Dialogue - formatting issue

Word Trance · Apr 13, 2015

I'm helping someone edit and I'm just not sure if the following is grammatically correct or if it is, if it's just confusing. The issue is concerning the colon, followed by a new indented paragraph, followed by the dialogue.

Tommy stormed into the party, pushed his way through the bustling crowd, reached the dance floor where his ex-girlfriend was embarrassing him, and sad:
"Who do you think you are? How could you have done this to me?"

Now this writer does this a lot--which is, they have a colon, then start and indent a new paragraph for the dialogue. Is that grammatically acceptable or commonly practiced?

I thought it might be, but that the colon should be replaced with a comma.

Thoughts? And thank you.

GinJones · Apr 13, 2015

No colon, no separate paragraph. Should be:

... and said, "Who do ...."

Word Trance · Apr 13, 2015

Thanks.
What about if they were trying to make the dialogue really stand out though. That's the impression I get at least. How could you start the dialogue on another paragraph while still having it flow as the example above?

mirandashell · Apr 13, 2015

You can't.

Word Trance · Apr 13, 2015

Haha, gotcha.

mirandashell · Apr 13, 2015

You're welcome.

Usher · Apr 13, 2015

Colons can be used for dialogue. It's not commonly done outside of audio/radio scripts. Which does seem to be the format they are using. My issue would be if there was lack of consistency.

I'm not sure about the indented paragraph but I have read books which use colons to introduce dialogue in place of the comma. However, I would probably use it without the said.

Tommy stormed into the party, pushed his way through the bustling crowd, reached the dance floor where his ex-girlfriend was embarrassing him.
He said: Who do you think you are? How could you have done this to me?

King Neptune · Apr 13, 2015

Having a paragraph of narrative; then starting a new paragraph for some dialogue is fine, but the colon is not the correct punctuation for that, and it would have the dialogue tag in the first paragraph.

Word Trance · Apr 13, 2015

Thank you. For some reason, I thought it seemed grammatically sound. The narrative, then dialogue in different paragraphs that is. Appreciate everyone's thoughts and help

LynnKHollander · Apr 15, 2015

I have a vague memory that colons should not follow or be followed by 'said' (or a synonym), but I can't find where I read that.

Bufty · Apr 16, 2015

Looks like a style thing to me with the colon intended to replace the Quote marks.

ink pen · Apr 16, 2015

I've seen colons (in addition to quotes) in older works, so maybe it's not wrong it's just out of fashion? I'd be interested if anyone knows more about the rules of the style or if it's ever acceptable to still use it.

[SUB]I kinda like how it can split up the narrative and the dialogue...[/SUB]

Usher · Apr 16, 2015

I wrote my post when I was ill - sorry about not making sense.

A radio play (for the BBC at least) is laid out as follows:
Scene 1:
JOHN AND FRED WALK BY EACH OTHER IN THE STREET

JOHN: Hi
sfx: cars going by the distance
FRED: Hi.

So I guess that is the format described in the OP. Colons in older books did sometimes come after he said/she said. It has almost completely fallen out of fashion though.

If you're wanting it to feel more like a script and use it consistently it probably still has a place. Although scripts for the screen take a different format. As a reader I'd be more concerned with consistency of use than anything else.

Bufty · Apr 16, 2015

Use it if you want to- there's no rules about style.

Whether or not it would appeal to an Agent or a publisher or a reader is up to that individual to decide.

ink pen said:
I've seen colons (in addition to quotes) in older works, so maybe it's not wrong it's just out of fashion? I'd be interested if anyone knows more about the rules of the style or if it's ever acceptable to still use it.

[SUB]I kinda like how it can split up the narrative and the dialogue...[/SUB]

veinglory · Apr 16, 2015

I use colons for speech occasionally, but never followed by a hard return and my editor almost always replaces then with a comma later....

BethS · Apr 16, 2015

Word Trance said:
Now this writer does this a lot--which is, they have a colon, then start and indent a new paragraph for the dialogue. Is that grammatically acceptable or commonly practiced?

No, it's not common. In fact, I've never seen that before. Should be a comma and it should be in the same paragraph.

King Neptune · Apr 16, 2015

I just remembered that the colon - new paragraph is similar to the way screenplays are formatted. Maybe the story was a conversion for a play.

WildcatJim2112 · Apr 16, 2015

Here's the test - pick up ANY fiction book out there and see how often it's used. Why set the manuscript up to get tossed to the refuse pile because the prospective agent finds it annoying.

Dialogue - formatting issue

Word Trance

GinJones

Word Trance

mirandashell

Word Trance

mirandashell

Usher

King Neptune

Word Trance

LynnKHollander

This space intentionally left blank

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

ink pen

Usher

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

veinglory

volitare nequeo

BethS

King Neptune

WildcatJim2112