Question about the First Line of a Query Letter

sayamini · Dec 3, 2014

So, here's a pair of what might be stupid questions. QueryShark insists that a query letter should begin with the plot summary, and that the title, genre, and word count should be after the summary.

1. Does the personalization segment go after the plot, too, then?

2. Is this even valid advice? Or is it best to start with the personalization, then go into plot, then go into WC and genre, etc? Or some other order?

Thanks for the help!

blacbird · Dec 4, 2014

I think the first line of any query should be:

Kick me.

caw

cornflake · Dec 4, 2014

sayamini said:
So, here's a pair of what might be stupid questions. QueryShark insists that a query letter should begin with the plot summary, and that the title, genre, and word count should be after the summary.

1. Does the personalization segment go after the plot, too, then?

2. Is this even valid advice? Or is it best to start with the personalization, then go into plot, then go into WC and genre, etc? Or some other order?

Thanks for the help!

Question the validity of the Shark at your own risk.

You can find the answers to these and many related questions in Query Letter Hell, in the Share Your Work section. The password is vista.

Putputt · Dec 4, 2014

It depends on the agent. Do your research. Some agents want the personalization and genre and word count upfront. Others, like the QS, prefer them at the bottom. If they don't specify, I'd go with what the QS says.

paddismac · Dec 4, 2014

sayamini said:
So, here's a pair of what might be stupid questions. QueryShark insists that a query letter should begin with the plot summary, and that the title, genre, and word count should be after the summary.

1. Does the personalization segment go after the plot, too, then?

2. Is this even valid advice? Or is it best to start with the personalization, then go into plot, then go into WC and genre, etc? Or some other order?

Thanks for the help!

This is most definitely valid advice. In fact. it's GOSPEL — for the Shark (and possibly every other agent at her particular agency).

It takes a lot of research to find this sort of advice though. Most official agency websites won't tell you exactly "how" to format your query letter, only "what" they want included.

Search for blogs, interviews, etc. by your chosen agent to learn everything you can possibly discover about him or her, then if you still can't find their preference, listen to the Shark!

Quickbread · Dec 4, 2014

The Shark

QueryShark is the reason I was able to land an agent. Thanks to the Shark's generous wisdom, I didn't behave like a total nincompoop with my queries.

rainsmom · Dec 4, 2014

You will not be rejected because you put the word count and genre at the top instead of the bottom, even if you submit to The Shark. Agents don't say, "Damn! That was a compelling pitch, but the author didn't figure out the secret code."

Write a compelling pitch. Include the title, genre, and word count somewhere. If you have prior publishing credits that somehow relate, include them. If not, don't stress it. If you are sending to this agent for a particular reason, personalize -- otherwise focus on your pitch.

Don't drive yourself nuts worrying about top or bottom. Drive yourself nuts writing a query they can't turn down.

heza · Dec 4, 2014

The prevailing wisdom in QLH is to start with the story. The idea is that the agent is looking for any excuse she can find to reject your work, and the more personal/business info you put at the beginning, the greater the risk of boring the agent.

But some people (Query Shark and Evil Editor) are very particular about the order of the query, and some don't care. Some want personalization at the front, and some want it at the end. UK queries seem to be altogether different beasts than US queries.

By and large, I don't think most agents nitpick quite that much when they read queries.

I think the most important thing is to not bury the story hook under too much bio or vital stat information. If you want to put it at the beginning, make it interesting and brief (though the same should be said for putting it at the end

).

ETA: Basically, the agent wants to know that you've got a story they can sell. The story should make up the vast majority of the query.

paddismac · Dec 4, 2014

heza said:
<snip> The idea is that the agent is looking for any excuse she can find to reject your work <snip>

I'm sorry if this is a total derail, but this just bothers me on so many levels, and I see it repeated often in many places. (Not ragging on you at all heza!)

Do agents make their living according to the number of times they can hit the delete button in a day? I almost picture them as sitting at their computer, banging "auto reject" repeatedly, and laughing maniacally at the poor, deluded authors who are dumb enough to think that agents actually want clients and manuscripts to sell.

It makes no sense... to me, anyway. But then, I'm quite naive about a lot of things.

Aggy B. · Dec 4, 2014

Agents want to find work they can sell, but out of 50-100 queries they might only be able to look at 3-4 MS. So they may not be looking for a reason to reject, but you want to be certain that you've done everything possible to make your query so good they have to say "Send me more" because average queries will be passed over.

I started my query with the story because that's the thing I was selling. I included my short story publications in a paragraph at the end, but the important thing was the book I was seeking representation for. Of course, in the end, the query that snagged my agent started with a three sentence summary/logline of my book, then a paragraph of genre/word count details, and my publishing history. It's not always an exact science, but do your homework and try your best and you should be okay.

Aggy, rule breaker

quicklime · Dec 5, 2014

paddismac said:
I'm sorry if this is a total derail, but this just bothers me on so many levels, and I see it repeated often in many places. (Not ragging on you at all heza!)

Do agents make their living according to the number of times they can hit the delete button in a day? I almost picture them as sitting at their computer, banging "auto reject" repeatedly, and laughing maniacally at the poor, deluded authors who are dumb enough to think that agents actually want clients and manuscripts to sell.

It makes no sense... to me, anyway. But then, I'm quite naive about a lot of things.

It isnt cruelty or a desire to squash dreams, it is simple triage.

