Society.

kyraagreen

Registered
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
3
Reaction score
0
Location
Indiana
Hey, be yourself.

But no society says. Not like that.

It's been brought to my attention that we live in society full of idiots. We call ourselves human but yet we live in this inhuman society with these monsters lurking inside of us. We live in a society were us girls are more concerned about looking perfect then actually believing were beautiful. We live in a society where the girls are taught how not to get raped, but wait.. aren't we supposed to be teaching the boys not to rape. We live in a society where people have the audacity to sit behind a computer screen and type " Kill yourself", press send, and not even bother to think twice about what they had said. A society were boys are never trusted. The mirage of what it is to be "perfect". And while you go on with your everyday life there are people like me and you just watching. We watch you worrying about the same thing, stressing over a guy or the way you look, and the way you dress because you don't want anybody to judge you. Because you can't be different. Being different would mean social torture.



Aren't we ignorant?
 

Raivnor

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 20, 2013
Messages
133
Reaction score
24
Location
California
How existentialist of you. I felt like I was reading Dostoevsky
 

Qetris

Registered
Joined
Sep 27, 2013
Messages
14
Reaction score
0
I agree with much in your post. You can definitely incorporate a lot of those views into poetry you want to write, or even fiction/creative nonfiction. I'm noticing that much of the reasoning behind what you (and I) observe can be attributed to some people's lack in self-confidence. It seems like every little loss in self-confidence eventually adds up. Sometimes, this creates a person programmed to try to conform 100 percent with what mass media portrays as the "perfect" lifestyle.
 

poetinahat

say it loud
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
21,851
Reaction score
10,441
Is this a poem?
 

Ken

Banned
Kind Benefactor
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
11,478
Reaction score
6,198
Location
AW. A very nice place!
Sure, there are "idiots" in the world. But there are also a lot of caring people. If that hasn't been your experience then you're hanging out with the wrong set. Maybe you're do for an overhaul. Cynicism is fine for poetry, but it can't be too skewed. Otherwise it comes off as personal essay. My 2 cents.
 

Jack Oskar Larm

Just me and my guitar
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 7, 2014
Messages
182
Reaction score
14
Location
Wombat forest, Victoria
Hey, be yourself. Couldn't agree more, unless you have to be someone else.

But no society says. Not like that.

It's been brought to my attention that we live in society full of idiots.
Who brought this to your attention? This is an exaggeration, of course. If by 'full' you mean 'no room left'.
We call ourselves human but yet we live in this inhuman society with these monsters lurking inside of us.
Are you a vampire or werewolf? I banished my monsters when I opened the cupboard to find it empty of monsters. But, seriously, these monsters are why we're writers. We need to be pushed up against something to have something to think and write about.
We live in a society were us girls are more concerned about looking perfect then actually believing were beautiful.
Okay, so you're a girl, and beauty is important to you. I'm guessing it's an age thing or a peer group thing or a self-esteem thing ... I find getting out of myself by writing or visiting friends very therapeutic. Hide the mirror.
We live in a society where the girls are taught how not to get raped, but wait.. aren't we supposed to be teaching the boys not to rape.
It all comes down to education, doesn't it? The problem is educating monsters.
We live in a society where people have the audacity to sit behind a computer screen and type " Kill yourself", press send, and not even bother to think twice about what they had said.
Bullies exist on every platform. Personally, I'd just move on and ignore the coward.
A society were boys are never trusted. The mirage of what it is to be "perfect". And while you go on with your everyday life there are people like me and you just watching.
What do you propose we do? I fear it might just create another batch of idiots. Having said that, every individual can make a difference. I suppose it's about priorities and one's community, which reminds me that I should let the chook out of her pen.
We watch you worrying about the same thing, stressing over a guy or the way you look, and the way you dress because you don't want anybody to judge you. Because you can't be different. Being different would mean social torture.
I think you've got some good material to work with here. The last two words seem to sum up your thoughts nicely: social torture.



Aren't we ignorant?

Yes, we are always ignorant of something. For most, like me, that ignorance can extend quite far.
 

CassandraW

Banned
Flounced
Kind Benefactor
Joined
Feb 18, 2012
Messages
24,012
Reaction score
6,476
Location
.
Is this a poem? Perhaps I don't understand what it is you're trying to do, but it looks like prose to me.
 

zanzjan

killin' all teh werds
Staff member
Moderator
Kind Benefactor
VPX
VPXI
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 5, 2010
Messages
9,728
Reaction score
3,208
Location
home home homityhomehome
Not sure quite what it is you want us to make of this. If you want feedback on it, you could post it in poetry critique, but honestly it is (at least in its present form) not a poem. The poetry folks there can definitely help you work it into a poem if that's what you want. If it's not a poem, you can take the time to participate in the community, hit the magic 50 post minimum, and post it for critique over in SYW, but if you do so I'd recommend being a bit more specific about what it is -- part of a character study? The beginnings of a larger piece?

It could use another pass for grammar/spelling.

As a standalone piece, which reads loosely but most closely as "essay", I totally see where you're coming from, but at the same time the piece is cynical and narrow and misses (or intentionally dismisses) an awful lot of good things and good people who aren't like that at all, and the piece is likely to be taken as both alienating and pointless.

So, stepping back: what is it you are wanting to accomplish with this piece? How can we help you get there or point you to those who can?
 

Debbie V

Mentoring Myself and Others
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 29, 2010
Messages
3,138
Reaction score
290
Location
New York
I think there is a poem in it, but it reads like a rant. Boil it down to it's essentials. Or keep it a rant. I like rants. Righteous rage is one of my favorite things.