Query question--issue.

Jaegur

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Hi guys!

Well, I've been working on a query for my book for about two months now, and it hasn't really gotten any easier. I have three characters that all play big roles in the story, and then my antagonist. That's the first problem, because by leaving out one of the characters I either

A)Leave out the love interest.
or B) Leave out the best friend, whom a large portion of the plot revolves around.

Then, I keep vegging out on how much to reveal. Like, I've probably written 20 different queries. The latest one sitting in front of me has all 3 characters, and reveals some key points to the plot, not the ending, yet the plot point it reveals isn't wrapped up in this first book, though the main quest is.

Man, I ramble. So, I guess my questions for you guys are as follows:

Hell, I guess I said all that crap just to ask if it's bad form to have objects in the Query that aren't resolved at the end of the book. I mean, I have the 'what does this character need to do?' He needs to get object A. Yet, in the book he gets object A, but it doesn't resolve one of the problems.


AGGHHH my head is going to explode.
 

quicklime

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go to query letter hell, in the share your work section here.

Read the stickies, which address a lot of what you're asking.

Then read a page or five of ongoing threads, start to finish, to see the same issues actually being discussed, in a give-and-take format.

Then critique yourself, and watch threads evolve.

THEN submit your own query.




this isn't a sprint, i know that sounds like lots of waiting and it is, but if you want to learn, you have to actually put in the time learning.....
 

mayqueen

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I don't think it's bad form, if you say in the housekeeping section that the MS is part of a series and so long as it isn't terribly misleading. Like, "Sue wants to get revenge on her ex, so she joins a women's boxing club, makes friends, and punches the fucker," but the whole book is about Sue's break-up.

One character. One interesting problem. One set of stakes. That's what a good query should have. Show us an active character. But you don't have to show us the character fixing her problem.
 

Jaegur

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I actually have a thread there, and I've read all the stickies, but I can't really seem to find anything about having something in your query that isn't resolved in the book.

And, I feel like an ass to post a new query there, after a few people critique a different one, ha. Luckily, my latest one is already being dismantled on my computer, hasn't made it to print.



Here's one of my problems, and maybe it's just my MS.

My MC is Elijah. His best friend, Sara, is something called a Conduit. She is the person that will be the gateway for the origin wave, the energy that created the Fae long ago. Now, they are attacked by creatures that want to control her, and Elijah's main purpose is to keep her from them.


So, I have some queries where she isn't mentioned at all and Dimitri is, the love interest for Elijah, and where they have to get a disk. But, that disk has to do with the origin, but I can't really talk about that because Sara isn't in that query.

Ahh--ahh-- *headexplosion*
 
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Unimportant

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Any of twenty different queries could be written for your book. All of them would be factually correct. All of them would faithfully represent one major aspect of the book. All of them would be different.

Which one shows something that will best grab an agent's attention? That's what you have to decide.
 

ElaineA

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Any of twenty different queries could be written for your book. All of them would be factually correct. All of them would faithfully represent one major aspect of the book. All of them would be different.

Which one shows something that will best grab an agent's attention? That's what you have to decide.

This. In fact, there might be different versions of queries for the same book in the Made-up example Queries for Well Known Works thread. Scan it and see. Better yet, try writing a query of your own for a story with a complex storyline. Lord of the Rings or something. How would you query that? Or The Bible? Maybe doing it for fun on a book not your own will help you bust the dam for your book.

One thing I did want to offer an opinion on is the idea of an unresolved plot thread. Thinking as a reader, if the blurb on the back focused on a plot point that didn't get resolved, I think I'd feel cheated. Combine that with most agents' advice NOT to query a book as part of a series (I know you say yours stands alone and that's good), if you focus on the one aspect that naturally flows to the next book or is unresolved, you might have an issue there. I'd try to focus on the aspects that are contained and resolved in the MS you're querying.

I feel for you, Jaegur. I have 30+ query-attempts, too, and I worry more about what's not in each of them than what IS. It feels like I'm cheating my book. But as Gringa says, the agent won't know what you're leaving out. Just grab them with what's there and let the MS do the rest.
 

Sage

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Any of twenty different queries could be written for your book. All of them would be factually correct. All of them would faithfully represent one major aspect of the book. All of them would be different.

Which one shows something that will best grab an agent's attention? That's what you have to decide.

The reason that it's good to read pages of critiques on other queries is that those threads will show you what the Successful Queries thread never will: that every successful query leaves out a ton of stuff. Sure there are threads in QLH, where the final product is a shinier version of the original query, but so many are epicly different and will show you how queries that seem to be for different books, different characters, different conflicts are really the same book.

If I had to make a guess, I'd guess that Sarah is more important to the query than Dmitri, but I don't know your book or your query, so I can't say for sure.

As for something that's not resolved in the book, I guess it depends on what you mean by that. Is there a satisfying ending to some conflict in book 1? For example, in book 1 of Harry Potter, he doesn't vanquish Voldemort, but he does keep the Philosopher's/Sorceror's Stone from him, so Voldy is still a source of conflict that is dealt with satisfactorily in book 1.
 

quicklime

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A lot of what Sage and others have said. As another thought:

You can't utterly mis-represent your book. "My book, fifty shades of gray, is a childrens book teaching the values of sharing, honesty, and holding things on one's vagina...." At the same time, a query is NOT a synopsis. It is a teaser, and once it gives an agent a rough understanding of the book and convinces them to read the first few pages, the query's work is entirely done. The weight lies on the pages themselves instead. So....you don't need everything. You need "enough."
 

quicklime

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It never will.

caw

depends on the person....and perhaps their eagerness to give up and/or self-flagellate. You subbed one query in the past year (and honest to god, I love you blac, but my tolerance for bullshit is two-fingers at best...) and began it with a "this sucks, but....", and never really returned.

