Miss Strawberrii Speaks Out Here

Last night it felt like everything I want to do has this tedious process that makes me just want to quit in the middle. I cried for a bit when I realized that.

Like, I'll get a burst to write, then suddenly it feels like a chore so I stop and I don't want to do it anymore. Same thing with drawing. It's worse when I want to try and color the art. I begin trying to color, and I get bored with it, and don't bother finishing the work.

Everything is just so tedious I get frustrated with myself and just give up.

Ugh. I hate this part of me...

Glad I'm human. I think.

Thursday and Saturday I volunteered at a local event for indie medium (film, games, music, etc.) Thursday it was so easy, because the section I volunteered for was so slow, and my volunteer partner did everything before I had a chance to.

We sat behind a table and just had to greet people, get their zip code and offer a brochure. Since only a few came in at a time, my partner caught them quickly and did the talking. I just was able to wish them well.

Saturday morning it was just me. My friend was there as well, since he was dropped off with me for the time being. Less than halfway through my shift I started feeling anxious and nervous. Like my stomach had turned inside out. I didn't feel as confident anymore. I wanted to go home and crawl into bed until everything washed over.

My friend ended up doing most of the talking. Like me, he has a mental illness, though I think it's minor. He did it so easily, and I knew he could get a job if he tried.

I told him how pathetic I felt. I may have had two jobs in 2007, but that's only because my mother was connected with both. They didn't last but 2 months anyway. Do people really think I have a chance to get one? I *want* one, but if I feel like that everyday regardless of the fact that I took my pills, then I don't know.

Yet, I feel so useless...

Also, I say "but" a lot.

I wonder if there will be other opportunities. Nothing exciting ever happens here. XD

In other news, my boyfriend and I bought ourselves bikes randomly. His idea. Of course, he'll have to teach me as if he's my parent again. I'm THAT inbalanced. ;_;

I realized that my concussion from years ago gives me more issues than I thought apart from terrible memory and clumsiness.

Having more trouble than usual...
Remembering things
Paying attention or concentrating
Organizing daily tasks
Making decisions and solving problems

Getting lost or easily confused

Loss of balance, feeling light-headed

Increased sensitivity to:
Sounds
Lights
Distractions

Concentration difficulties

Some of these I thought was just me being... dumb... D:

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I guess I'm going to become less and less distant from my best friend, but this time on purpose.

We have known each other since we were about 10 years old.

Back in the day I knew her like the back of my hand. She was a lot of fun. We created crazy stories, and even had stories that had sex and gayness, and innuendos.

She even played games.

Then six years ago, after moving 14 hours south, we were still able to talk to each other on the phone a lot.

But recently--which I noticed during December, that I did not know who she was anymore. When I looked on her Facebook, I realized that all she posted about was God this, God that. That's great.

I mean I'm Christian, too. Well, now I'm debating within myself.

Even when I was, people still knew ME.

I always knew we would disagree on little things because I'm more open about things. I'm also bisexual, so of course I agree that everyone should be allowed marriage. And this is such a stupid subject with Christians. Really stupid.

Her boyfriend posts an article about a baker refusing to bake a cake for a gay couple. I basically post "that's mean, everyone deserves a cake", and now we're suddenly in some debate.

My friend admitted that she WOULD NOT bake a cake for that couple. Her "Christian Faith" comes before her job.

I am seriously disappointed in her. This is not about gay marriage anymore, but discrimination. As far as I'm concerned, God would want her to bake a cake for them--to love them.

And if she still think she shouldn't, I might abandon our "best friendship" pretty darn soon, because that's fucking selfish. She is the worst case of Christianity I've ever seen, and it's because of people like her I'm loosing my faith.

Damn you BB. Why do you have to do this?