Writing Rough Sex

Melanii · Aug 29, 2014

I'm not even sure this is the right place since my book is not erotica, but it will MOST likely have some form of sex scene (I don't know how to close the door in the reader's face, 'nor would I want to). I can't search using Google because I blocked it off for 24 hours to write.

Anyhoo.

In my fantasy WIP the main couple (m/f if it's important) have this... relationship where they get on each other's nerves, they argue a lot, they're both tough, stubborn, etc. It's not the most romantic, sappy relationship ever, but whatever.

Both of them are rather inexperienced at sex (I have thought of changing that for one of them, but I'm not sure who or how yet), and their relationship will lead that way. I can see the future.

As the topic says, I picture them not being tender when they get intimate like that. They don't like hate each other, either. It's like, "I care about you, and I like/love you, but I'm not like going to soften up for you". Think of angry sex between couples, or possible make-up sex. Plus the MC (the female) would rather not be treated like a lady (like gentle, and stuff).

Too much info. I'm wondering how someone would write such scenes. Each time I read a sex scene in a book, or in an erotica, I don't see any examples. It doesn't have to be totally explicit, but it doesn't have to be super clean either.

Any ideas? Thanks. ^^

oceansoul · Aug 29, 2014

I wouldn't use a model from other erotica, personally. Just write what you imagine.

Or you could do field research

Melanii · Aug 30, 2014

oceansoul said:
I wouldn't use a model from other erotica, personally. Just write what you imagine.

Or you could do field research

Probably not other erotica, but maybe authors in erotica might know SOMETHING.

Field research? O_O

sportourer1 · Aug 30, 2014

Just use your imagination (or experience!) but the writing must be controlled or as with fight scenes and chases it will all get a bit disjointed and hard to follow

Anna_Hedley · Aug 30, 2014

Try reading some consensual BDSM stuff if you're looking for some examples of how other authors write rough sex or sexual activities? What, in particular, are you having problems with writing in this scene?

In practise, it shouldn't be any different to writing, for example, a fight scene or a gentle sex scene.

Melanii · Aug 30, 2014

Anna_Hedley said:
What, in particular, are you having problems with writing in this scene?

Mainly like not having it be uber cheesy sounding, or stupid. Like... He pushed her against a wall, holding her in place by gripping the top of her arms. Raising her face to meet his, he kissed her on the lips, moving one of his hands to hold the back of her head, keeping her from moving away.

That sounds so dumb and cliche. XD I've been trying to build tension between them (I hope it's working lols), and with him not being good at showing his emotions and with a short temper, and her not wanting to be treated lady-like and a bit spunky...

I dunno. D:

Anna_Hedley · Aug 30, 2014

That doesn't sound too bad to me, for what it's worth. Neither cheesy nor cliche. But the trick with sex scenes is to concentrate on the emotions and reactions of both characters, as you would if two characters were having a conversation.

CharleeBeck · Aug 30, 2014

Make it playful. Some lip-biting, some butt-slapping. If the relationship between your two characters is ANYTHING but totally open, on-the-table, and expressed consent has been given to engage in this type of activity, do not go with the whole "pushing against the wall" sudden-ness (unless you are totally prepared to acknowledge within your narrative that it is NEVER acceptable to initiate ANY sort of physical contact without consent). However, you can build up to it by having characters make sexual remarks at each other, either snappily or in jest, and then have one character be like "ok, yeah, lets" and have the other, surprised, agree. Unless you are specifically writing hardcore/non-con (in which there is an implied separation between the morals of both writer and author and the morals/actions of the characters) make sure that explicit consent is given before anything gets too "rough". Even a hesitation and a nod works, it doesnt take more than four or five words and goes a long way in promoting safety.

Also, I feel like having both characters be inexperienced is a cute twist.

snowpea · Aug 30, 2014

Miss Strawberrii said:
Mainly like not having it be uber cheesy sounding, or stupid. Like... He pushed her against a wall, holding her in place by gripping the top of her arms. Raising her face to meet his, he kissed her on the lips, moving one of his hands to hold the back of her head, keeping her from moving away.

That sounds so dumb and cliche. XD I've been trying to build tension between them (I hope it's working lols), and with him not being good at showing his emotions and with a short temper, and her not wanting to be treated lady-like and a bit spunky...

I dunno. D:

No that's good! The thing about writing sex scene or erotica is if you've never done it, or rarely done it, you are going to think EVERYTHING is cheesy. Don't limit yourself though, you have to start somewhere.

Although I've never written erotica per se, I've written sex scenes, and it was embarrassing for me at first, but I learned to do it pretty well and it's not a problem for me anymore.

Aggy B. · Aug 30, 2014

Writing sex scenes of any color is just like writing any other type of scene - it will be awkward at first, but with practice you'll figure out what works.

