LY words

Dennis E. Taylor

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I did an exercise where I looked for all ly adverbs in my WIP and tagged them. Then I went back and counted them, and let's just say I was unhappy with the results...

Anyway, I'm going through and trying to replace or just remove as many as I can, but I was wondering if there's any kind of resource for suggested replacements. I know every WIP is unique, but some generic constructions for replacing the ly words would help as a starting point.

For instance...

Suddenly, stuff happens.
Finally, stuff stops happening.
This rarely happens
Hopefully it won't happen again.
He smiled weakly.
They swiftly moved over.

etc etc.

I can usually figure out a replacement for a particular construction, but then I find myself overusing the replacement.

Anyway, suggestions or pointers appreciated.
 

King Neptune

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Don't worry about them, unless there really are too many. Depending on the kind of sentence it is, a sentence can have a couple of adverbs without any harm. Adverbs are only a problem if they are used unnecessarily. If something rarely happens, then why not write that? If a noise is very loud, then how else would one describe it? Extremely loud maybe?

One website points out that rewriting can be difficult, because the replacement for an adverb is another adverb.
 

Bufty

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If they are used by habit and/or with no thought, they spread like weeds.

Be aware of them, and if they serve no purpose or are unnecessary- cut them out.

Apart from that there's nothing wrong with them if they're deliberately used to convey a specific image and are the best way of conveying that image.

Rewriting is not difficult, and the solution/replacement for using too many adverbs is to drop them and use stronger verbs.
 
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mrsmig

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While I've got nothing against "ly" adverbs in general, an abundance of them can mean your verbs are weak and need those adverbs to punch them up. See if you can replace the verb + "ly" adverb construction with a stronger verb; e.g. replace "they swiftly moved over" with "they hurried over" (or charged, rushed, darted, scrambled, hustled, ran, trotted, etc.)
 

SWest

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...

For instance...

Suddenly, stuff happens.
Finally, stuff stops happening.
This rarely happens
Hopefully it won't happen again.
He smiled weakly.
They swiftly moved over.

...

How you expand/improve your narrative depends a lot on what POV, etc. you are using.

Suddenly stuff happens.
- Seems more like an author's Note To Self - like you're cruising along sketching things out and will have to get back to showing what's going on here. Snip this preamble and just get right into the stuff happening.

"I love you," he said.
She punched his ear, jumped off the wall, and ran into the storm.


Suddenly stuff stops happening. - Again, seems like you're talking to yourself. Readers will know stuff settles down when you continue the scene, scene break, etc.. Snip it and cope with what's important for and to your characters.

He smiled weakly. - Telling. NOT always a bad thing, but you have to decide when it's the best thing for the narrative. If you are doing it a lot, think about whether you might take advantage of an occasion to say something that shows how the character feels, or how he comes across to others in the scene:

She doubted the sincerity of his smile.
 

Bufty

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Hi Swest. Forgive me disagreeing here. :Hug2:

Nothing wrong with - He smiled, weakly.

A brilliant little sentence that shows and delivers exactly the image required.

I wouldn't quote it in any Showing/telling scenario as an illustration of what I might consider changing. To me, there is no apparent reason for changing or dropping that sentence, least of all because it's erroneously claimed to be 'telling'.

As far as I am aware there is only one way in which one can smile weakly no matter what the situation, although how a weak smile may be interpreted by an observer is another matter depending upon the scene.
 
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blacbird

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While I've got nothing against "ly" adverbs in general, an abundance of them can mean your verbs are weak and need those adverbs to punch them up.

This, and/or that your sentence structures may be too repetitive. Often restructuring a sentence can make it stronger and more effective, eliminating the need for the adverb. Adverbs in general are "telly" words, conveniences for the writer to feed an interpretation to the reader without all the hassle of conveying a description that allows the reader to do the hard work of interpreting. Overuse of them leads to flabby, uninteresting writing.

caw

caw
 

Dennis E. Taylor

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That might lead me to believe that there's a difference between an adverb used by the narrator and an adverb used by a character in dialog. People do use adverbs when talking, and I can't see a character trying to phrase his words so as to avoid "telling". ;)

Richard paused, and said, "We're probably going to catch hell for that..."
 

blacbird

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That might lead me to believe that there's a difference between an adverb used by the narrator and an adverb used by a character in dialog.

