Speech tags/trying to not confuse reader

Alzarakh · Jul 27, 2014

WIP has a lot of different types of cummunication from thinking to telepathy. Any suggestions on how to write these? My writing buddy is also looking into this so it'll be a two for one

Here's how I currently do it.

Thoughts: Usually he/she thought.
I can now see how this can take away from the realism. I can simply italicize this without much impact I think.

Spoken: Double quotations.

Telepathic: Single quotation, italicized.
Because the characters have to think about the telepathy I wanted to italicize this. The single quotations are because it sometimes falls into the conversations with actual speaking between characters. (The 5 MC's are telepathic with each other.) In one scene the kids are talking telepathically next to a campfire with a soldier nearby. They talk with him so it gets mixed in with the telepathy.

Emphasized word in speech: All capitals, or single quotation inside a double quotation.

Thanks

Orianna2000 · Jul 27, 2014

I've found that direct thoughts aren't necessary most of the time. Nine times out of ten, you can rewrite the scene, either removing the thought or incorporating it into the regular text, and the scene will be much improved. Direct thoughts should be italicized and usually don't have, "he thought," after them, since it's usually clear it's a thought and you don't want to be redundant when every word counts. Save direct thoughts for quick bursts of emphasis.

Oh, God! (For example.)

Telepathy is usually italicized. I don't think single quotes are appropriate, since they have a specific grammatical purpose; namely, to quote something in dialogue.

Emphasized words should be italicized, not all-caps or quotes. (For a manuscript, they're actually underlined, since that's the standard format to indicate italicized words.) You want to limit italics, since they're hard to read. Plus, every emphasized word detracts from the next one, reducing its impact. Use them sparingly!

Maryn · Jul 27, 2014

What you really have is the need to differentiate telepathy from normal speech. Most novels with a tight POV in which the character's thoughts, feelings, past, hopes, fears, etc. are shared do not italicize those thoughts.

In your situation, I'd probably do speech normally (including italicizing words which must be emphasized for it to make sense--go easy on these), thought/memory as normal text attributed only when it's not clear they belong to the POV character, and save my italics for telepathic communication.

Silly example:

Darrell started right away, before the last of them had boarded the elevator. "I don't have time for this, not today."

From the back right corner, Tabitha's voice shook as she spoke. She'd never been able to speak before a group, and could still blush remembering her many attempts in school, before Gram convinced her parents to keep her home. "It's never a good day for you. You know how hard it is for me to call, but I've left a half dozen messages asking when you can be here. Nothing."

Thomas smirked. "Some people aren't as vital as they seem to think they are." He cocked his eyebrow at Amanda, as if he'd said something clever.

Amanda was lovely. Tabitha didn't begrudge her the attention the boys always showered. It was better to be ignored while you worked on the things you could do all by yourself.

Darrell turned, facing the others. "Is that what you all think? That because I can't drop everything, I think I'm some kind of big deal?" To Tabitha, he added, Thomas just wishes he had a job like mine, and a paycheck to match. I should have called you back, Tab. It's just so crazy at work... That's no excuse. I'm sorry.

"Let's wait until we get to the conference room," Amanda said.

"Maybe they have boxing gloves," Thomas said.

The elevator doors opened and they walked down the empty corridor without speaking aloud. Tabitha, the strongest of them by far, caught snatches of private conversations.

Thomas said, Think that skirt's tight enough, Amanda? I can't wait until tonight. Tabitha shut him out when he detailed his thoughts.

Instead, she tuned in on Darrell, also speaking to Amanda but unaware Thomas was, too. I'm not being a dick about this. The whole firm is going nuts because it's the end of the quarter. In two weeks, I could get away, no problem. But nobody bothered to ask if it was worth risking my job. Usually Tab remembers, but I guess not this time. Think she's slipping?

I doubt it. Amanda had shut off Thomas's input, too. You know Tabby doesn't slip.

"In here," Tabitha said aloud. She locked the door as they found seats at the huge conference table. "And stop with the private bickering and flirting. We've got a ton of work to do and we all know the only way to get it done is to focus." She took a seat, deliberately not selecting the chair at the table's head. This meeting's called to order, and I'm chair. We have one order of business: what are we going to do about Marianne?

Maryn not signing this aloud

Alzarakh · Jul 27, 2014

So just stating that it's telepathic by hinting at a character concentrating should be enough to just be able to use italics?

Should I underline all of the italics in the MS? (I'm still learning)

Will be removing as much of the "he/she thought" and single quotes.

Thank you!

