Swearing in MG?/SALLY has a steamboat!

MsJudy

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2007
Messages
5,673
Reaction score
1,440
Location
california
well, my kinders thought my student teacher was doing her unit on "transpornation," but I guess that's sort of off-topic...
 

SheilaJG

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
1,635
Reaction score
560
Location
Northern California
Okay, I know this steamboat subject has sailed, so to speak, but I was feeling bad for Smish, since she was the only one to remember Sally. So, I did a little research, and unearthed this old ditty that tells the true tale about the ownership of the steamboat. I hope this doesn't get me kicked out of the kid's section. :)

Miss Susie vs. Sally - The Cagematch (or, Who Really Owns That Boat)


Miss Susie had a steamboat
With railings made of brass
When Sally tried to steal it
Suze kicked her in the

Asking: “What’s your problem?
You want a taste of oar?
Sally, you’re deluded
You thieving little . . . “

Horses at the dock now
Sal’s hubby at the hitch
“Miss Susie, you are dead meat
My God, you're such a –

“Betcha didn’t know this,”
The oar now makes a swoosh
“Your husband sold the boat to me.
He’s really quite a-“

Do shellfish make good weapons?
Miss Suzie must admit
An oyster can sting plenty
When it hits you in the-

Titillating fight scene
Greets hubby at the dock
“Man, you girls are sexy.”
Sal kicks him in the-

Cockapoo barks loudly
Hubby screams and falls
Suzie looks at Sally
“You kicked him in the-”

Balsa wood is soft and light
Not really good to hit
Sally throws the boomerang
“Perverted piece of . . . “

Shih-tzus join in barking
Hubby’s looking plastered
“I should have left him years ago
The guy is such a . . .

Jerk.”
 

Smish

Reads more than she writes.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
8,636
Reaction score
3,087
Location
in the Bouncy Castle
:roll:

Freaking funniest thing ever, Sheila. And I love the use of Shih-tzus. :ROFL:

And I love the dialogue here:

Asking: “What’s your problem?
You want a taste of oar?
Sally, you’re deluded
You thieving little . . . “

Great writing, that is. :roll:
 

SheilaJG

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
1,635
Reaction score
560
Location
Northern California
I'm glad you guys liked it. I was going to use that for my April prompt, but I couldn't figure out how to get an umbrella and rain in there. Poetry is hard. Well, I wouldn't exactly call that poetry. Rhyming with swear words is hard.
 

Morrell

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Messages
1,276
Reaction score
238
Location
Close to the Edge
Hysterical!!!
rollinglaugh.gif
 

MsJudy

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2007
Messages
5,673
Reaction score
1,440
Location
california
Rhyming with swear words is the best kind of poetry there is.
 

Ferret

Dook!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 8, 2010
Messages
733
Reaction score
98
That's the funniest thing I've read in a while. Thanks!
 

Bookmama

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 24, 2010
Messages
110
Reaction score
5
Going back to original post (ignoring Sally subplot). I LOVE your dog profanity. I think since you have all the ones that can't be objected to, then if an agent or editor doesn't like that one, they can have you take it out, but they will see that you have a way of cursing in canine that is PG rated.

Wonderful humor

Lumbering Labradors, I wish I had thought of it myself
 

sissybaby

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
2,699
Reaction score
626
Location
somewhere, out there
What an enjoyable thread. Glad I read through the whole thing.

I love the shih-tzu line. Don't throw it out just yet. And Sheila's poem was hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

Sort of off-topic - totally - but when my younger daughter was little I showed my dogs, which were Dals. Whenever anyone came to the house, she would introduce them to her damnation dogs. It took her several months of practice before she learned to say dalmatian.
 

Morrell

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Messages
1,276
Reaction score
238
Location
Close to the Edge
Me too. I think "Damnation dogs!" is going to be my new favorite way of pseudo-swearing.
 

MsJudy

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2007
Messages
5,673
Reaction score
1,440
Location
california
My dog may look like a weird terrier mix, but she's pure Damnation dog.
 

Butterbean

This boy just ain't right
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
436
Reaction score
133
Location
Robstown,Texas..Birthplace of Texas hold 'em
Website
www.storiesfrommikeysworld.com
Miss Susie vs. Sally - The Cagematch (or, Who Really Owns That Boat)


Miss Susie had a steamboat
With railings made of brass
When Sally tried to steal it
Suze kicked her in the

Asking: “What’s your problem?
You want a taste of oar?
Sally, you’re deluded
You thieving little . . . “

Horses at the dock now
Sal’s hubby at the hitch
“Miss Susie, you are dead meat
My God, you're such a –

“Betcha didn’t know this,”
The oar now makes a swoosh
“Your husband sold the boat to me.
He’s really quite a-“

Do shellfish make good weapons?
Miss Suzie must admit
An oyster can sting plenty
When it hits you in the-

Titillating fight scene
Greets hubby at the dock
“Man, you girls are sexy.”
Sal kicks him in the-

Cockapoo barks loudly
Hubby screams and falls
Suzie looks at Sally
“You kicked him in the-”

Balsa wood is soft and light
Not really good to hit
Sally throws the boomerang
“Perverted piece of . . . “

Shih-tzus join in barking
Hubby’s looking plastered
“I should have left him years ago
The guy is such a . . .

