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- Dec 21, 2005
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First three lines of my YA dystopian WIP. I know it's not much, but it's the first three haha. I can always post more if anyone wants me to.
“Do you see this?” I said picking a flower and handing it to Ava. “It's called a violet,” I smiled at her.
First thing that strikes me is the complete lack of conflict or any hint of a problem or hook, or anything that would make me want to read further.
Second thing is the awkward flow of dialogue and tagging. Try something like this:
“Do you see this?” I said, handing the tiny purple blossom to Ava. “It's called a violet.”