A Life of Crime and Chocolate

tarak

for certain qualities of "sane"
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 8, 2010
Messages
963
Reaction score
176
Location
Central Pennsylvania - the gateway to Harrisburg
Muse, the next surgery could be next week or in two years. She has a pacemaker and the battery was pretty well done, so that was replaced last month. The lead (wire from the generator that is screwed into her heart) was functionally perfect, but short. They could have replaced the works, which would have been more invasive, at least a partial sternotomy, and a few nights in the hospital. Instead, her cardiologist decided to just swap the generator. She went home that night and within three days wasn't even taking ibuprofen for pain. The lead will likely fail before the generator needs to be replaced. There's not much room for growth and because she does things like flops on her belly (her pacemaker is in her abdomen instead of the shoulder, which is where older kids and adults get them placed) and tries to slide down the stairs. At first, I was upset he didn't just go through with the more invasive surgery, since that's what we'll have to do next and we weren't really saving ourselves a procedure. But what's done is done. Maybe we'll get another year or two out of the lead.

She's still at the age where the whole thing seems sort of fun. Between doctors appointments and having surgery, she got two stuffed animals, lollipops, a new fancy pillowcase, and lots of stickers. That's just from the cardiologist's office. She asks every week when she gets to go back to see the doctor. I haven't the heart to tell her it stops being fun the older you get. Last appointment I had for myself just included a script to get blood work done and a printout with my BMI on it.
 

muse

standing on head, typing one-handed...
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
9,143
Reaction score
3,021
Location
Ireland
Children are so resilient, aren't they? But I agree with you, it's not as much fun the older they get. Here's hoping the second op is done before she gets much older.:Hug2:
 

heyjude

Making my own sunshine
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 15, 2007
Messages
19,740
Reaction score
6,192
Location
Gulf coast of FL
Bless Bionic Baby. What a trooper! And tarak, you're a wonderful mom. :)

I am in the middle of Easter Madness, with a side order of New Emergency Every Day. However, I have kittens and that makes life bearable. :D
 

tarak

for certain qualities of "sane"
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 8, 2010
Messages
963
Reaction score
176
Location
Central Pennsylvania - the gateway to Harrisburg
I think kittens make everyone better.

We're supposed to get snow tomorrow. At first it was billed as the messy commute sort of thing. Now they're saying 4-8 inches starting at 4 in the morning. So much for cautious optimism about the end of winter. Boo to snow. I need to move south...
 

Shakesbear

knows a hawk from a handsaw
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 4, 2008
Messages
3,628
Reaction score
463
Location
Elsinore
Just throw some chocolate bars at them and run!
 

Shakesbear

knows a hawk from a handsaw
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 4, 2008
Messages
3,628
Reaction score
463
Location
Elsinore
OK . . . try throwing chocolate covered bricks at them.
 

tarak

for certain qualities of "sane"
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 8, 2010
Messages
963
Reaction score
176
Location
Central Pennsylvania - the gateway to Harrisburg
Glad you managed to reduce the numbers, Liz. I'll have several 11-12 year old girls in a few weeks. My husband will flee with the other kids. So it will be me, looking longingly at a bottle of scotch until I'm sure it's safe to go to my room for the night. I think we're supposed to be making sugar scrubs, or something else crafty. Ugh.
 
Last edited:

heyjude

Making my own sunshine
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 15, 2007
Messages
19,740
Reaction score
6,192
Location
Gulf coast of FL
Happy Easter to those who celebrate!

(PS Liz, that sounds like a bunch of fun to me. My girl is pretty sure that parties are now lame, and that I'm kind of lame, and that everything is lame, so... I miss the big sleepovers!)
 

tarak

for certain qualities of "sane"
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 8, 2010
Messages
963
Reaction score
176
Location
Central Pennsylvania - the gateway to Harrisburg
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend! We went to fill out a form to adopt a rescue kitty and ended up coming home with three skinny pigs (basically, hairless guinea pigs) and a hamster. Thinking the kitty will likely not happen, but we'll see. My mom works with the rescue one day a week, cleaning out cages and petting the kitties. They rescued twenty Siamese cats from a hoarding situation. Not sure I have the ability to deal with three piggies, a hamster, and a cat. But I feel bad for the kitties (although I think the Siamese will probably find homes quickly).

