Comedy Cabaret--2012 Road Trip

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cray

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no indeed.


i'm glad too because i have one more song before i must go swim.


*plunk*






*puts tiny roller skates on haggis*









btw, that one was requested by nina.
 

kayleamay

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I'ma feeling much more looooosy today.

*reads back*
*shakes head*
*stops short of third adjustment*
 

kayleamay

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Confirmed as spider bite, but healing. I'm down to two boobs and a small bump now.
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Yeah, I guess I was thinking sporing...

But seriously, them's good eatin'...just heat up in a little butter...yum.

The Morel:

552875_3010939708741_1119941091_32234843_666902290_n.jpg

OH yes !!!

What I gather is a cousin of the morel .. arranged in more of a 'heap' and dark brown rust in color, same kind of geography on the thing. Don't know the name. They taste pretty much the same and are the first mushroom to show up around here.

I may go out to find some more this afternoon.
 

Silent Rob

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Always use condiments, Fred!
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle, "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle, "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

Liver alone. Cheese mine.
http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/joke.php?id=512
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Haggis woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He had to find a way out of his duties at church.

So... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say mass for him that day.

As soon as he hung up, Haggis headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.

After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then HAggis hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished.

He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Dear Air Line companies

I have a way for you to get back in the black

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Can I have a lifetime pass?

Sincerely,
Cray
 

kenthepen

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Well, you DO sound slutty, grammar, and I'll have NOTHING to do with you! Keep away from me or I'll have to get a writta haybeez corpussle and call the cops!
 

cray

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how's your boob bite?

Confirmed as spider bite, but healing. I'm down to two boobs and a small bump now.


i think, perhaps, you misunderstood, klm.
i meant, how are you at biting boobs?



*looks at creep-o-meter*

*notices the needle is in the red zone*





*peels off shirt*


*looks at the needle straining to the right*



*presents boob to klm and smiles at the broken creep-o-meter*















:thankyou:









eta: good day, tot.
see what i did to the meter!!!???!!
 
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