And I've also seen where an agent has written something like, "Don't just start telling me about your story without first telling me why you've written me. This is a professional letter--be professional." I research each agent before writing, and try to find out the agents' preferences.
For my most recent batches of queries, I've given genre and wordcount up front. My guess is that agents probably give that info a quick glance just to make sure what we've written is something they represent, before going on to read the rest of the letter. If they don't respesent that kind of story, they can stop reading right there and save themselves some time.
I think all of this is a good approach. The best approach, however, is to do enough research on an agent to find out what
she wants, and how
she wants it. Too many writers fail to research agents at all, beyond guidelines that list what kind of fiction the agent represents.
Because it's a business letter, it is good to get to the point, but the point is not always the hook. When the hook comes first, it's incredibly easy to just say NO!. This, at least, is how it works with many editors, and I know with some agents.
Hooks are always a double-edged sword. A write is risking a lot by expecting a hook, which is usually just one sentence, to keep an agent or editor reading. I like interesting first sentences, but I hate the very concept of a "hook".
All I want is a sentence that makes me wonder what's going on, and what the next sentence will be. This may sound like a hook, but it's nothing like most of the "hooks" I've seen in query letters.
I don't like "cleverness", I don't like spectacular, and I don't like a sentence that doesn't directly relate to the sentence that follows it. For me, the best possible first sentence is usually pretty quiet. It often doesn't make a sound. It isn't "clever", it isn't spectacular action, it just makes me say, "Huh, I wonder what this is all about, and where it's going?"
I read the next sentence to find out, and expect the same from it.
Just an intriguing,
well-written sentence that starts me on a journey.
Too many writers batch submit without knowing much at all about any of the agents, and they use some classic "hook" to start the query. Then they wonder why they receive so many rejections.
In fact, I think it's dangerous to think of the query as a business letter. It is, but it's not a letter to IBM, it's not a letter to any fortune 500 company, it's a letter about the business of writing a novel. If you're writing to IBM, you can write flat, you can write boring, you can be matter of fact about everything.
But if you're writing to an agent or an editor with the claim that you can write a novel that a million readers will want to buy, the writing in the query letter should be every bit as good, as exciting, as vibrant, as the writing in the novel. It does no good to tell and agent or editor that you can write well, you have to
show them.