Have had way too much chocolate the past few days...
 

muse

standing on head, typing one-handed...
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
9,143
Reaction score
3,021
Location
Ireland
Happy Easter to those who celebrate!

(PS Liz, that sounds like a bunch of fun to me. My girl is pretty sure that parties are now lame, and that I'm kind of lame, and that everything is lame, so... I miss the big sleepovers!)

Oh, I hated it when my boys got to that stage. (Youngest still thinks his parents are lame.:D) They do come out of it, though. Thankfully!

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend! We went to fill out a form to adopt a rescue kitty and ended up coming home with three skinny pigs (basically, hairless guinea pigs) and a hamster. Thinking the kitty will likely not happen, but we'll see. My mom works with the rescue one day a week, cleaning out cages and petting the kitties. They rescued twenty Siamese cats from a hoarding situation. Not sure I have the ability to deal with three piggies, a hamster, and a cat. But I feel bad for the kitties (although I think the Siamese will probably find homes quickly).

Have had way too much chocolate the past few days...

:Wha: Is there such a thing as 'way too much chocolate?'

Hope everyone had a good Easter weekend.
 

lizmonster

Possibly A Mermaid Queen
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
14,532
Reaction score
24,098
Location
Massachusetts
Website
elizabethbonesteel.com
Would appreciate some advice on a little professional dilemma.

I work in a pretty male-dominated field. From time to time, one of the women I work with organizes a "ladies' lunch," where a bunch of the women in the building have lunch together at some local restaurant.

I attended a couple of times last year, when only four of us were included. Nice enough people. One likes to hear herself talk a bit much, but hey, who doesn't? And it's not a bad way to get to know folks.

The last time this was organized, the circle had expanded quite a bit, and I found out at the last minute that one of the invitees was a woman I STRONGLY dislike. She makes frequent sexist and homophobic remarks, and she is LOUD. I cringe when she's in a meeting with me (which fortunately does not happen often).

I figured my choices were to attend and shut up, in which case everybody around us would assume I was part of her little circle of prejudice (not that I care what strangers think, but good heavens, what if I go back to that restaurant sometime?); or to challenge her publicly (in as nice a way as possible, of course, because we all know women explode if we're not nice) to please not say such things in my company.

I begged off at the last minute. I am a chicken. If I really wanted to change the world, I'd call her out as loudly and publicly as she makes her stupid jokes.

The real problem here? She is well-liked. She is highly placed. People respect her. I am sure she's pretty good at her actual job. So telling people "Ugh, I can't go to lunch with her, because she's HORRIBLE" isn't really an option. Calling her out publicly, even if I had the courage, would also have some negative professional consequences.

A lunch invitation just showed up in my mailbox, and sure enough she's on the list. I am going to beg off, because really, I can't. But I'm already known to be an anti-social weirdo around here, and for some reason that seems to matter, even though writing software isn't exactly a social activity. (Well, it didn't used to be.)

So maybe I have no dilemma, and this is all just a vent. I'm not going to break bread with this person.

But it kind of annoys me that I can't figure out how to avoid her without hurting my professional reputation, which at this particular company is on thin ice as it is. :(
 

onuilmar

(w)ride like the wind
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 11, 2011
Messages
928
Reaction score
137
Location
deep in rural Western NY
Hey Liz,

I don't have any really good words of advice, being an anti-social weirdo myself, but I do sympathize. <<hugs>>

Wish I had great pearls of wisdom, but not really. I do know the social types would go and just laugh it off...but that's not really me, either. *sigh*
 

muse

standing on head, typing one-handed...
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
9,143
Reaction score
3,021
Location
Ireland
I'm in the anti-social weirdo club too, (Go us!:TheWave:) so I can't offer much advice.

