A small-town Southern girl must help free her father from the personal demons holding him hostage in order to be able to escape herself.
Summarize your book in one sentence?
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Time travelling convicts arrive in present-day Sydney in a tale of action, adventure, history, romance, revenge, honor and male stupidity.
A series of words strung together in such a manner as to convey thoughts and emotions to the reader.
This is so hard with a novel that needs multiple angles and threads to function 
Add my suckage at brevity and it's a disaster
"If too many cooks spoil the broth, imagine what too many prophets will do."
Add my suckage at brevity and it's a disaster "If too many cooks spoil the broth, imagine what too many prophets will do."
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I'm no industry professional, but as a layperson, I'd like to comment on how these one liners made me think / feel when I read them:
#1 My story is about a boy who lives below ground in 2070 and wants to find a way to Earth's surface which has remained untouched by humans for over 50 years.
Easy enough to understand. Hope the story is better than After Earth by Shammalamma...that guy that made that good movie with Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson.
#2 "All we have to do now is convince the powers that be that we’ve got a telepathic, intelligent, killer seaweed on our hands."
OK, some "nobody will believe us, we're on our own" kind of deal. The seaweed isn't some allegory for communism or the vegan movement, is it?
#3 We can't scratch the itch.
Not sure how you could stretch a story about skin irritation into more than 10,000 words. If it was "You can't stop the boogie", then I'm seeing limitless potential there.
#4 A retired neurosurgeon helping the police investigate a mysterious group of kidnappers playing catch-and-release with teenagers finds out, front row and center, how cutthroat the soul transfer business really is.
Obviously the "soul transfer" bit is the uppercut of your one-liner and it's good, but feels too wordy to me.
#5 A blood drinking creature seeks redemption by saving his lunch from a delusional anarchist in a mask.
First thing I thought was "Batman" - I don't know why. I'm getting images of some kind of "potential victim hates the killer creature but after bonding and escaping from a nutjob multiple times, they form a friendship/romance that is probably something more substantial than Stockholm Syndrome" story.
#8 Alzheimers went viral.
****, this is awesome! Three words and it opens up a whole world of infinite nightmare scenarios where the world loses its memory. City of Men, The Stand, World War Z kind of stuff and yeah, I want to know more.
#9 Blackmailed for murder, unable to prove his innocence, a man involves a county sheriff in his plan for revenge.
I'm not getting how he's innocent of murder but being blackmailed for it. It's not pressing any of my comprehension buttons in my brain.
#10 My story is about a woman, a man, and an androgynous person all trying to stop an invading army from enslaving their homeland.
I feel saying my story is about a woman and a man is not really giving the one liner impact.Of course the androgynous person is the one I wish you spent a few more words describing.
#11 Murder is a fine line easily crossed.
Not doing it for me. Good for a movie poster but not telling me about your story. What is the "fine line" of murder? You mean it's easy cross from "Not Murder" to "Murder". Like those people on the train that have super bad garlic breath and you just want to ram a mechanical pencil into their throat? Because...yeah...I never think about doing that...not ever...moving along...
#12 A girl tries to prevent her world from turning into a video game.
Straight forward and easy to understand for a dimwit like me. Just hope she has stocked up on power-ups.
#13 Thomas is looking for his brother and finds out a secret about his own identity.
What's the secret? Not sure why I needed to know his name was Thomas in the one-liner. Feels bland to me, like shredded cabbage without mayonnaise pretending to be coleslaw.
#14 She thought she left him five years ago for the right reasons but now she's not so sure.
Romance? It feels vague to me.
#15 A world dismissed as imaginings and pretense turns out to be very real, and very dangerous.
Narnia revisited? Could be horror, fantasy, adventure? Not sure...
#16 Sometimes you need to leave to realize what you have at home.
Not telling me anything about your story, but it would make a great fortune-cookie filler.
#17 A mermaid has to free the God of the Rising Sun from under the ocean and return him to the surface to restore daylight to the world
I'm getting it. A fantasy quest with a female lead. All I could say is the words could use a trim.
#18 Is one person's life worth more than another's just because of who they are?
A book about John Stuart Mills' theories on utilitarianism?
#19 Through games of golf and plates of poutine, a chauvinistic boy and chauvinistic girl realize they may not be that different at all.