SBibb · Jul 27, 2014

What I like doing for telepathy (and what I've seen in at least one fantasy book), is using italics with colons in place of quotations. I try to make it clear early on that this is denoting a telepathic thought.

:How are you doing today?: he asked.

She startled. She could have sworn she'd heard that voice in her head. "Michael?"

He grinned. :Yep. That's me.:

Okay... so it's a really cheesy example that I made up on the spot, but hopefully that makes sense. If you want to designate that she's thinking towards someone, but not actually speaking telepathically, you could italicize her thoughts without quotations or colons.

Michael... are you still around here? She wished she had telepathy like he did. Michael?

:Geez, your thinking so loud. I'm right here.:

Hopefully that helps. But it might also help to see what similar books do, since they help set the standard.

Brightdreamer · Jul 27, 2014

SBibb said:
What I like doing for telepathy (and what I've seen in at least one fantasy book), is using italics with colons in place of quotations. I try to make it clear early on that this is denoting a telepathic thought.

As a writer and a reader, I like a specific mark for telepathic "speech," reserving italics for thoughts kept in the character's head, on the theory that telepathy isn't a blind broadcasting of every notion a person has but a conscious projection of ideas/words. Example:

:Well, slave, answer - does this robe make my thorax look big?: The Vespian queen clicked her mandibles impatiently.

:You look slender as a damselfly, mistress,: he replied, lowering his antennae deferentially. Maybe a damselfly after gorging on a nest of caterpillars, you overstuffed bumblebee.

Setting apart telepathy and thoughts keeps the insolent slave alive. As for what the telepathy-marker is, it seems to vary by author. I've seen colons, brackets, and even a semicolon used to set off mind-to-mind speech.* Just so long as it's something consistent, and that I, the reader, can figure it out. As for whether the text inside these marks is italicized, that's a style issue, IMHO.

* - That said, chevron or angle brackets - < and > - may not be a great idea these days, as it denotes HTML to many people. The Animorphs series used them to set off thoughtspeech, which made for some very incomprehensible fanfic when web browsers hid the "HTML-tagged" dialog of poorly-formatted stories. I expect eReaders don't have that problem, but why take the chance?

Debbie V · Jul 28, 2014

I use italics for any direct thoughts, and telepathic communication is direct thought. I may attribute the communication by using "he sent" to indicate direction and ability.

Jacob glanced at Johnny. The man in the gray jacket had marked the deck. There was no way either of them could beat him.

Nothing like cheaters, Johnny sent. Maybe we can figure out his system together.

I hope so.

This is a sucky example, but the idea is to show that Jacob can't read anyone's mind.

SBibb · Jul 28, 2014

Brightdreamer said:
* - That said, chevron or angle brackets - < and > - may not be a great idea these days, as it denotes HTML to many people. The Animorphs series used them to set off thoughtspeech, which made for some very incomprehensible fanfic when web browsers hid the "HTML-tagged" dialog of poorly-formatted stories. I expect eReaders don't have that problem, but why take the chance?

I'd thought about mentioning Animorphs and their method, but yeah, that could prove problematic now with HTML.

OutOfYourReality · Jul 28, 2014

I've been using single-quotes without italics for telepathy in my current WiP. Based on the results of this topic, I may change it, though I don't think I'll use italics. I used to use italics for thoughts, but nowadays I've been trying to avoid that kind of special formatting except in exceptional cases, such as the odd emphasized word here or there (and I even try to avoid emphasized words if at all possible).

Brackets doesn't sound bad. Maybe brackets within quotation marks? I'll have to experiment with this a little.

Alzarakh · Jul 28, 2014

It seems like italics are the way to go. I never really knew what to do that's why I used the single quotation marks initially. I'm slowly converting it over as I rewrite, it seems a lot cleaner and easier to follow. If a better way pops up I'll switch it again, overall the telepathy isn't used a whole lot in this WIP because the MC's are usually close enough to each other or just use their phones.

pyrosama · Jul 29, 2014

With 1st person narrative, it's sort of confusing when to use italics. If you separate the narrative with the thoughts of the character narrator, you would have something like so:

I entered the house from the rear. The pillows were thrown about, roaches skittered across the wall and disappeared into the crevices of the whittled crown molding. Elizabeth had let the place go. Filthy bitch.

There should be no confusion as to which is narrative and which is the character's thought.

Speech tags/trying to not confuse reader

Alzarakh

Orianna2000

Freelance Writer

Maryn

Baaa!

Alzarakh

SBibb

Brightdreamer

Just Another Lazy Perfectionist

Debbie V

Mentoring Myself and Others

SBibb

OutOfYourReality

Alzarakh

pyrosama

Pyrosama