I was reading this thread a few days ago, and based on Sherry's claims I decided to put her agency (once more) to the test. This has been done many times before, but who knows, perhaps she was telling the truth (yeah, right!).
So I sent this utter nonsense to her:
Title of Work: Honey Patter and the Goblet of Water
Synopsis: A young boy discovers he possesses magical powers, and he must
fight evil forces to realise his true destiny.
NYP-Work Been Edited: No.
NYP-Bio: Aspiring screenwriter for several years. I have only just purchased
a copy of Final Draft, which I believe wil make my screenplays even better.
Today I got this utter nonsense back. BTW, it landed in my spam folder. My emphasis.
Thank you for your query to the Screenplay Literary Agency. Based on your
query form information we would like to see your work and learn a little bit
more about your goals and your work.
1) Would you please send us an electronic copy
of your screenplay for further evaluation?
Err, No. I don't actually have any screenplays that are a blatant and nonsensical rip- off of the Harry Potter franchise.
Please email your manuscript to
[email protected] .
(We accept Final Draft, Movie Magic, Screenwiter, and pdf, doc, and
rtf)
You accept anything.
2) Would you please answer these 2 questions
in the body of the SAME email? (Just copy and paste
the questions).
A. How long have you been writing, and
what are your goals as a writer?
To avoid scamsters like you.
B. Do you consider your writing 'ready-to-go',
or do you think it needs some polishing.
Again, no to the first question. It was a complete load of bollocks. To the second question; it needs reading, is what it needs, mate. And if you had read it, you too would have realised it was bollocks. Oh but wait, I forgot, it's my money you're really after. Sorry, my mistake, carry on.
SNIP - scam nonsense
Please see the
FAQs below.
We believe we are very different than other agencies.
Yeah, too right.
==========================================================
We believe that we are unique in that we are willing to develop an author
and their talent. We like the metaphor of a business incubator as a
description of how we will take time to bring an author's work to the proper
quality level, even if it takes months to do so. We take pride in the fact
that we answer every email personally within 2-3 days.
And this personal response lands in one's spam folder.
Also, you may understand how a Literary Agency works, but many authors
don't, so please excuse me while I take a minute and let you know how the
process works. As your Literary Agent, our mission is to assist you in
finding a buyer for your work and to coach you along the way in various
options available to you. We don't edit your work, our mission is to sell
for you. As for compensation, get paid on success only, meaning we only get
paid if you get paid. Typically we will receive 10% of what you receive if
we are successful.
I have an agent. She takes 15%. We both do all right out of the arrangement. After all, 85% of something is a whole lot better than 90% of hee-haw, not to mention the 'service' (sorry, fees - see below) charges old Sherry would soon be tagging on. Real agents don't charge clients a penny, Sherry.
We do not charge fees, so our compensation is based on success only. Along
the way, we may suggest that you improve the quality of your work and or how
it is presented. Once your work is deemed 'presentable', then we'll start
shopping it to buyers. We never promise a sale, but we can tell you that we
have a model that works.
You never promise a sale because, quite frankly, you never make any sales. Nor do you intend to.
We look forward to receiving your materials.
In your dreams
Sherry Fine - V.P. Acquisitions
Frequently Asked Questions: (I've again deleted most of this garbage)
Q) Why is there no phone number? I want to talk to someone...
A) Quite frankly, we are deluged with submissions. It is our policy to
provide a contact number later in the process, assuming we would like to
proceed with you.
Real answer: because we're little more than an automated scam.
Q) How do I know you are for real?
A) All we ask is that you judge us on the professionalism of our
interactions together. We will never ask you for money, so that's one way to
judge for yourself. Our commitment to you is that we believe that we should
get paid only if we sell your work. Your commitment to us is that you will
do what it takes to make sure your manuscript is the best it can be and that
it meets or exceeds industry quality standards.
I have judged you on the professionalism of our interactions together. You failed miserably.
Q) What if you find errors or problems with my screenplay? Should I spend
time revising now, or later?
A) We receive very few 'ready-to-go' screenplays. We believe we are unique
in that we are willing to work with our authors along the way. Most that we
receive need some level of polishing before we can submit them to buyers.
Some need very little polishing. Some need a lot. Over the years, we've
learned that it is worth our time and effort to do what it takes to develop
new talent. We've learned that incubating new talent makes good business
sense.
For 'good business sense' read 'good financial sense'. For 'incubating' read 'fleecing'.
Q) Is this an automated email? Is there a real person out there?
A) Yes, and yes, and yes... We personally review each query form to
determine whether the story idea/synopsis sounds interesting. This tells us
which screenplays we would like to receive.
So you really would like to receive my nonsensical 'Honey Patter and the Goblet of Water'? Sorry, my apologies. I've completely misjudged you.
Best regards,
Sherry Fine - VP of Acquisitions
We Grow Talent
You GROW more and more disreputable as each day goes by.
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