It's not an opposites attract romance, clearly. But saying both the characters are chauvinistic makes me feel I don't want this couple to get together, lest they combine to form Chauvinor, Canada's most aggressive (yet polite) super-robot with a 7.9 handicap.
#20 An Emotive vampire meets her match.
A backwards Twilight kind of deal? Sorry, I'm not good at the whole paranormal romance thing.
#21 The biggest nerds in high school are left to fend for themselves when the zompocalypse comes to their town.
The Big Bang Theory meets Shaun of the Dead? I can dig it.
#23 An immortal bounty hunter gets royally screwed and must protect a woman and her young son while derailing a plot to expose the immortal race and begin a war.
Has the effect of a synopsis in disguise to me. Nothing is coming out and slapping me in the face and saying - "you need to know more, brah".
#25 An urban fantasy novel based on Viking mythology, Mortal Fears is the story of a murdered Seattle cop resurrected by the gods and sent back to earth to wage a clandestine war against the end of the world.
I'm getting it. Makes me think Robocop meets the Edda meets Constantine.
#26 Everybody goes insane.
A non-fiction book, then.
#28 Foster homes usually suck, but with a little bit of magic, a secret adventure and a whole lot of mis-matched foster siblings, this one could work.
I can see the elements at work here, but feels like a disguised synopsis that isn't actually a synopsis, if you get what I mean.
#29 An avant-garde artist interested in the meaning of life may be out to destroy it.
I feel it would be more interesting if life was out to destroy the avant-garde artist.
#30 the lies of a few trapped immortals, influence two
cultures into a 1500 year war, until one sets out to
right the wrongs.
One culture sets out to right the wrongs? Lack of a central character in the one liner is not making me understand the stakes or why I need to care. Maybe the immortals aren't the most essential part of the story?
#31 Starship Troopers without the political rhetoric.
Star Wars?
#32 She wants to find out who she is, but everyone around her remembers somebody different.
I'm liking this a lot. Quick and to the point, I want to know what's going on here. Like that movie where that woman from the Matrix spits into the coffee cup and Guy Pearce drinks it.
#35 A single mom in the ghetto, having lost one son in a gang war, works to protect her youngest from gang influence and overcoming many challenges walks away from the ghetto, to confront a number of new experiences through which they each grow.
Pretty long one liner. Pushing synopsis territory.
#36 A teenage boy travels across the United States in a post-apocalyptic world to find his brother.
Kung-Fu meets Mad Max. I sure want that teenage boy not to be a weenie for some reason.
#37 A young naval officer seeks revenge within high tek futuristic society, armed only with a sword, a bow and arrows and a nasty disposition.
It's begging the question - if the world is high-tech, surely he could find better weapons. Unless the arrows have nanotech warheads on them or that sword cuts people through 12 different dimensions.
#39 Road-tripping with an attractive artist is better than Mormonism.
Woman escapes Salt Lake City with Hunter S. Thompson? Short and snappy, no questions need to be asked here because I'm getting a quirky odd-couple romance road trip vibe.
#40 Underestimated man and boisterous woman save young genious and the future of teleportation.
By preventing a cut in university research funding? By encouraging him to believe in himself and the power of dreams? Why is the man underestimated? I know you can't cram that into one sentence, but I'm just not getting this one.
#42 Five friends are trapped in a hellish version of their hometown and the only person who can keep them alive killed herself ten years ago.
I know the second bit is supposed to get my interest, but if the town is a hellish version of the real one, it's no stretch of the imagination to think the tormented soul of the dead girl can actually guide / help them.
#43 Milly is being bullied by her worst enemy, herself.
A self-hatred kind of thing? Or a fantastical thing where "herself" is another being created from her mind? Need more info.
I want to do more but this takes so much time...
#1 My story is about a boy who lives below ground in 2070 and wants to find a way to Earth's surface which has remained untouched by humans for over 50 years.
Easy enough to understand. Hope the story is better than After Earth by Shammalamma...that guy that made that good movie with Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson.
#2 "All we have to do now is convince the powers that be that we’ve got a telepathic, intelligent, killer seaweed on our hands."
OK, some "nobody will believe us, we're on our own" kind of deal. The seaweed isn't some allegory for communism or the vegan movement, is it?
