QUILTBAG general thread?

kuwisdelu said:

This is why 2D porn > 3D porn.

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Yesss the H is nice. *ahem*

kuwisdu said:

Ain't no such thing as a no-risk surgery.

Should be okay with a good surgeon, but there's always a risk.

I had a friend who had a reduction (for back pain) and she's totally fine and happy.

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I need it for my back and confidence. D:

I showered with my underpants until I was 19 because I couldn't stand looking at it. I would still masturbate and we have improved our relationship through the years but for the most part it was self-hate and castration fantasies because I felt was this little sick-looking thing it would never please anybody.

I'm also on the same boat than Kuwi about the extra weight. I want to be cute, dammit!

I never considered the thought of being trans-gender because I never felt different in that way. The fact that I'm comfortable on how my gender identity is perceived by those around me basically is an affirmation to me that I'm cis-gender, despite my issues.

Reziac said:

She is probably right. To some folks bi sounds more daring than gay, and far more daring than straight, and (whatever they might actually be) they want to be seen as daring. This doesn't mean anything except that they follow fashion as much as anyone else, and your friend happened to notice.

There was a spasm of trendy-to-be-gay after David Bowie's famous interview. People like identifying with whatever they perceive as the Latest Thing.

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I see this as both true and untrue. I think for all of human history, there have been plenty of people who were attracted to both men and women, but until very recently, they didn't identify as bisexual, either because it just wasn't a concept or because there was a negative connotation attached to it.

Bisexuality is just as common as it's always been, no more, no less, but it's become a lot more common to identify that way, because for the first time it's considered positive or kind of cool, at least in certain circles. So people who in the past might have had occasional same-sex attractions and just kept quiet about it are now out and proud.

So yeah, it is kind of a "trend" in the sense that more people are choosing to use the label. And while attractions and romantic inclinations aren't chosen, there is a certain amount of personal preference in how people identify. (I recall a case of a woman who ended up marrying a man and still called herself a lesbian. Whatever works.) Three different people with the same ratio of same-sex to other-sex attractions might identify in three different ways, just depending on which word felt the most comfortable or right to them.

I've kind of given up on finding a label for myself. None of them feel quite right. But I'm growing more comfortable with remaining unlabeled.

Man, it's a pet peeve of mine when people describe identities and sexual attraction as "trendy." People don't choose their preferences as though it's a fashion statement and calling it trendy conflates it with seeking attention in my book (and in the case of bisexuality, this is doubly infuriating--we don't chose our preferences and definitely not to be edgy or whatever). It's easy to say these things if you're on the outside looking in and it doesn't affect you. If the Bowie incident brought about a lot of people out of the closet, I assure you it was because those people felt safe enough to do so.

Biphobia is still a Big Thing and people who identify as such have to deal with terrible attitudes inside and outside the gay community such as being told they're only identifying that way in order to seem "daring."

^THANK YOU--that's what I was trying to say before. It's possible some people make stuff up to get attention. But don't ever question someone or accuse them of that when they come out. Don't. EVER.

Rhoda Nightingale said:

^THANK YOU--that's what I was trying to say before. It's possible some people make stuff up to get attention. But don't ever question someone or accuse them of that when they come out. Don't. EVER.

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I agree. When I first came out I came out as Bi, I knew it didn't fit. What I didn't know was how to describe the fact that I can be emotionally attracted to someome who is male, but 80-90% of the time when I develope a crush it is on someone female. And someone I know well, which is why I call myself a lesbian even though I'm a mostly homoromantic demisexual. The sexual attraction component just never develops no matter how long I've known the guy, even if otherwise attracted. I wasn't making it up to get attention or be trendy, but because with my knowledge at the time it made more sense. And I think that is what most people who come out as Bi are doing, even if they discover later they're not Bi. Using the best word they know to describe themselves.

Lillith1991 said:

I agree. When I first came out I came out as Bi, I knew it didn't fit. What I didn't know was how to describe the fact that I can be emotionally attracted to someome who is male, but 80-90% of the time when I develope a crush it is on someone female. And someone I know well, which is why I call myself a lesbian even though I'm a mostly homoromantic demisexual. The sexual attraction component just never develops no matter how long I've known the guy, even if otherwise attracted. I wasn't making it up to get attention or be trendy, but because with my knowledge at the time it made more sense. And I think that is what most people who come out as Bi are doing, even if they discover later they're not Bi. Using the best word they know to describe themselves.

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Yeah, exactly. Sexuality isn't a three-category system or even a spectrum, it's like a tree with lots of little branches branching off into other branches.

I remember when the word "demisexual" first surfaced there were lots of people complaining about it and saying it was a made-up thing or an unnecessary label. I even had the same initial reaction...but I now feel like that's probably the closest word I've found to describing myself. No one is making up new sexualities or romantic orientations (though it might seem that way to onlookers), they're just finding names for things which have always existed but previously haven't had a name. And our understanding of it continues to grow more nuanced.

There are as many different sexualities as there are people.

The Otter said:

There are as many different sexualities as there are people.