If i gave you.ten hours of reading materials and two hours to read them you would also filter actively.

paddismac · Dec 5, 2014

quicklime said:
It isnt cruelty or a desire to squash dreams, it is simple triage.

If i gave you.ten hours of reading materials and two hours to read them you would also filter actively.

Yes, this is all truth!

As I said, I'm naive. I sincerely want to believe that every would be author has done their homework; that they've exhaustively researched every agent that they query, and have polished their query and pages until they sparkle like a Twilight vampire.

But I've never encountered a slush pile.

waylander · Dec 5, 2014

paddismac said:
Do agents make their living according to the number of times they can hit the delete button in a day? I almost picture them as sitting at their computer, banging "auto reject" repeatedly, and laughing maniacally at the poor, deluded authors who are dumb enough to think that agents actually want clients and manuscripts to sell.

It makes no sense... to me, anyway. But then, I'm quite naive about a lot of things.

Agents make their living selling books by their existing clients. This is what they spend the major part of their time doing. Reading queries is a small part of their job and often gets done in such spare minutes as they can find between doing more important stuff. Established agents have a good roster of clients who sell regularly and may take on a handful more each year if they find something they love.

JanetReid · Dec 5, 2014

Paddismac, nothing could be farther from the truth:

<Do agents make their living according to the number of times they can hit the delete button in a day? I almost picture them as sitting at their computer, banging "auto reject" repeatedly, and laughing maniacally at the poor, deluded authors who are dumb enough to think that agents actually want clients and manuscripts to sell.>

If anything, I'm frustrated with bad queries because I depend on queries to introduce me to work that I NEED in order to stay in business.

Why do you think agents go to conferences, do crazy stuff like #PitMad on Twitter, or run a QueryShark blog for YEARS to HELP WRITERS LEARN TO QUERY???

(ooh, sorry, shouting)

We're not gleeful about bad queries. We're not laughing at all. We're praying to get good work.

Every agent in the world feels this way.

paddismac · Dec 5, 2014

J.Reid said:
Paddismac, nothing could be farther from the truth:

<Do agents make their living according to the number of times they can hit the delete button in a day? I almost picture them as sitting at their computer, banging "auto reject" repeatedly, and laughing maniacally at the poor, deluded authors who are dumb enough to think that agents actually want clients and manuscripts to sell.>

If anything, I'm frustrated with bad queries because I depend on queries to introduce me to work that I NEED in order to stay in business.

Why do you think agents go to conferences, do crazy stuff like #PitMad on Twitter, or run a QueryShark blog for YEARS to HELP WRITERS LEARN TO QUERY???

(ooh, sorry, shouting)

We're not gleeful about bad queries. We're not laughing at all. We're praying to get good work.

Every agent in the world feels this way.

Thank you, Ms. Reid, for reassuring me that GOOD queries and pages to the RIGHT agents really do receive consideration. I've suspected that to be the case!

- PaddisMac (who's messing with a kidlit manuscript and will, sadly, not be querying The Shark)

heza · Dec 5, 2014

paddismac said:
I'm sorry if this is a total derail, but this just bothers me on so many levels, and I see it repeated often in many places. (Not ragging on you at all heza!)

Agents don't gleefully reject queries, I'm sure. But I've seen a lot of them say they don't have much time to spend on queries, and at whatever point a project has revealed a major flaw, they'll stop investing in it because they have a ton of other projects to consider that don't have that flaw. They just get very good at seeing these flaws quickly.

Regardless, this phrase is more something we tell ourselves as writers. It's basically just pithy shorthand for, "Agents are really busy and don't spend a lot of time with query letters that have obvious problems. If you know it's best to do things a certain way, then do them that way. Don't offer up any reason for an agent to not love your query. That's just shooting yourself in the foot."

Sage · Dec 5, 2014

If the personalization is really good personalization ("We met at Awesome Writer Conference and you said you were in the market for a YA that was basically Firefly with zombies, so I am querying you with my xx,000-word YA space western, ZOMBIES IN SPACE." "Thanks for favoriting my pitch for my xx,000-word YA SF in #pitmad."), I think you should absolutely put it up front. But, otherwise, I agree that it's best to start with the story, unless the agent has mentioned a preference for something else.

Though agents don't have much time for queries, I don't think they read them looking for a reason to reject. I think they read them looking for a reason to ask for more. If you put personalization up front, and it's not too exciting, they're not going to reject based on that. They'll skip ahead to the book description, because that's what they care about. If you put personalization up front and it's crazy or creepy ("I'm querying you with this because I saw you were reading a similar book on the bus yesterday while I followed you around"), yeah, they're not going to bother reading your pitch. And probably call the cops

Laer Carroll · Dec 6, 2014

The only useful rule about this issue is: make the first line a grabber. If it's a plot or character or setting hook, go with that. If it's a personal note WHICH WILL WORK do that.

Question about the First Line of a Query Letter

sayamini

i could go for another cappuccino.

blacbird

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

Putputt

permanently suctioned to Buz's leg

paddismac

Parasite free since '09

Quickbread

rainsmom

Feeling like an old timer

heza

paddismac

Parasite free since '09

Aggy B.

Not as sweet as you think

quicklime

all out of fucks to give

paddismac

Parasite free since '09

waylander

Who's going for a beer?

JanetReid

paddismac

Parasite free since '09

heza

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Laer Carroll

Aerospace engineer turned writer