#3 We can't scratch the itch.
Not sure how you could stretch a story about skin irritation into more than 10,000 words. If it was "You can't stop the boogie", then I'm seeing limitless potential there.
#4 A retired neurosurgeon helping the police investigate a mysterious group of kidnappers playing catch-and-release with teenagers finds out, front row and center, how cutthroat the soul transfer business really is.
Obviously the "soul transfer" bit is the uppercut of your one-liner and it's good, but feels too wordy to me.
#5 A blood drinking creature seeks redemption by saving his lunch from a delusional anarchist in a mask.
First thing I thought was "Batman" - I don't know why. I'm getting images of some kind of "potential victim hates the killer creature but after bonding and escaping from a nutjob multiple times, they form a friendship/romance that is probably something more substantial than Stockholm Syndrome" story.
#8 Alzheimers went viral.
****, this is awesome! Three words and it opens up a whole world of infinite nightmare scenarios where the world loses its memory. City of Men, The Stand, World War Z kind of stuff and yeah, I want to know more.
#9 Blackmailed for murder, unable to prove his innocence, a man involves a county sheriff in his plan for revenge.
I'm not getting how he's innocent of murder but being blackmailed for it. It's not pressing any of my comprehension buttons in my brain.
#10 My story is about a woman, a man, and an androgynous person all trying to stop an invading army from enslaving their homeland.
I feel saying my story is about a woman and a man is not really giving the one liner impact.Of course the androgynous person is the one I wish you spent a few more words describing.
#11 Murder is a fine line easily crossed.
Not doing it for me. Good for a movie poster but not telling me about your story. What is the "fine line" of murder? You mean it's easy cross from "Not Murder" to "Murder". Like those people on the train that have super bad garlic breath and you just want to ram a mechanical pencil into their throat? Because...yeah...I never think about doing that...not ever...moving along...
#12 A girl tries to prevent her world from turning into a video game.
Straight forward and easy to understand for a dimwit like me. Just hope she has stocked up on power-ups.
#13 Thomas is looking for his brother and finds out a secret about his own identity.
What's the secret? Not sure why I needed to know his name was Thomas in the one-liner. Feels bland to me, like shredded cabbage without mayonnaise pretending to be coleslaw.
#14 She thought she left him five years ago for the right reasons but now she's not so sure.
Romance? It feels vague to me.
#15 A world dismissed as imaginings and pretense turns out to be very real, and very dangerous.
Narnia revisited? Could be horror, fantasy, adventure? Not sure...
#16 Sometimes you need to leave to realize what you have at home.
Not telling me anything about your story, but it would make a great fortune-cookie filler.
#17 A mermaid has to free the God of the Rising Sun from under the ocean and return him to the surface to restore daylight to the world
I'm getting it. A fantasy quest with a female lead. All I could say is the words could use a trim.
#18 Is one person's life worth more than another's just because of who they are?
A book about John Stuart Mills' theories on utilitarianism?
#19 Through games of golf and plates of poutine, a chauvinistic boy and chauvinistic girl realize they may not be that different at all.
It's not an opposites attract romance, clearly. But saying both the characters are chauvinistic makes me feel I don't want this couple to get together, lest they combine to form Chauvinor, Canada's most aggressive (yet polite) super-robot with a 7.9 handicap.
#20 An Emotive vampire meets her match.
A backwards Twilight kind of deal? Sorry, I'm not good at the whole paranormal romance thing.
#21 The biggest nerds in high school are left to fend for themselves when the zompocalypse comes to their town.
The Big Bang Theory meets Shaun of the Dead? I can dig it.
#23 An immortal bounty hunter gets royally screwed and must protect a woman and her young son while derailing a plot to expose the immortal race and begin a war.
Has the effect of a synopsis in disguise to me. Nothing is coming out and slapping me in the face and saying - "you need to know more, brah".
#25 An urban fantasy novel based on Viking mythology, Mortal Fears is the story of a murdered Seattle cop resurrected by the gods and sent back to earth to wage a clandestine war against the end of the world.
I'm getting it. Makes me think Robocop meets the Edda meets Constantine.
#26 Everybody goes insane.
A non-fiction book, then.
