- Joined
- Jun 18, 2012
- Messages
- 72
- Reaction score
- 4
- Location
- Limbo, Lowell, Massachusetts
- Website
- www.forthelost.org
This was all a dead drug addict’s fault. If Sam Journeycake, my half-brother, were alive, I would’ve never come into possession of his scratched up, heavy-as-hell Celtic ring. Why I decided to wear the ring that was part of his personal effects, I don’t know.
Do you have to mention it's his half-brother right away? Since this is the beginning of the story, the reader's not going to know who he is anyway. I do like the first sentence, (it gets your attention quickly) but I'd cut out the word "drug." "Come into posesssion" doesn't seem like it fits. The character voice seems to be more street-smart than book smart, and "got" or "gotten," possibly "inherited" works better. Along the same idea "that was part of his personal effects" doesn't fit either. I wouldn't replace it with anything, though, just take it out.