stories, figure out where your own voice and passions lie, and only then see where they might (or might not) fit in the publishing world. Once you're clear on your own voice, skills and passions, then you can write to market, albeit with your own take on what that market will bear.

Good luck.

JD
 

Puma

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JanD offered some good advice. I'm going to add a little more to it (in case you aren't aware of these). On the internet - Agentquery is a very nice website through which you can set parameters for the types of material you think you have and then search to see if any agents match your parameters. On the internet, Preditors and Editors is an excellent website that lists publishers, agents, etc. with information as to their legitimacy, sales, and links to the publisher or agent websites. On AW - Bewares and Background checks has an excellent listing of publishers and agents and information gleaned from the participants in the AW site. In the bookstore or at the library - Writer's Market is an excellent resource book listing magazines, publishers, etc. and the types of material they want.

Bottom line is - no one is going to hand you a contract on a silver platter without some pretty good idea that you have material they want and that you can deliver. If I were you, I'd forget about trying to line up contacts and contracts at this point and work on getting something in writing - yours. Puma
 

lostlore

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Actually, learning the market isn't all that difficult these days, with the internet. Except it becomes a little bit of a chicken-and-egg problem: you need to have some idea of what you want to write before you can figure out what the market is. And some of the market-research should be done: look at your own bookshelves to see what you like to read, and that's probably your market or at least a big hint in the right direction.

For the most part they wrote novels and died a long time ago so that's a big hint right there---and why I've been miserable with a career of nonfiction books and articles.
Oh, and I should say that I agree with JAR that it's important to know your market, but it's also important, especially when you're first starting out in a genre (and you know that fiction and non-fiction are very different from a writer's point of view, and if you don't already know, you'll find that novels and short stories are very different, and not all writers can do them interchangeably; some writers seem to have a genetic predisposition toward a certain general length, either short or long and not both, while other writers can handle the whole range), especially if you don't have a set-in-concrete idea of what you want to write, it's good to play around a bit, write a few short stories, figure out where your own voice and passions lie, and only then see where they might (or might not) fit in the publishing world. Once you're clear on your own voice, skills and passions, then you can write to market, albeit with your own take on what that market will bear.
It's funny but when I'm at my nonfiction best, I'm already using all the elements of fiction---the profiles or articles are like little contrived stories with their sets and descriptions and little narrative tricks to play around with the reader. But when I'm writing what I love most, I've left the nonfiction world as completely as I can and am out swimming somewhere in the pure realm of imaginative fiction. So I know it more clearly that I sound, I suppose. The rest is all sighting goals and then careful little strides toward them alone.

Thanks everybody.
 

Sean D. Schaffer

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I didn't read your entire post, Lostlore, just your abstract question.

The answer I would give to knowing what to write is to write down what subjects you like to write about the most, then narrow those subjects down to which ones are the most important to you, and narrow again until you have, say, five or six different things. I think such an exercise would be a good starting point.

Then, what I do is find a set of index cards and write ideas based upon subjects within my aforementioned list, one on each card.

After that, I decide whether or not I want to write that particular story idea or not, and whether it will make a novel or a short story.


I wish you all the best with your endeavors. Good luck to you.

:)
 

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Hello, Lost.

Do not cut your ties. You are farther along than you realize right now. Once upon a time, I had broken into sceenwriting and did not appreaciate my position. It was easy. I had an agent, discussed ideas with script supervisors and producers without even knowing I was pitching, and even had an incredibly successful screenwriter who seemed willing to mentor me. I did not understand how difficult those inroads were to acceive. I thought it was easy, because it was, but it was luck. Somehow, the right people read my material and liked it. Now I can't get anybody to take a gander.

You have connections, you merely need to show some backbone and ask for help. You might, no, will be surprised about the help you will get from your numerous editors. Editors are either like you, who failed to break through and settled for the job (at least they are still in the game) or knew they did not have the creative muse but wanted to help those who did. Some of them will have connections with someone: a reader, a publishing company associate, a grunt in the trenches. One read which draws attention will change your life if your material is any good, if you can turn a phrase.