#28 Foster homes usually suck, but with a little bit of magic, a secret adventure and a whole lot of mis-matched foster siblings, this one could work.
I can see the elements at work here, but feels like a disguised synopsis that isn't actually a synopsis, if you get what I mean.
#29 An avant-garde artist interested in the meaning of life may be out to destroy it.
I feel it would be more interesting if life was out to destroy the avant-garde artist.
#30 the lies of a few trapped immortals, influence two
cultures into a 1500 year war, until one sets out to
right the wrongs.
One culture sets out to right the wrongs? Lack of a central character in the one liner is not making me understand the stakes or why I need to care. Maybe the immortals aren't the most essential part of the story?
#31 Starship Troopers without the political rhetoric.
Star Wars?
#32 She wants to find out who she is, but everyone around her remembers somebody different.
I'm liking this a lot. Quick and to the point, I want to know what's going on here. Like that movie where that woman from the Matrix spits into the coffee cup and Guy Pearce drinks it.
#35 A single mom in the ghetto, having lost one son in a gang war, works to protect her youngest from gang influence and overcoming many challenges walks away from the ghetto, to confront a number of new experiences through which they each grow.
Pretty long one liner. Pushing synopsis territory.
#36 A teenage boy travels across the United States in a post-apocalyptic world to find his brother.
Kung-Fu meets Mad Max. I sure want that teenage boy not to be a weenie for some reason.
#37 A young naval officer seeks revenge within high tek futuristic society, armed only with a sword, a bow and arrows and a nasty disposition.
It's begging the question - if the world is high-tech, surely he could find better weapons. Unless the arrows have nanotech warheads on them or that sword cuts people through 12 different dimensions.
#39 Road-tripping with an attractive artist is better than Mormonism.
Woman escapes Salt Lake City with Hunter S. Thompson? Short and snappy, no questions need to be asked here because I'm getting a quirky odd-couple romance road trip vibe.
#40 Underestimated man and boisterous woman save young genious and the future of teleportation.
By preventing a cut in university research funding? By encouraging him to believe in himself and the power of dreams? Why is the man underestimated? I know you can't cram that into one sentence, but I'm just not getting this one.
#42 Five friends are trapped in a hellish version of their hometown and the only person who can keep them alive killed herself ten years ago.
I know the second bit is supposed to get my interest, but if the town is a hellish version of the real one, it's no stretch of the imagination to think the tormented soul of the dead girl can actually guide / help them.
#43 Milly is being bullied by her worst enemy, herself.
A self-hatred kind of thing? Or a fantastical thing where "herself" is another being created from her mind? Need more info.
I want to do more but this takes so much time...
A world must war to save its existence, and as a result, learns the nature of death, the afterlife, and what lies beyond the skies.
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A boy and girl fall in love and must find the secret to breaking a curse in a vast world of islands.
While chasing Jarek Orch, the Galactic Seven are sent back to the 18th century and end up fighting in the Revolutionary War!
A recent widow finds her own way to deal with grief while the father of the child her husband died saving is compelled to help her.
(Grandchildren of Liberty) The fight to restart the original American experiment of self rule on an alternate world while also trying to free a future version of our own America from totalitarian rule.
and my WIP (Larian's Quest) A voyage to circumnavigate a frozen alien globe and re-enact an ancient legend from the beginnings of their history.
A man must find a way to save himself from a mysterious and fast acting poison while dealing with his relationship woes and a woman who sees him as her ticket to medical celebrity.
hellbee
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In the future, Martin Proust, a member of the last military force, is the only person that can't control what he remembers in a society that remembers everything.
From my current WIP:
"A lonely thirty year old man falls inappropriately in love with a troubled teenager."
And the idea that's been swimming around in my head as of late:
"Thirteen-year-old Ennis Eames thought he lost his older sister to a drowning accident five years ago, until a young woman looking just like Maggie crawls out of the muddy bayou water behind his house."
"A lonely thirty year old man falls inappropriately in love with a troubled teenager."
And the idea that's been swimming around in my head as of late:
"Thirteen-year-old Ennis Eames thought he lost his older sister to a drowning accident five years ago, until a young woman looking just like Maggie crawls out of the muddy bayou water behind his house."
A zombie apocalypse provides two families the chance to bury the hatchet of the past in a world with no future.
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