Dialogue and Punctuation

evangaline · Apr 17, 2015

[FONT=&quot]*isigh* I should probably come here first when I have a problem, because I've searched for an answer with no luck. My question is about punctuation in this piece of dialogue:
"To you, sex is like eating and peeing, a basic necessity of existence. You want the freedom to f*ck others, but you don’t want me to say anything. So instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ I should ask, ‘How was your f*ck?’ and be happy about it."

My question concerns this part: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]So instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ I should ask, ‘How was your f*ck?’ and be happy about it. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Is the punctuation correct? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*sighs again with frustrat[FONT=&quot]ion[/FONT]*[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

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guttersquid · Apr 17, 2015

There is a rule that states: "Don't use commas to set off quoted elements that are embedded in a larger structure," and a given example is:

We often say "Sorry" when we don't really mean it.

So if we apply that rule to your sentence, we would get:

"So instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ I should ask ‘How was your f*ck?’ and be happy about it."

King Neptune · Apr 18, 2015

evangaline said:
[FONT=&quot]*isigh* I should probably come here first when I have a problem, because I've searched for an answer with no luck. My question is about punctuation in this piece of dialogue:
"To you, sex is like eating and peeing, a basic necessity of existence. You want the freedom to f*ck others, but you don’t want me to say anything. So instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ I should ask, ‘How was your f*ck?’ and be happy about it."

My question concerns this part: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]So instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ I should ask, ‘How was your f*ck?’ and be happy about it. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Is the punctuation correct? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]*sighs again with frustrat[FONT=&quot]ion[/FONT]*[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

There are people who would tell you to do something different with the punctuation, but I think that you handled it well. The comma after "ask" could be dropped; it is unnecessary. You could rewrite it a few different ways, and you could set off the sections with commas or colons, but that wouldn't improve it, and I think it's clear already.

evangaline · Apr 18, 2015

Thank you both! I truly appreciate your advice. Be gone comma after 'asked'!

Dialogue and Punctuation

evangaline

guttersquid

I agree with Roxxsmom.

King Neptune

evangaline