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This, basically.

People who think bisexuality is "trendy" need to try coming out of the closet sometime. I've never gotten a positive response from someone after telling them I'm bisexual. This is what I usually get:

• Oh... I thought you were married, though?
• Cool. Just don't hit on me.
• [silent, weird look]
• No, you're not.

Straight girls tend to suddenly start hitting on me. Which sounds flattering, but it's not. In real life I'm kind of a prude, so it's very uncomfortable when a woman I find unattractive decides to experiment with me. As if my interest is a given.

There's only one good coming-out experience: when no one cares, comments, or treat you differently. This has happened to me twice, and it immediately gave me huge respect for those people.

I know who would really think of me differently, but that's why I won't ever tell them: My boyfriend's parents.

I wish people would think that just because you're with a certain gender, that you're not bi (if you are). We can still be attracted to both no matter who we are with or what not.

I'm with a boyfriend of 6 years, and I've only ever been with men, BUT, that doesn't mean I don't find women totally attractive and don't mind flirting with them (if they are interested in me/women).

Boyfriend doesn't mind, as "you only live once" and I have never gotten a chance to meet someone who like girls...

((Probably my fault))

Y'know that awkward moment when you rewatch certain episodes of Buffy with your parents and they say something about Tara that makes you go, "Wow, okay, so you're really never going to Get It, are you?"

So that happened. Beyond ready to move out. Please, Job Fairy, grant me the Full-Time position I keep applying for, so I can move out!

Rhoda Nightingale said:

Y'know that awkward moment when you rewatch certain episodes of Buffy with your parents and they say something about Tara that makes you go, "Wow, okay, so you're really never going to Get It, are you?"

So that happened. Beyond ready to move out. Please, Job Fairy, grant me the Full-Time position I keep applying for, so I can move out!

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*Hugs*

hang on there, Rhoda.

Cheers. It's just frustrating to think you're making progress, and then realize Nope! Sometimes the people you love most just can't see you. That's how I feel. Like she doesn't see me. Because when I look at Tara, I see my best possible self. She sees something ugly and alien that makes her vaguely uncomfortable. I hate that.

This is what scares me about the idea of coming out, especially since I get very mixed vibes about my mother on this subject. It's very painful because we're still the same people they have met all these years, despite some self-realizations.

The big question is, is it worth it to struggle for love and recognition of family that will love us less for be who we are?

Well. It depends. Sometimes you really don't know how people are going to react until you tell them. My dad was the complete opposite of what I expected--in a good way.

That's true. Sometimes people surprise you either in a good way or a bad way-

I still feel like I'm living a lie. Because I have yet to tell EVERYONE. It's crazy. A part of me is like, "Whatever. Just live your life. When it comes up, deal with it." But another part---the non-conventional in your face cause oriented superhero part---wants to tell everyone and get on committees and change the world. I have been attempting to change the world on the subject of childhood sexual assault. Since I came out as being a victim I've been advocating publicly like crazy. I feel the need to do the same about sexuality now. I have told my children. I have told most of my friends, my brothers, etc, etc, etc. This coming Thursday is my one-year anniversary with my baby. A part of me wants my facebook profile pic to be of the two of us. A part of me knows there are still those I need to be leery of. But why. I'm not getting any younger. I came out to almost everyone. My god, I bring Michael to my writing group's monthly breakfast meeting...where I have over 100 friends who knew me as a husband and father...nobody batted an eye. I was fierce and didn't even broach the subject with anyone...just introduced him as my partner. So why the shit do I care about anybody else having a problem with it?! Still with the 1980s mentality of getting trampled on by haters. Nobody can ever again chase me back into the closet. I don't think I'm giving myself enough credit. It's a strange thing...coming out twice in one lifetime.

On another note...or rather a note I touched on above in my Ranty McRanterson rant... This Thursday marks the 1 year anniversary of my time with Michael. I love him so much it's ridiculous! For our anniversary------------------------- Saturday we are off on a just over two week trip to China & Hong Kong. We are two old men loving life! (-:

kuwisdelu said:

Congrats on the anniversary, Kevin. I'll just sit here being jealous of your China trip.

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Thank you! I know, I know. But trust me...I don't take any of it for granted. (-: Thanks!

Whenever I feel like so hopeless and and powerless, I go back to this quote from Angels in America. First time I heard it, a few years ago on the HBO adaptation, it made me cry:

This disease will be the end of many of us, but not nearly all. And the dead will be commemorated, and we'll struggle on with the living, and we are not going away. We won't die secret deaths anymore. The world only spins forward. We will be citizens. The time has come.

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Have a great time over there, Kev!

Congrats, KTC! Hope you have a lovely anniversary.

*bumps*

Well, hi. I'm not too fond of labels, but I do creep somewhere within the acronym~ Quite a bit of my characters do, too.

Welcome, Magnificent! We're not here to put labels. As long you being you means you being happy, healthy and safe then we're pleased.

Hi, Magnificent!

And yeah, I tend to just select "other" if it's an option.