Don't be afraid to ask for a read. Push for it, you earned it in the trenches for ten years. Someone might run with it. If you want people to have the opportunity to read your work, you must take advantage of any opportunity to present it to those who publish it. Fight for your shot. What the heck, you are talking about chucking it all away anyway, so what if you piss everyone off? One might stick with you to the top.

Best of luck, hang in there.
 

C.J. Rockwell

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I understand how you feel. I know your frustration very well. I've only been writing seriously for almost two years and yet it feels longer on those days when nothing seems to flow right. I've been through three novels and wrote a few short stories (None of which are published...yet) and my writing has gotten a bit better, but my novels are in worser shape than my short stories were in their first drafts. I never wanted to quit, and I still don't, but I wish I could get out of the rut I'm stuck in.

The best thing I think I can add is to never give up, because that'll get us nowhere.
 

just_a_girl

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It seems that most writers suffer some degree of anguish. This board has been helpful to me b/c it's given me a chance to see that I'm not alone in these feelings. But anyway, I agree w/a lot of the previous comments. It seems you have more connections than many of us, so it would probably behoove you to make the most of those connections. Good luck!
 

Thump

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Hullo,

Well, I read your entire post and here are my thoughts.

To put it rather bluntly, through your post I got the impression mainly that what you want to be is a "writer" with the image that comes attached to the label more than "to write".
What you have to realize is that most people, no matter what great prose they write, cannot make a living out of writing. It's not the good stuff that makes the money but the bad that you've been creating to survive. Heck, most of the writers we now study in universities and consider important historical figures were half-starved and working menial clerical jobs.
I'm not saying you shouldn't cling to the dream (God forbid I should become so disillusioned!). What I'm saying is that you should put it in a context that allows you to enjoy the writing and accepting that you have to do something else besides it that you do not enjoy. Maybe the frustration you're experiencing is because you expect too much too soon? You've already had a book published which is already much more than some of us have accomplished and you have promising agent responses.

Writing is much more than studying markets. It should be primarily something you feel ought to be written. You write for a market when you want to write for "trashy" magazines and such because that is what sells. If you're going to be a "real" writer, write for the sake of writing.
 

just_a_girl

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Yeah, I wish I could make a living writing for trashy magazines. That sounds pretty enviable, to be honest. As it is, for years I made my living doing office work and now I can't even get hired to do that b/c with my MFA, many employers consider me overqualified, and I can't leave it off my resume b/c I live in sort of a small town environment where everyone knows that I have an MFA and am an aspiring writer. As a result, my husband pays all the bills, which sucks b/c he complains about it all the time. So, yeah, it's hard being a writer. Most of can't make a living from it in any shape or form, but would probably be thrilled to make money doing something related, like writer for cheezy magazines, which really doesn't sound so bad. But one person's feast is another person's famine, so I'm not one to judge.





Hullo,

Well, I read your entire post and here are my thoughts.

To put it rather bluntly, through your post I got the impression mainly that what you want to be is a "writer" with the image that comes attached to the label more than "to write".
What you have to realize is that most people, no matter what great prose they write, cannot make a living out of writing. It's not the good stuff that makes the money but the bad that you've been creating to survive. Heck, most of the writers we now study in universities and consider important historical figures were half-starved and working menial clerical jobs.
I'm not saying you shouldn't cling to the dream (God forbid I should become so disillusioned!). What I'm saying is that you should put it in a context that allows you to enjoy the writing and accepting that you have to do something else besides it that you do not enjoy. Maybe the frustration you're experiencing is because you expect too much too soon? You've already had a book published which is already much more than some of us have accomplished and you have promising agent responses.

Writing is much more than studying markets. It should be primarily something you feel ought to be written. You write for a market when you want to write for "trashy" magazines and such because that is what sells. If you're going to be a "real" writer, write for the sake of writing.
 