Of course, the characters will determine a lot of the tone as well. How they interact when they aren't between the sheets will tell you a lot about how they interact during sex. If they're used to verbally sparring, that will likely come out during sex too. If they're more physical, they might wrestle a bit, fighting to see who gets to be on top. For those who are over 18, I would recommend both the second sex scene from A History of Violence and the Artemesia/Themistocles sex scene from 300: Rise of an Empire for examples of angry/rough sex. (Obviously, they are both NSFW.)

Elly_Green · Aug 30, 2014

So, I have read a number of short ebooks with similar relationship dynamics... most are mythology related since that's what I prefer, but I would be willing to share those titles with you (you can message me privately) if interested.

My suggestion is write to your imagination, but seek out some examples (literotica.com is a good source of ideas if not actual style since some of the stories are very poorly written) of similar erotica for ideas of what is mundane and what is really out-there. You can then choose to go either route or somewhere in between.

Getting suggestions is not always a bad idea, sometimes while I'm reading a book, if I really like a word choice or turn of phrase, I'll write it down in a journal. When I am struggling in my own writing, I'll flip through the journal for an idea. Works great to jump start the muse.

Melanii · Aug 30, 2014

Anna_Hedley said:
That doesn't sound too bad to me, for what it's worth. Neither cheesy nor cliche. But the trick with sex scenes is to concentrate on the emotions and reactions of both characters, as you would if two characters were having a conversation.

Thanks.

That sounds like good advice to hold on to, especially for any intimate moment between two people.

CharleeBeck said:
Make it playful. Some lip-biting, some butt-slapping.

This made me "LOL" when I first read it.

However, you can build up to it by having characters make sexual remarks at each other, either snappily or in jest, and then have one character be like "ok, yeah, lets" and have the other, surprised, agree.

Sounds useful to me. O_O Also, no worries. It will definitely be consentual.

Also, I feel like having both characters be inexperienced is a cute twist.

I can now make it awkward, AND rough! XD

snowpea said:
No that's good! The thing about writing sex scene or erotica is if you've never done it, or rarely done it, you are going to think EVERYTHING is cheesy.

Strangely, I used to write it all the time just for fun. No idea why, but I did. No matter what I always thought it was horrible, though. Hehe. :O

Aggy B. said:
How they interact when they aren't between the sheets will tell you a lot about how they interact during sex. If they're used to verbally sparring, that will likely come out during sex too. If they're more physical, they might wrestle a bit, fighting to see who gets to be on top.

This is good advice for me, actually. It even gives me some ideas. o.o

Elly_Green said:
So, I have read a number of short ebooks with similar relationship dynamics... most are mythology related since that's what I prefer, but I would be willing to share those titles with you (you can message me privately) if interested.

Your signature mentions Greek Mythology, and I LOVE Greek Mythology. I might take you up on that offer. XD

My suggestion is write to your imagination, but seek out some examples (literotica.com is a good source of ideas if not actual style since some of the stories are very poorly written) of similar erotica for ideas of what is mundane and what is really out-there.

Thanks for this site, I'll check it out.

Channy · Aug 30, 2014

Just going off how you've described your characters, it sounds like they're both very alpha and if it escalated into a sexual relationship, they'd both want to be on top.

Maybe he's the one to make the first move. He kisses her and she lets it linger for a second too long but then she pushes him away, angry, asking what the hell he's doing. He makes some sort of blasé statement that all all the other girls he kissed liked it (is he inexperienced in love? could he be a playboy?) Maybe her fire just spurns him on and he tells her to just act like a girl for once. She starts to overanalyze that statement and refuses to melt into his arms like a typical damsel in distress... She pushes him against the wall and they kiss for a few moments, fighting for control but losing to the passion... he throws her against the bed and crawls on top of her, teasing that she wouldn't be able to throw off/out-strength a man... somehow she does, maybe even goes a bit far and elbows him in the gut, something to get him onto his side and she straddles him, pinning his arms above his head. (Usually this is a sexy dramatic moment when the man does it in erotica) but if she pulls it off against him makes him realize just how much of an alpha he's dealing with, and it turns him on even more..

Y'know, that sort of stuff.

Viridian · Aug 30, 2014

Anna_Hedley said:
But the trick with sex scenes is to concentrate on the emotions and reactions of both characters, as you would if two characters were having a conversation.

I've heard this a thousand times, and for a long time I disagreed with it. Focusing on emotions sounded boring.

Now I get it, though. People react differently to different things. The unique way these two characters interact is what (1) makes it personal to the reader, and (2) makes it unique and interesting instead of a paint-by numbers scene.

I've found that I tend to go through several versions of a sex scene before I get a good handle on what each character wants and how they're going to express that. Don't be afraid to take your time and revise, revise, revise.

Also, I personally don't feel consent has to be verbal. If two adults have a non-abusive relationship and they are both actively participating in the sex scene, you don't need an on-screen discussion where they discuss what's okay and what's not.

