BS your way through

Nymtoc

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At 6 p.m., reset your watch to 3 p.m.

If I call Sarah Palin's family "trailer trash," can they sue me?
 

Yourg

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No. While they were manufactured at the same cloning plant in Toledo, Ohio, each has her own serial number, eternal, immutable soul, taste in men, and predisposition towards wolves.

Who invented rock and roll?
 

Nymtoc

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Casper Amadeus Mozart, Wolfgang's kid brother.

How long do we have to wait for a Milli Vanilli revival?
 

Yourg

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Look into my eyes; it's happening right NOW...in my frontal lobe. Look, Milli has a beard now. And Vanilli is now Vanilla!

What are the Four Virtues, as expounded by Aristotle?



.
 
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Nymtoc

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Don't you Read, Man?!

That's your BS question?

The answer is "Only on alternate Tuesdays, when I'm standing on my head."

:e2bouncey

Will the world go to Hell in a handbasket or in a more modern conveyance?
 

Craig McNeil

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A hard drive. It's all virtual. The Matrix was a film about a virtual world set in a virtual world all set in this real live virtual world. When the hard drive crashes we'll likely see a lot of black cats.

Whisky - it's brilliant! What's in the Scottish waters that makes it so much better than whiskey?
 

Nymtoc

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Nessie. Her essence spreads from Loch Ness to the Tomatin Distillery near Inverness and thence to all the other Scottish distilleries. (I am the first person to reveal this trade secret. :D)

Will zeppelins ever become popular again?
 

tiddlywinks

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Zeppelins will only float back into existence when we recommence work on that Stairway to Heaven. Might want to get started on that now before the Virtual Hell in a Handbasket initiates. And DON'T, whatever you do, go the cheap route and make the stairway a ladder. Because if I walk under that ladder and see the black cat after the Virtual Hell, well, then I'm doomed to Purgatory wherein I have to watch that horrible Godzilla remake with Matthew Broderick that ruins good Kashmir.

If you suck down hydrogen instead of helium, do you start belching fire and singing Enter Sandman to the tune of Apocalyptica's strings? Or is that the whisky talking again?
 

Nymtoc

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Because their chemical compositions are similar. But a more interesting question is: How do you know what horse piss tastes like? :poke:

How can I keep the goblins away?
 

Nymtoc

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Okra is not merely sanctioned as a vegetable. It is the Queen of the Vegetables. It is low-calorie, contains neither saturated fats nor cholesterol and is rich in Vitamin A. And when it comes to taste, what can compare to okra fritters?

How can you make a jack-o-lantern if you don't have a pumpkin?
 

Reziac

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There are perfectly good skulls all around you. In fact, you have one of your own! Hollow one out, stick a candle in it, and behold, a totally traditional jack-o-lantern!

Why is it the skull and crossbones? Why isn't it the skull and ribcage?
 

C.bronco

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Ribcages are harder to draw after three mugs of grog, and pirate artists opted for crossbones because they were sleepy and had to finish before the Captain got angry.

Who is responsible for the 99 bottles of beer on the wall song, and was he or she assassinated after the First Road Trip?
 

tiddlywinks

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Davey Jones, of course. Why else do you think they stuffed him in a locker at the bottom of the sea? He gets really high pitched and weepy when he's drunk.

*leans in close*

In fact, I hear tale that if you sing the song backwards into your beer late at night, he'll show up and teach your parakeet the song in revenge.

Polly wants a cracker, but she's gluten-sensitive - any suggestions?
 

keiju

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Paleo Polly, anyone? Grains aren't good for birds.

Why does my mouse hand go cold?
 

eoficon

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Keiju, being the first successful human recipient of a rodent replacement arm, it is to be expected that you, and specifically in this case, your nervous tissue, will have trouble collecting, transmitting and translating data from the little mouse receptors. If the problem persists, however, it is a early warning sign that your body may be rejecting the transplant. Please come back out of that maze so we can do further tests. We have cheese.

Why is cheese so delicious?
 
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C.bronco

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Clearly, cheese is delicious because it is Dairy!!!! You can't go wrong with dairy. Even the lactose intolerant can enjoy the awesomeness of dairy with Lactaid.

I
s it dangerous to place a lit candle in the bathroom, and has anyone ever needed medical attention because of it?
 
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Nymtoc

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The disasters caused by lit candles in bathrooms are too numerous to list here. They range from a singed toothbrush to an entire roll of toilet paper going up in flames. As for medical attention, Doris Dumpfelpflug, of Denver, was rushed to the hospital after her left eyelash caught fire (the eyelash was false, but the event was traumatic). Be warned!

What will we do when the well runs dry?
 

tiddlywinks

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Blame it on the hole in the bucket, dear Liza. For without a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, we wouldn't have wasted so much water from the well.

How does one abstain from ruining pants when there's money burning a hole in the pockets?
 

C.bronco

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In these instances, it is important to have a bowl of icewater handy. Sudden riches have ruined pants in many ways, and cold water can take out many stains and incendiary conditions.

Why have chocolate pants not come into vogue?
 

C.bronco

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They would, but they are so stressed by people asking them, "How now brown cow?" that they have given up. Too bad so sad.

Why don't people just Back Off of the cows and let them do their thing? SHEESH!