Jerk.”

Sheila, I just love this!
 

jtrylch13

Has semi-colon; will use it!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 17, 2010
Messages
3,169
Reaction score
353
Location
Michigan
Oh, Sheila, I loved the poem! Best rendition of Sally/Suzie ever!
 

Librarykelly

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 18, 2011
Messages
74
Reaction score
6
Location
Southeast Missouri
It's taken me awhile to get to this but...
Totally keep the Shih-tzu thing. Hilarious!
When You Reach Me- Ten different colors of awesome.
I remember many MG booms having like, one swear word in them. Made them my favs as a kid.
It was Miss Susie is southeast Missouri that had a tugboat. It was also Miss Suzie that had a baby she named Tiny Tim.
Just sayin...
 

sissybaby

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
2,699
Reaction score
626
Location
somewhere, out there
I think we called her Miss Suzie, too.

But who was the miss who had to piiiiick some flowers?
And stepped in grass up to her aaaankle bones.
Which broke her heart, so she let a farrrrrmer take her home?

I can't remember it all.

My favorite was the two dead soldiers who had the sword/pistol fight. They didn't have names, either.
 

Ferret

Dook!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 8, 2010
Messages
733
Reaction score
98
My favorite was the two dead soldiers who had the sword/pistol fight. They didn't have names, either.


Dead soldiers? I could swear the version I learned growing up had two dead boys, not two dead soldiers.

Oh no. Here we go again.:D
 

sissybaby

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
2,699
Reaction score
626
Location
somewhere, out there
Ferret - are you remembering "One bright day in the middle of the night two dead soldiers/boys rose to fight?"
 

Ferret

Dook!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 8, 2010
Messages
733
Reaction score
98
Ferret - are you remembering "One bright day in the middle of the night two dead soldiers/boys rose to fight?"

"Face to face, back to back, they pulled out their swords and shot each other."

Yep, that's the one. I remember it with boys, not soldiers, but I think there are a lot of variations out there.
 

Smish

Reads more than she writes.
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
8,636
Reaction score
3,087
Location
in the Bouncy Castle
I'm not familiar with that one at all.

Which is good, since I'd probably sing different lyrics than everyone else, and you'd all join forces against me. :e2cry:
 

Gothic Vampire Queen

Dracula's Gothic Bride
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 6, 2011
Messages
99
Reaction score
4
Location
Los Angeles, CA
Similar to Emilie Autumn's "Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches"

Miss Lucy had some leeches
Her leeches liked to suck
And when they drank up all her blood
She didn’t give a
Funny when the doctors
Had locked her in her cell
Miss Lucy screamed all night that they
Should go to bloody
Hello to the surgeon
With scalpel old and blunt
He’ll tie you to the table
Then he’ll mutilate your
Come it’s nearly teatime
The lunatics arrive
The keepers bleed them all until
There’s no one left a
Lively little rodents
Are eaten up by cats
We’re subject to experiments
Like laboratory
Rats I’ve dropped a teacup
How easily they break
I’m on my hands and knees until
I pay for my mis-
Take off all your clothing
We’ve only just begun
We have no anesthesia
It’s eighteen forty
One thing we should tell you
Before you try again
The tests are invented by
A lot of filthy
Mentally hysteric
She’s failed the exam
Don’t bother telling Lucy for
She doesn’t give a
Damn that’s nitrous oxide
For when you can’t escape
They say the surgeons oft commit
A murder or a
Razor-blades are rusty
And not a lot of fun
So when they try to amputate
Your legs you’d better
Run and fetch the chemist
A patient’s feeling sad
She’s been in chains for ages
And she isn’t even
Madness is a nuisance
And no one is immune
Your sister, mum or daughter
May become a raving
Lunatics are dangerous
And doctors are obeyed
They also go together just
Like toast and marma-
Ladies are like children
With brains the size of squirrels
Let’s give a clitoridectomies
To all the little
Girls are helpless treasures
That daddies must protect
So lie upon the table
For the doctors to in-
speculums are super
And stirrups all the rage
So spread a lady’s legs and then put her
Back in to her
Cage of naked crazies
The surgeon’s here to bleed
The doctors are all learned men
And some can even
Reading can be risky
For women on the verge
It only did us worlds of good
To poison, leech and
Purging is a penance
Phlebotomy’s a chore
No need to sterilize the tools
We never did be-
Fore the night is over
Before you go to bed
They’ll take a hammer and nail
And jam it in your
Headstones in the courtyard
And statues in the park
Are not for the insane
Just leave them rotting in the
D A R K
dark