Thump

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Yeah, I wish I could make a living writing for trashy magazines. That sounds pretty enviable, to be honest. As it is, for years I made my living doing office work and now I can't even get hired to do that b/c with my MFA, many employers consider me overqualified, and I can't leave it off my resume b/c I live in sort of a small town environment where everyone knows that I have an MFA and am an aspiring writer. As a result, my husband pays all the bills, which sucks b/c he complains about it all the time. So, yeah, it's hard being a writer. Most of can't make a living from it in any shape or form, but would probably be thrilled to make money doing something related, like writer for cheezy magazines, which really doesn't sound so bad. But one person's feast is another person's famine, so I'm not one to judge.

Aye. Hell, if I could get myself published regularly in trashy magazines (under a pen-name mind you >.<) I'd be quite happy. It's really better than nothing. Plus, regardless of the quality of the work, it's definitely experience in writing regularly and chosing words to achieve a certain effect. Granted, it's no Shakespeare but it's better than working in a factory manually screwing on toothpaste tube tops :D
 

swvaughn

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So I'm not the only one...

Wow. I've been calling myself all kinds of horrible lately for feeling the same way you do. I'm pretty much in the same boat, except I don't have a famous byline.

I, too, started taking freelance assignments to pay the bills, and because I thought it would force me to write, sharpen my skills, enable me to work from home, and make contacts with which I could eventually get some fiction (my real work) published. I did indeed achieve all but the last one.

I've also been at it for ten years, but most of those years I've been writing novels too. So, I have two under-the-bed novels, and a handful contracted to a small but professional epub. No commercial sales yet, but I'm working on it...

But the freelance thing. Oh Lord, how I despise it now. I write ad copy, articles, and non-fiction books (ghosted, for flat fees). I also do proofreading and editing projects. Lately, trying to get my "paying" work done is pure hell. I hate what I do, hate having to follow the style guidelines and protocols and formulaic crap that's required. Everything takes three times as long for me to finish because I just plain don't want to do it any more. Yeah, it pays the bills. It was exciting in the beginning, even without a byline, because I knew some people thought I had enough skills to fork over cash for my writing.

Now I'm realizing that it isn't really my writing. It's just that I'm trained to put words together in a certain way that will sell things, inform people, and explain concepts. There is nothing passionate or entertaining about it. And my soul hurts every time I have to do it, because I just want to write my stories -- but there's no money in that yet.

I've finally finished something that I think is commercially viable. I have a big agent reading a full right now. Something might come of it. In the meantime, after I get through my current projects, I'm going to try to switch entirely over to editing and proofreading. I don't know if I can sustain enough income doing this, but I'm going to try. I would much rather pick out errors in someone else's work and help them produce something better, than churn out reams and reams of bullsh*t that help other people sell stuff.

Is editing a viable option for you? You might want to think about it -- with your experience, you could probably get some decent gigs or even freelance edit (non-fic, probably - fact-checking and the like).

Feel free to PM me if you want. I totally feel you. Don't know if I can help, but I can sure as hell sympathize.
 

CatMuse33

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Wow, your post struck a chord. Although you are writing what I *wish* I was writing... I would do anything to break in to the high-paying National magazine market.
Right now, most of my work is with trade publications, with moderate pay. I don't hate what I do the way you seem to, but it seems like my regular clients/publications keep me so busy, that I don't have the extra time to pitch to markets that aren't an "easy acceptance." And it's hard to justify spending time doing research and putting together queries when I could be actually making guaranteed money.
I recognize that it is fear holding me back. I was a freelancer three years ago, and just got back in to the fold (I did a few assignments here and there in the past three years). This time, I will not let fear hold me back. I will make the time.
Your plans sounds solid. GO FOR IT! :)
Dawn
And yeah, if any of those markets you despise need someone to help out when you've moved on to better things... I'd love to send you some clips. ;)
 
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