Action scenes - how descriptive?

lalyil

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I'll start from the end - I've just reached page 80 of my script's second draft and I'm already fearing I will pass my 120 pages limit by a lot. I'm thinking possibly 130-140. I have too much story left.

I realized I've been quite descriptive in action scenes. Well, I wrote down every action as I saw it, as usual. And when a lot of things happen at once - it can be 5-10 pages of nonstop action. It's fun to read (according to my readers) and flows well, but I've heard before that you should only write the most important stuff (ie who got injured/died etc) and leave it for the choreographers.
I was hoping I could cut some corners by cutting a bit of my actions scenes, the question is then - how descriptive are your action scenes?
 
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cornflake

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I'll start from the end - I've just reached page 80 of my script's second draft and I'm already fearing I will pass my 120 pages limit by a lot. I'm thinking possibly 130-140. I have too much story left.

I realized I've been quite descriptive in action scenes. Well, I wrote down every action as I saw it, as usual. And when a lot of things happen at once - it can be 5-10 pages of nonstop action. It's fun to read (according to my readers) and flows well, but I've heard before that you should only write the most important stuff (ie who got injured/died etc) and leave it for the choreographers.
I was hoping I could cut some corners by cutting a bit of my actions scenes, the question is then - how descriptive are your action scenes?

Fun to read is meaningless.

Are you talking about 5-10 pages of action, like dialogue-free action? That's not ok unless you're writing Wall-E, the sequel.
 

lalyil

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Fun to read is meaningless.

Are you talking about 5-10 pages of action, like dialogue-free action? That's not ok unless you're writing Wall-E, the sequel.

I mean action scenes as in - quick cuts between scenes, high-speed, shootings, chasings etc :) There's some dialogue but not much I couldn't cut out, the more meaningful dialogue doesn't really happen during high speed action scenes.
 

cornflake

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I mean action scenes as in - quick cuts between scenes, high-speed, shootings, chasings etc :) There's some dialogue but not much I couldn't cut out, the more meaningful dialogue doesn't really happen during high speed action scenes.

I couldn't say unless I saw some - you're free to put up an excerpt if you wish - but it sounds like that's likely too much description. Unless it's specific for a reason Bond Cold Open-like stuff, but even that is going to be sparse on the page.
 

Wilde_at_heart

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Action scene descriptions should still be kept to a minimum. The more 'white space' on a page, the better. Avoid major blocks of text at all costs.

For instance in a fight scene you don't need to describe every movement, just the major ones. Then the wording itself can probably be trimmed as well.

Make sure to cut unnecessary repetition as well. For instance,

I'll start from the end - I've just reachedm at page 80 of my script's second draft and I'm already fearing I will pass my 120 pages limit by a lot. I'm thinking possibly 130-140. I have too much story left.

Just a quick example of how to trim.
 

guttersquid

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I suggest you get a script of an action movie you've seen. Compare how the scene appears on the page to how it appears on screen. So much of what you see on screen is determined by the filmmakers near the time of shooting. There's no way you can include such details in a script, so it's pointless to try to do so.
 

lalyil

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Thanks guys!
 

Day Agent

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lalyil, I suggest you focus on getting the feel of the sequence across and only go into detail for key events. That being said, it's a generalization and your decription may be highly narrative, moving the story forward well. I suppose that's the test, whether any prose adds to the story.
 

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Sounds like you are being to meticulous in your description. Try to write the same scene, but with less words. Can you express the same content in a simpler way?

Getting into too much detail is unnecessary anyways, because it puts up too many "rules" for the director to follow. The director is gonna make his own movie anyways.

And if you plan on being the director yourself, you already know what you want and don't have to formulate it for yourself in all detail - but a script like that would not read too professional for anybody else (at least I get that impression from what your posts sound like).
 

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I'll start from the end - I've just reached page 80 of my script's second draft and I'm already fearing I will pass my 120 pages limit by a lot. I'm thinking possibly 130-140. I have too much story left.

I realized I've been quite descriptive in action scenes. Well, I wrote down every action as I saw it, as usual. And when a lot of things happen at once - it can be 5-10 pages of nonstop action. It's fun to read (according to my readers) and flows well, but I've heard before that you should only write the most important stuff (ie who got injured/died etc) and leave it for the choreographers.
I was hoping I could cut some corners by cutting a bit of my actions scenes, the question is then - how descriptive are your action scenes?

Finish it. Then revise it after putting it down for a month. You'll see where to trim and edit, how words can be changed and mean the same thing in less space (sometimes brevity will make them more vivid).

Check out The Princess Bride. I like the idea behind its action. Precise at times, but fading into more generalized descriptions of the fight. The tone is set, THEN those generalizations occur to speed up the read.

Never cut corners. Cut fluff. My opinion.
 

gp101

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There was one time, and only once, where a script I was excited to write came in at 180 pages in the first draft--with no ending in sight. I thought I knew how it would end, but during the writing process, new, unforeseen possibilities cropped up for the storyline. Keep in mind this is a sci-fi thriller.

My original ending would no longer suffice, and despite multiple revisions, I couldn't bring this monstrosity below 180 pages. I had never had a problem chopping other scripts down from 110 or 120 pages to a more manageable length--had never had a problem killing my darlings. I soon realized the storyline of this particular script would be much more suited for a TV series (and yes, I've written TV specs and pilots before).

With that in mind, I re-thought the storyline and came up with a killer pilot episode that has done fairly well in the contest circuit. Not saying it's genius by any means, but probably turned out better in that medium than it would as a film.

All this to say, re-examine your script, your storyline, your intentions and see if maybe it works better as a TV series rather than a two-hour movie. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't.
 

Threak 17

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I would suggest checking out a few action scripts for comparison. Try not to get bogged down in the details, but leave enough to paint the picture. Scripts clocking in at over 120 pages are generally frowned upon by most production companies.