Here are the first three sentences of my story:
Rose glanced up from her order pad as she heard the chime ring as the door opened. She froze as she recognized the man who had entered from her long but not so distant past.
“Rose, is everything alright?” one of her regular customers asked drawing her attention back to the present.
First, though there are some issues, the premise in these three lines has me intrigued just enough to read more. I want to know what the deal is with mystery man. Good vibes, bad vibes, romance, girl on the run?
Several others have already pointed out the "as" issue and the awkward "Long but not..." construction. Ditto here. Moving on:
What does she recognize about the man entering? Is it something simple as a physical characteristic, or is it something in the way he moves, commands attention with his harsh stare, his clipped steps. Does she see him clearly enough or what time of day is it? If he's silhoutted against the sun, perhaps the way he cocks a hand at his hip makes her break her pencil on her pad rather than merely freeze. Or his eyes that see the crack in her heart make her want to rabbit out the back, her tips on the nearby table be damned. Give us a little hint into that past. Go after that reaction in the subtle hitch of breath, a sudden nervous tug at her hair, her toes curling hard with the urge to pivot and run, one quick hard thump of her heart...