Unless it's something unusual or dangerous, I suppose. But spanking, hair-pulling, name-calling, wrestling, ect, are things people get into without discussion. If something seems like it would make your hero/heroine unsure, have your hero/heroine ask if it's okay before proceeding.

More random remarks: tension and characterization can get you far. Don't be afraid to leave things out or hold them back; writing rough sex doesn't necessarily mean everything needs to happen at once. And yes, everything is going to feel silly until you get the hang of it, and sometimes even then.

That being said -- don't be insecure, but trust your instincts. If something feels off, set the scene aside for a while and come back to it later.

Melanii · Aug 30, 2014

Channy said:
*snip*

This is the best. I got so many ideas from reading this. Thank you. *nod nod*

ViridianChick said:
More random remarks: tension and characterization can get you far.

I knew I wanted tension (and of course characterization) as soon as I realized more about these two characters. I just hope I do a good job, lols.

Channy · Aug 30, 2014

No problem!

It can be tricky heading into that territory the first time but don't be embarrassed or afraid of it. Even if you are, don't show it. Act like you're confident and you know what you're doing. Because otherwise the readers will pick up on the insecurity, and especially if these are two very alpha characters, it won't work. Write it a few times.. re-write it in many different ways until it feels good.

rachelkramerbussel · Sep 1, 2014

maybe alternating POVs?

I'm not sure who's POV you're using, but this could be a great place for alternating POVs. Maybe he tries one thing, sees how she reacts, then the reader gets inside her head and discovers that she really loves how he did X and wants him to amp it up and do Y, and somehow conveys that either in words or with her body. I've written a face slapping erotica short story and that's what I did to make it clear that both parties were into it, for different but complementary reasons.

Elly_Green · Sep 1, 2014

rachelkramerbussel said:
I'm not sure who's POV you're using, but this could be a great place for alternating POVs. Maybe he tries one thing, sees how she reacts, then the reader gets inside her head and discovers that she really loves how he did X and wants him to amp it up and do Y, and somehow conveys that either in words or with her body. I've written a face slapping erotica short story and that's what I did to make it clear that both parties were into it, for different but complementary reasons.

I am going to have to disagree here. I find writing from one perspective far easier than alternating perspectives. Especially during sex scenes. No one, ever, knows what or how the other person is feeling during the act and, honestly, for me, I don't want to. I'm afraid trying to write both perspectives will inadvertently sound less sincere on one side. But, this is just my opinion.

SentaHolland · Sep 2, 2014

I strongly support the field research idea. Write what you know asf...
But what you seem to be saying is that the 'sex scene' is a continuation of the relationship by other means, in other words a communication through the body. With some talking as well maybe? I'm sure if you follow the relationship dynamic and the conflicts, the sexual encounter will express that and perhaps even resolve some of it quite naturally. plus of course your extensive field research..

Melanii · Oct 3, 2014

Ohai guys!

It appears that I'm about at this scene...

Given that it's Friday, I may not even get to it until Monday, but wish me luck! I think. XD

robjvargas · Oct 3, 2014

Anna_Hedley said:
That doesn't sound too bad to me, for what it's worth. Neither cheesy nor cliche. But the trick with sex scenes is to concentrate on the emotions and reactions of both characters, as you would if two characters were having a conversation.

This, to me. +1

I think you're getting hung up on the mechanics when (since you say you're not writing erotica), the feelings can hold the day for you. You have other options than blow-by-blow or close-the-door.

Melanii · Oct 3, 2014

True... Though I've never been known to tone down my sex scenes... >>

robjvargas · Oct 3, 2014

Is it toned down, though? Or is it merely a different camera angle, so to speak?

John growled with primal energy, grabbing Dana by the hair and smashing their lips together. Her fists beat against his chest twice before snatching hold of his shirt and sending buttons chattering to the floor...

I'm with Viridian Chick that consent isn't a real factor in this. This is a fiery relationship. You've established that. As long as the characters themselves know it, there's no need to "guard" the consent. It might even be fun to have him back off, she goes, "What the hell are you doing?" When he hesitates, she goes, "Fuck it." And then the shirt buttons fly.

Melanii · Oct 3, 2014

You'd know what goes where and how she moans and how he likes it, etc.

Not like, "they pulled close to each other..."

Then NEXT CHAPTER. XD

Writing Rough Sex

Talking Fruit

Talking Fruit

Fuelled by tea and crumpets.

Talking Fruit

Fuelled by tea and crumpets.

Not as sweet as you think

Daydreamer or Living Nightmare

Talking Fruit

Me Gusta

local good boy

Talking Fruit

Me Gusta

Daydreamer or Living Nightmare

'Out of the Shadows' HarperCollins

Talking Fruit

Talking Fruit

Talking Fruit