The one and only benifit to having a child with cancer (or any life threatning disease for that matter) is you have time to plan a funeral. As soon as your child is diagnosed your mind begins to run through songs, colours, cremation or burrial, flowers, the type of casket you would like your child to have.
We lived with Alison and Jas at Ronald McDonald Hourse for 9 months together while Blake was having treatment. I loved Jas as my own daughter. I had a soft spot for her, and she will forever have a place in my heart to call her own.
Her face is burned into my retinas and everytime I close my eyes I see her beautiful face and hear her voice. I hear conversations we had playing out over and over again in my head. I hope and prey I never forget the sound of her voice. I hear her telling me all about her littlest pet shop animals, or her pet rats and snakes. Or her newest fish. She carried stuffed animals with her where ever she went, they all had names and she'd give them back stories about their lives before they came to live with her in their forever home. I hadnt seen her in a few months, but I always asked for her when I spoke to Al. It's only been a day but I miss her. I dont want it to be real.
The funeral is on Wednesday.