I'd be tempted to just keep ducking out of the "lunches." Only thing is: Would that cause offence at some point?

Guess all I can really offer is a :Hug2:
 

heyjude

Making my own sunshine
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 15, 2007
Messages
19,740
Reaction score
6,192
Location
Gulf coast of FL
Oh, Liz, how frustrating.

Your choices are to grit your teeth and bear it or to beg off with some kind of reasonable excuse.

I'm not in the same situation, but it's similar: there's a group of ladies I just love, and we meet every Friday. After, they all go to lunch. At first I went, but it soon became clear that there are pretty significant differences in our personal lives. And I ran across a couple of ladies whose opinions are... well... Vocal. Strident. Unthought-out. I don't mean to be unkind, but that's how it was.

Eventually I started pleading overwork. So exhausted, so much going on right now, need that lunch time to take care of some personal things. Like that. I go every once in a while, grit my teeth and bear it (mostly because of one or two of them who are truly wonderful) but mostly they know I'm just too, too busy. Tragically. :rolleyes:

Good luck, Liz. :)
 

onesecondglance

pretending to be awake
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 2, 2012
Messages
5,359
Reaction score
1,661
Location
Berkshire, UK
Website
soundcloud.com
That sucks, liz.

I avoid conflict far more than I should, so I would probably just stop going to the lunches as well.

I do wonder, though, if there are other people in your organisation who feel the same. Who might stand up and say "yeah, she is a DOO DOO HEAD" in agreement. Plenty of people who appear to be popular and well-liked, but who are also abrasive, aren't actually that well-liked at all. People just play nice to avoid being on the receiving end of those loud remarks.

If you knew people would back you up when you called her out, would that help you do it?
 

Shakesbear

knows a hawk from a handsaw
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 4, 2008
Messages
3,628
Reaction score
463
Location
Elsinore
Liz I feel for you. I always wonder if 'popular and well liked' are in fact code for 's/he is a real bigoted loud mouth' and everyone is scared that they will be her/his next victim. Personally I'd go to the lunch - especially if the food is going to be good :) Keep your head down, talk to the people either side of you and drink lots of wine and/or eat lots of chocolate desserts!
 

lizmonster

Possibly A Mermaid Queen
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
14,532
Reaction score
24,098
Location
Massachusetts
Website
elizabethbonesteel.com
Thanks, everyone. :) I appreciate the support.

It has occurred to me that I might not be the only person incredibly offended by this woman. But I see folks I work with - who I've talked to enough to know they don't share some of her views - laughing and joking with her. And maybe that's what's done here. After all, if it doesn't affect her work, who cares, right?

Except...ugh. One example of the sort of thing she says: During a department meeting (in which a number of off-site folks were on the phone), someone mentioned that one of our directors (based in Scandinavia) was changing his last name. Someone asked why, and nobody knew for sure, but they did say he was getting married and they had the impression it was related to that.

This woman burst out laughing, and said, LOUDLY: "That's ridiculous! Why would he do that? What is he, some kind of WOMAN? HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

This is the kind of thing that happens with her. It comes out of nowhere, in the middle of perfectly innocuous conversations. (People were talking about organizing a camping trip, and she volunteered that while it was perfectly acceptable for two women to share a tent, two men absolutely should not, because come on. I might actually have said something to that one, but I was so stunned that anyone would baldly volunteer such a sentiment that my moment passed.)

If I were more engaged with my professional future here, I might suck it up. But the truth is I don't fit in, and after two years of exhausting my social toolbox, I don't believe I ever will. It's not going to make me look any worse if I turn down this lunch invite.

I will take heyjude's suggestion and be oh, so busy, so sorry, have fun without me.