Shockingly, no, it did not get easier by osmosis, neglect, or Ernie Keebler elfin fucking magic.

Queries are a learned skill. learming kind of implies a time investment, OP. As well as a willingness to fall on your face/sword. Two months is NOTHING, particularly if you haven't in that time done at least a good 100 critiques yourself.
 

Gringa

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But as Gringa says, the agent won't know what you're leaving out..

Thanks sweetie. :) I confess I got this sage wisdom from Sage. It was a lightbulb moment for me. :Sun:
I share it –glad to be a messenger. :Hug2:

And to Jaegur: The main thing is to entice.
 
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Jaegur

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Thanks for all the advice, guys! I decided to just take a few days away from it, so will probably be hitting it again tomorrow evening. Again, thank you all! =)
 

LaneHeymont

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Mentioning too many characters in a query can be confusing as all heck. You want to narrow down to one or two — three is a HUGE stretch. Queries need to be concise and clear. Give us GMC — goal, motivation, conflict.

But like others have said, it is best to post it up in Query Letter Hell and let people rip it apart.

Just my $.02
 

Amy Writes

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Pick your most compelling thread. You can't explain all of the important parts of your book in your query. Heck, if you could who would read the whole book? Only you can decide what line to take. (And your query is getting there, so don't give up!)
 

Old Hack

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Spend a week or two critiquing all the queries you can. You'll be surprised how much you'll learn, and it'll help you see your own query more clearly when you get back to it.
 

Chasing the Horizon

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I recently wrote a query for a book with five major POV characters and a very active antagonist. In the book all their stories intertwine and play off each other, but in the query I only appear to have one protagonist. I chose the character I felt was most central to the story and wrote the query from her perspective. I haven't posted it anywhere, but I feel the query turned out quite well. There's just not space in a query for a bunch of characters. You have to choose one main character and focus on their journey and stakes. Remember that the point of a query is to interest someone in reading your story, not to summarize the entire book.
 

Kessar

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I am in the same boat. I have 3 main characters. I have the chapters alternating each character because they are never in the same room until the end of the manuscript. Each going through their own trials, through their own lives, through their own lessons in life. So the question is why not separate it into three books instead of creating one large novel juggling the three? Because the three characters coming together in the end is how the plot resolves itself.

In the end, I suggest putting in all three. Find a way to show the story is not complete without the three main characters. I wish you luck in your journey of juggling and hope I have helped in a round about way.
 

JJ Litke

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Two months is actually not that long. You aren't just writing a short piece, you're learning to write a query. That is not remotely the same as writing a novel, or even a short story.

My best advice for learning what to include is to write short pitches, like a 35-word pitch, or even a Twitter pitch. That'll force you to focus in on what's truly important, the real heart of the story. Then you can build up from there.

Then come on over to QLH. We aren't so bad. I mean, not all the time.
 

Roxxsmom

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I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about query letters except that they're supposed to entice the reader to take a look at the enclosed pages, and possibly look at a plot synopsis, and hopefully like those and ask for more.

Your story having more than one important character arc and multiple goals or stakes is hardly unusual. The thing is, you have to pick your focus for the query and focus on one major goal or conflict. I'd suggest you pick the one that is 1. set up in the first scene of the novel (since agents typically request just a few pages initially), and 2. The character/conflict whose choices and actions most affect the others or drive the central plot.

As for the ending? You don't have to give it away in a query, but you do in a synopsis. You focus on the main plot for a synopsis, but if something major about it is unresolved at the end and requires a sequel, you'll need to make that clear.

I second (or third or fourth or whatever) the advice to go to QLH. It's a painful and frustrating process, but peer feedback helped me winnow my own query down to something that's gotten a couple of requests for more so far from agents (just starting the process). You'll never get a unanimous thumbs up (some people still had issues, even when others thought it was pretty good), but there will be a point where you realize you've reached that point of "can't please everyone, but it at least does what I want it to do" point.
 
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JHFC

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Go to QLH. You will cry. And then you will write a better query.
 

Gringa

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OP's already in QLH....
 

Mr Flibble

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OK

One, don't over load with too many characters. You've got a couple of hundred words, and too many characters means you have no room left for plot. This is Bad

Your query need not -- indeed cannot -- cover everything. I'd think twice about adding something that isn;t resolved in the book you are actually querying.

But having said that, I reread my pitch for my next series (pitch being very similar to the query -- a couple of hundred words to explain why they should pay me to write it :D)

While the book has three POV plus Antag (and I dicker around with timelines too), the pitch mentions only two protags. I put in the inciting incident, how that lands them in the poop, and what mayhem follows. Looking at it now, this included ...let's call them mad unicorns.

Unicorns do not feature in the book. At all. No one has ever mentioned the lack of unicorns.

However, that said, editors know that books change as you write them. If you've already written it....

If your character needs to get Object A in the book, and does so that's fine. You don't necessarily need to add in to the query that actually it solves nothing because it turns out to be a dud or whatever

Keep to the bare bones of the plot and characters. This is not a detailed look at your plot -- that's what the work of the devil synopsis is for. It's a hook, a showcase of how you can pull a reader in, a brief look at the premise and characters that will let he agent know if this is the kind of book they can sell.

TL;DR

Keep it sharp and to the point. Don't overload it with unnecessary info. Leaving some things out of the query is inevitable. Just don't misrepresent your book as being something it isn't