Of course there is. Grammatical "rules" and "principles" fly out the window like sated vampires when dialog is concerned. People speak in all manner of ungrammatical ways, and realistic characters should speak in the manner befitting their character. Where on earth did you get the idea that stuff in dialog should be constructed in the same way as stuff in narration? I don't think I ever recall anybody here ever saying that.

caw
 
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Dennis E. Taylor

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Where on earth did you get the idea that stuff in dialog should be constructed in the same way as stuff in narration? I don't think I ever recall anybody here ever saying that.

Didn't mean to imply that anyone had. This writing stuff doesn't really come with a manual (or, it comes with lots of manuals, many of which don't agree), so articulating the rules (which be more like suggestions, arrrrr) as I figure them out helps me get them straight.
 

Jamesaritchie

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Of course there is. Grammatical "rules" and "principles" fly out the window like sated vampires when dialog is concerned. People speak in all manner of ungrammatical ways, and realistic characters should speak in the manner befitting their character. Where on earth did you get the idea that stuff in dialog should be constructed in the same way as stuff in narration? I don't think I ever recall anybody here ever saying that.

caw

I'm straddling the fence on this one.

Well, it depends on who and what the character is, of course, but I'd never say the rules fly out the window. If a character is well-educated and well-read, this will likely show in his speech, and you can probably write it as is.

But when the character is the opposite of this, you do have to clean up his speech, apply some rules to it, and make it readable.

There's a balance between using every rule and principle, and throwing all the rules out the window. Neither approach is going to work well for much dialogue. You always have to think of the reader first, and this is what rules and principles are all about.
 

Jamesaritchie

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Hi Swest. Forgive me disagreeing here. :Hug2:

Nothing wrong with - He smiled, weakly.

A brilliant little sentence that shows and delivers exactly the image required.

I wouldn't quote it in any Showing/telling scenario as an illustration of what I might consider changing. To me, there is no apparent reason for changing or dropping that sentence, least of all because it's erroneously claimed to be 'telling'.

As far as I am aware there is only one way in which one can smile weakly no matter what the situation, although how a weak smile may be interpreted by an observer is another matter depending upon the scene.

It is tell, which doesn't make it automatically bad. It's also a horrid cliche, which does, I think, make it bad. I also have no clue how someone smiles "weakly". Can you also smile strongly?

And it shouldn't have the coma you inserted.
 

Jamesaritchie

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Ly words are not evil, but each one should justify its existence. They most often do indicate weak writing. When they don't indicate weak writing, the sentence probably reads better without them.

They certainly have a place in fiction, but too many is a strong indicator that the writing needs some serious work.

I use ly words regularly, and so does every good writer out there I can find, but it's how and where you use them that matters. The only one of yours I wouldn't change is "This rarely happens." This is a perfectly good sentence.

You really should look for replacements for ly words. The way to fix sentences like these is not to replace a word, but to rewrite the sentence. Ly words indicate weak writing, and replacing the ly word with some other word doesn't make the writing any stronger. Rewrite the sentence so it doesn't need an ly word, or a replacement.
 

Dennis E. Taylor

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I also have no clue how someone smiles "weakly". Can you also smile strongly?

I have a very strong mental picture of what smiling weakly is. It's when you are trying to smile to lessen the impact of something you've just said or something you've just pointed out, but aren't quite pulling it off. It's quite often accompanied by your eyes shifting away from the person you're talking to, and maybe even a slight shrug.

That's a lot of words to replace "smiled weakly".
 

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Lots of good advice above.^^^

The only "ly" word I ban from my writing is "suddenly," not because it is an adverb but because it has been overused ad nauseum. It rarely adds much to a sentence:

"Suddenly the doorbell rang."
"Suddenly he heard a car drive by."
"Suddenly Ginger stood up and went into the kitchen."
"Suddenly Laura began to cry."
"Suddenly he heard voices in the next room."

You could omit "suddenly" from all those sentences and not lose anything. Still, I must admit the word can sometimes perform a useful function, as here:

"Snow began to fall that morning. Suddenly it was winter."

:cool:
 

blacbird

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You could omit "suddenly" from all those sentences and not lose anything. Still, I must admit the word can sometimes perform a useful function, as here:

"Snow began to fall that morning. Suddenly it was winter."

Now it was winter.

That's the way it happened here last week.

caw
 

robjvargas

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The thing that I do in handling -ly words, first thing, is to simply remove them and see if the text is at all impacted.

It's not always impacted. I haven't counted the results, but it seems like almost every time, when there's any impact, the text is better off without the modifier at all.
 

Chase

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The thing that I do in handling -ly words, first thing, is to simply remove them and see if the text is at all impacted.

Excellent example, Rob! :D