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You bring up a very good point. The problem is that I really do want to kind of have a conversation about some of these issues within the context of the story, because I think that they're interesting. I guess part of my initial goal was to take them out of a South Asian setting and put them somewhere that makes it less like I'm pointing fingers? But I don't suppose that's very possible considering that my source material is fairly obvious. But I don't think that these problems are just South Asian problems either; I think that there are certainly threads of them in every culture (poverty, for one; abuse of animals; sexism; classism).
I was actually thinking about removing the references I have to the caste system in the story. It is a plot point that people feel that they have no choice but to stay in the occupation they were born into- it is a particular plot point when a devadasi-type character has a daughter and is frightened by the fact that she will also be forced to be a devadasi. Though I'm not sure if this is how India's caste system works exactly; obviously I need to do more research. I know it's not exactly how becoming a devadasi usually works, though, and of course in my story there are no British colonialists who adversely affect the practice either. It's definitely something I need to think about carefully.
For the most part, actually, my characters don't challenge the customs; I tried for the most part to just present them and let the reader draw their own conclusions. I particularly tried to present the people who abused the elephant-like creatures like actual people and not monsters. I also didn't want to fall into the they-just-don't-know-what-they're-doing-and-some-white-person-needs-to-teach-them trap. (shudder) The reason I find these issues so interesting to talk about is because the people involved in them really do have powerful reasons to continue the practices in the first place... like, in general I would like my writing to be less like "look at these ignorant assholes" and more like "look at this shitty situation these people have found themselves in." And I think a lot of authors really need to strive for that, honestly.
So yes... research. I will do it. Keyan, as someone from a South Asian background, I would love it if you might be able to skim over my draft if you have time- your insight would be invaluable. I completely understand if you don't have time, or even if you simply aren't interested, though.
I can't undertake it right now (swamped!), but maybe later as your draft progresses?
I think you have given yourself a tricky problem: You want to criticize the customs of a different culture, in fictional form. (If I'm hearing you correctly.) This is tough to do - and I'm not for a moment suggesting they don't need to be criticized. But. By just laying it out for a Western audience, it almost by definition means that it will be examined through a different cultural lens.
I personally don't have a major problem with that when the lens is part of the story. For instance the indie movie "Sita Sings the Blues" is an examination of the Ramayana from the viewpoint of an American woman who follows her (American) boyfriend to India and is dumped. I think it's entirely legit, since it reflects her personal engagement with the Ramayana, and it's a great movie.
However, there are people who do mind, a lot, and consider it the worst kind of cultural appropriation because there are millions of people for whom the Ramayana is not just an epic, it's considered the religious truth - as there are people who believe in the Bible the same way in the US. (And those believers would probably be infuriated if an Indian woman came to Los Angeles and made a movie about the role of Mary or Mary Magdalene.)
What becomes more problematic is if it's laying out the culture with the sub-text of "See? Any right-thinking person would find this awful."
In that case, if the culture is identifiable, it's going to open you up to criticism that you don't understand. Filing off the serial numbers becomes more important.
If you've seen Le Miserables - consider the fate of Cosette had Valjean not rescued her. She'd have been raised as a servant girl, and probably forced into prostitution in her teens. Not because of a caste system, but because of lack of social mobility. How much does it differ from a devdasi's daughter?