Nonsensical question about sentence construction

evangaline

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I constantly stress over sentence construction. With that deleterious compulsion in mind, I have a question. Of the following sentences, is one more "correct" (as far as writing is concerned) than the other? To clarify, the MC is smoking a cigarette.

His brows knitted together as he sucked in a final drag.
As he sucked in a final drag, his brows knitted together.

IIRC, I read somewhere that it's "weak writing" to begin a sentence with as. *sighs* Any help would be greatly appreciated (including how to stop re-writing sentences a million different ways).
 

guttersquid

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is one more "correct" (as far as writing is concerned) than the other?

His brows knitted together as he sucked in a final drag.
As he sucked in a final drag, his brows knitted together.

They are both correct, meaning there's nothing incorrect about either. I prefer the first here, but which would be better would depend on the surrounding sentences. (I also would prefer knit over knitted, but that's just me.)

IIRC, I read somewhere that it's "weak writing" to begin a sentence with as.

As far as I'm concerned, starting with "as" is fine. It takes more than the first word of a sentence to make weak writing.

Any help would be greatly appreciated (including how to stop re-writing sentences a million different ways).

You can try the "gradual withdrawal" method, tapering off a bit more each day, or you can try to quit cold turkey. They might have a patch for that.
 

Ari Meermans

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Sentences aren't constructed in isolation. Context is important, as is the flow of the sentence when taken with surrounding sentences (there's a beat, a rhythm to prose). If your MC's knitted brows are in response to a comment or action, the flow of the first example goes a long way in describing his emotions or thoughts and prepares the reader for his next action. If the sentence is superfluous to the context, it should be removed.

As for starting a sentence with "as", it's perfectly acceptable in certain circumstances.
 
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tko

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Same-same, except the first implies he knitted his brows first (maybe someone asked him a question), the second implies sucking in the drag knitted his brows.

A more interesting question is whether sucking in a drag is redundant. Drag: the act of breathing in smoke from a cigarette. Suck: to pull air into your mouth.

His brows knitted together as he sucked in a final drag.
As he sucked in a final drag, his brows knitted together.
.
 

evangaline

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Thanks, guys! All of your suggestions truly helped.
tko, your question about redundancy piqued my curiosity. You were spot on.
Ari Meermans, you're absolutely correct about rhythm in prose. I'm constantly re-reading my sentences for rhythm.
*sigh* Guttersquid, I wish there was a patch!
 

Chase

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Speaking of redundancy . . .

Doesn't knit or knitted brows mean they're drawn together?

Thus (assuming context supports smoking):

His brows knit during a final drag.
 

Kylabelle

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As I recall from my smoking days, a "drag" was also the noun for a puff of a cigarette, so sucking in a drag would definitely be appropriate phrasing.
 

Roxxsmom

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Both are correct. Which one reads better would depend on the context and on the structure of the other sentences in the paragraph and passage.

At least that's my take on it.