Yeah, it was real high-level transphobia. They didn't win, though. Of the 200 people in my class, nobody treated me any different - apart from two girls. One came up to me and said "Are you going to make a complaint about that or what?" and the other was all overexcited about meeting an actual real living, breathing transsexual. Asked me loads of questions ranging from "What made you do it?" to "Who renamed you?" Never had the "Have you had the operation?" question, despite it allegedly being popular.
I did make a complaint to the head of department. Her response: "Get a sense of humour." You know, like, because we're all oversensitive and stuff. I had a choice: take it to the Dean, or drop it. I had evidence, witnesses, and about 5 or 6 major supporters in my class. But then I realised having 80% of the faculty reprimanded would pretty much end my academic career (and I was being graded fairly so I kept quiet).
Those idiots didn't even come closer to my school counsellor. She delivered the gold medal lines: "I've met boys who think they like other boys, but I've never met boys who think they're girls." and "Some people want to live in a society where people like you don't exist." I don't think anyone will ever top that, especially when talking to a 16-year-old. I regret not reporting her, especially because the teachers in my school were amazing. I just hope she's still not there, infesting other students with her bigotry. It turned into a bit of a game towards the end, because she was sure she'd make me detransition. She was really angry when, on the final day, I told her I was continuing.
Anyway, no idea why I'm rattling on about this. They're a small minority who deserve to be ignored.
Cate, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I'm not really sure about family, because mine weren't really like that. I do know homophobia and transphobia come from different people. I know homophobes who had no issue with me, and transphobes who have no issue with gay people. The thing is, transphobia tends to stem from the media, and a few bad apples who the newspapers love to report on. When people actually meet a transperson, they tend to realise pretty quickly it's a non-issue. It doesn't help that post-transition, most people go stealth, meaning these people interact with transsexuals without knowing it, and have no idea. (A guy once told me that he always checks for an Adam's apple before sleeping with someone. He was horrifed when I told him they're removed in a 20-minute simple procedure.)
I guess you have to ask yourself: why are they like this? Is it religion, are they intimidated, or are they just not nice people? The first two are sometimes easier to convince. Are they homophobic through ignorance, which would be corrected by meeting someone who can set a good example? Are they the type who would prefer to cut off a family member? Will they be embarrassed to find out their comments have hurt you? I know I've changed people's attitudes. A lot of people I went to school with are probably more aware as a result of me. Hell, I even managed to get a kiss out of an openly homophobic guy when I was 16.
I kinda think the majority of problems occur further into transition. A lot of people, mainly guys, dislike the concept that someone can be born a man, change sex, and look so damn good as a woman. It makes them question the fragility of gender (which is a key foundation of society) and subsequently their own sexuality. Most of my guy friends have a "Don't remind me your trans. I don't want to know" attitude. If they're reminded of it, they get really embarrassed and sometimes hostile.
May be worth testing the water, somehow? Send out a few probes, see what you get back. Because if there's one thing I'm sure of it, it's that you'll kick yourself if you put it off, only to find out you could've done it sooner. If not, your backup plan idea sounds pretty good. And hey, if your mum's fine with it, the control freakness might be useful. Always good to have someone on your case.
When you say your friends didn't mention it, is it because they didn't want to talk about it, or because they were actually okay with it? I found people rarely wanted to talk about it, because it wasn't their business.
But yeah, I have no idea if this is helpful or rambling. Probably rambling.
Yeah it's pretty common, Mara. Mine hit me as I was at university, nicely coinciding with the lecturers' vendetta against me. Can't say it helped. Probably lasted about three months or so. The insecurity was awful, but it goes. I like to think I'm a pretty confident person now.
Oh, and Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars. Hopefully this'll be a good thing. ABC are getting their fair share of backlash right now, many of them going on about how "homosexuality is not something I want flaunted in my family's faces" (because they don't know the difference) while completely ignorant about Bruno, who's been there considerably longer.