Stupid things non-writers say

Haggis said:

Hey. I always have the same 5 drunk guys in everything I write. Do you suppose that's what's been holding me back?

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Maybe you should find five other drunk guys and see if your writing improves.

"So when are you, like, going to be on Oprah?"
(when you, like, grow a brain.)

"So how much do you get paid? A million dollars?"
(Yes, my pseudonym is Nora Roberts)

"Are you working right now?"
"Yes." (me gritting my teeth)
"Writing?"
"Yes."
"Okay, enough about you, lets talk about my boring life and dumb crap...blah blah blah."
"ARGHHHHHH!! (the sound of my bashing my skull on the desk)

My mom got me a shirt that says "Careful, or you'll end up in my next novel."

PattiTheWicked said:

My mom got me a shirt that says "Careful, or you'll end up in my next novel."

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The pen is mightier than the sored.

PattiTheWicked said:

My mom got me a shirt that says "Careful, or you'll end up in my next novel."

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Ooooh, I want a shirt like that! Especially since my neighbor, my boss, and his boss above him are all in my manuscript. They'd never recognize themselves, but I know it's them. *cackles evilly*

From my decades of songwriting experience I can echo the sentiments here. "Why don't you write a song about 9/11 like Alan Jackson did?"

"Because he doesn't mind profiting from others' suffering, and he's country. No thanks."

"What's wrong with country music?"

"Got a few hours?"

"Don't you care about them people who died?"

"Will you please shoot me and get it over with?"

And now this gem of wisdom from the late Glen Buxton: "Ya can't win wid 'em." I couldn't have said it better.

As stated elsewhere, almost everyone I hang out with either doesn't like to read or CAN'T read. On those extremely rare occasions when my writing is a topic of conversation I usually get a lot of props for being able to string words together. When school is in, I get about one desperate request a week to help someone with homework. People one has helped turn a "D" into a "B" are usually going to keep their mouths shut when a stupid question or remark about one's writing pops into their heads.

I DO get the occasional IM from a stranger asking me to read something he/she has written or telling me that his life is really interesting and "someone" should write a book about it.

Oh, gee, thanks! Heard most of those comments and I now need more coffee to get over it. I shoulda stayed away from this thread.

xhouseboy said:

Where do you get your ideas?

Little shop down the road's running a special on them. Buy one, get one free.

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I'm totally going to use this one next time this question is asked of me.

So is that sentence grammatically correct cause I think my stepmom who's third language is English has better grammar than me. Is that sad or what?

Signals Catalog: Careful or You'll End Up In My Novel

LeslieB said:

Ooooh, I want a shirt like that! Especially since my neighbor, my boss, and his boss above him are all in my manuscript. They'd never recognize themselves, but I know it's them. *cackles evilly*

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I put my best friend from my teens in my book. I killed him.

The stupidest thing any non-writer has ever said to me about writing is:

"So, how many books have you publicated?"

Not 'published'. Publicated.

The second-stupidest thing any non-writer has said to me about writing comes in the form of the following conversation:

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a writer."

"No, I mean do you have a real job?"

That conversation was the pre-requisite for me being able to consider buying a Kirby vacuum cleaner. Because I did not have a 'regular' job, he wouldn't even let me look at it.

I will never purchase a Kirby again, because of their salesman's snotty attitude toward my career.

My dad looks at writing as a waste of time. Once, when I shared with him that an agent had requested to see some of my manu..he told me that there are millions of people that write, the competition is too tough and that it's pointless to pursue something everyone else is trying to do.

All I could do was sit there and stare at him, whilst in my mind I was running through my list of real life friends who write..which was NIL..which is why I ended up here!

He's a black and white guy who never appreciated my focus on drawing, painting and art in high school...it never pays the bills you know! (pffft) I believed a lot of that crap in high school, but now as an adult, I only share my writing with people who ask about it and offer nothing to my dad until the day I can present him with a shining new copy of my first published novel. Even then, I'm sure he will have something to say about it.

I encourage parents to never discourage their childrens dreams. Art can and does provide scholarships for college. Art in any form, be it writing, painting, drawing, music, sculpture. If we cant pursue our dreams, what on earth are we here for?

I never expect my dreams to pay my bills, dreams are not about the money, but more about accomplishing something we never imagined we could! My dream is to give something back to the book world for the years of escape and adventure, horror and sadness that I enjoyed in reading them. Now, I want to be a part of that..and I never give credibility to anyone who ever knocks another persons dreams..end of rant

Person: So how much money have you made writing so far?
Me: Five dollars.
Person: Well that won't pay any bills.
Me: That's why I'm still working at Wal-Mart.

Simon Woodhouse said:

When I say I write a bit, people show some interest. When I say I write sci-fi, their faces usually drop and I get 'what, like Star Wars?' At this point I steer the conversation in another direction.

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I WISH I wrote Star Wars. Give me 10% of that and I'll just move to a tropical island and email the rest of my works to the publisher of my choice.

When I say I write grants:

Weird folks say: "Hey, can you teach me to write a grant so I can get a ton of $ to... film a cross country tattoo roller rink indi epic / open a bacon wrapped food business /pay for a funeral."

And every other crazy dream you can think of. Sometimes the crazy folks even offer me a generous $30 bucks if I'll write it for them.

When I told my aunt I scored my first glossy article:

Aunt: Are you sure they aren't running some sort of undercover magazine scam to get free writing?
Me: I have a contract.
Aunt: For actual money.
Me: Yes (but thinking "no I'm getting paid in magic beans")
Aunt: Maybe if you make them pay you first they can't scam you!

The laughing in my head won't stop long enough for me to answer.

WackAMole said:

He's a black and white guy who never appreciated my focus on drawing, painting and art in high school...it never pays the bills you know! (pffft) I believed a lot of that crap in high school, but now as an adult, I only share my writing with people who ask about it and offer nothing to my dad until the day I can present him with a shining new copy of my first published novel. Even then, I'm sure he will have something to say about it.

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Are we siblings?

Delarege said:

Are we siblings?

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Hehe maybe so. I think this is a common problem writers run into which is why we all end up as writing forum addicts

"Wow, a writer! That must be so much fun!"

Give 'em a break. Not everybody asks questions for a living.

Maybe I'm feeling overly charitable today or something (must be the weather; it's sunny and warm here but everyone I dislike is freezing their tushes off somewhere else), but most of these strike me as "clueless" rather than stupid. Some are even "clueless but well-meaning".

Every profession has quirks that outsiders aren't aware of, and there are some definite misconceptions about writing and writers out there with the general public. It's a fact that just about anyone who has the basics can technically "write", and I think that confuses people into thinking anyone can write well. Not to mention the general perception that writers get paid as much as movie stars while simultaneously being starving artists. And we smoke, drink, and do drugs. And ride motorcycles. And think deep thoughts.

Of course, I'm too chicken to tell my parents I'm doing this, so they've simply been wondering for the last year why I just sort of never got another job after the last one fell through. I wonder what they think I do all day?

Ohhh, good topic for a thread! My favorite is when my mom asks me, "You're still working on that article?" like I can whip it out in 30 minutes or something!

We writers have a hard life, huh?

soloset said:

Of course, I'm too chicken to tell my parents I'm doing this, so they've simply been wondering for the last year why I just sort of never got another job after the last one fell through. I wonder what they think I do all day?

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But, but but...writing isn't a job.


I know people that think it doesn't matter how much money you have or make. If you aren't in the work force you're a bum.

All these incidents are so funny!

I have another one...

Her: So do you write novels?
Me: No, my work is mostly non-fiction.
Her: Okay... and what's the difference?