Hey how is my intro going

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ivan_x3000

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There's this short fan fiction thing that my Facebook group is doing and for some reason i got this cool Wall-e type of robot character that is you know the last robot left trying restore the world called The Sentinel. I think i might entitle it "The Steel Sentinel"

Anyways here is the first couple of paragraphs....
"The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals, the beauty of man, his infinite capacities and his infinite impurities, the world that he created, the world that was, over several lifetimes in a blink of an eye dead and gone. A huge monolithic metallic beast rises from a sandy dried up ground hauling a giant pile of ore. As the sand drips out of its huge body the remains of a once state-of-the-art-robot is unveiled. The robot is bulky as if a hulking meathead with more muscle than brains, its exterior is almost like pottery from the dirt and other elements it has ventured against from the last millennia. The gigantic robot drags its large haul of ore and places it in a make shift trolley carrying an even larger stock of ores. The big robot proceeds to drag his formidable collection of ore to a far away destination.

The destination of the collection is an even larger voyage and greater fete than his large collection of ore and days as well as weeks pass on by with the large robot dragging his precious cargo in the daunting heat. During his voyage a large desert reveals itself yet the busy robot is unfazed. In time the huge desert transitions into a series of mountains yet it is still unfazed. He continues on like this as the mountains transition into an alternating series of desert, mountains and forest only when it reaches a large body of water that the unyielding robot takes a break but even then he is unfazed he simply sets off an ingenious contraption on his make shit trailer and continuous to drag it floating in the water. Leaving the water washes some the dirt off its hull enough to reveal a faint red label that reads, “Sentinel number seven hundred thousand and forty-six”. And thus our robot friend is named a Sentinel, a fitting name for such a persevering little robot.

In time the Sentinel arrives home to the remains of a city where only debris and the asphalt road remain. As he gets closer to his destination in the city several of his companion Sentinels themselves lay in ruins littered among the streets parts and all some with a rare few with some spark to move but only in a way the emulate agony. When he arrives a monolithic skeleton of a new building dwarves the gigantic robot, he continues on to store the large haul of ore into another larger set of different ores and other materials before he sets the machine to create more parts and returns to working on the seventy-sixth floor of the building."
 

jvc

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ivan_x3000

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Oh soz i just saw went to the large thread that said "short fiction" since at the moment there is no difference from short story or fan fiction with it at the moment.
 
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jvc

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It's always a good idea to look around get to know the place first, before asking for a critique. You could start with posting an intro thread in the Newbie Forum. Also read the stickies in each of the forums you want to post in, and other threads on the first page, just to get to know the forum. Each forum has its own vibe and community. Posting in threads, helping out other people, and generally getting involved is a good way for you to become part of the community. Then, when the time comes for you to post your work for feedback, loads of people will want to help you out, because you've made so many great friends.

The social threads are brilliant to get to know people in. And you can't get drunk in a social thread. Well, I don't think you can. It may take a lot. But it could be doable.
 
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jvc

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Just to correct my previous post, you can post in SYW with less than 50 posts, you just can't start a thread there. So, you can offer critiques and feedback on other members' works, which is a good way to improve your own writing and give to the community before asking of it.
 

blacbird

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What your intro is going to get is to get this thread closed. Please check the "New Members" forum for info on how this site is managed.

caw
 
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