Mama Jude's Pep Talk

onesecondglance

pretending to be awake
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 2, 2012
Messages
5,359
Reaction score
1,661
Location
Berkshire, UK
Website
soundcloud.com
The Impossibility Of This Book Failing To Win A Major Award by AN Author.

"If you put a gun to my head and told me to choose just one book to read this year, it would be this one. By the way, there really is a gun to my head."
"You buy now or da boyz come visit you. In hospital."
 

Namatu

Lost in mental space.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 12, 2006
Messages
4,489
Reaction score
967
Location
Someplace else.
I did mention I'd write my own query, correct? So no need for your own prose. :D
 

Silver-Midnight

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 19, 2011
Messages
4,910
Reaction score
279
Location
rising from the depths of a cup of coffee
Silver, try the music. I rarely write in silence. Having music in the background helps keep me less distracted, though there's always a transition time from bouncing around on the Internet to getting down to serious writing time.

General pep talk: It is fine to admire other writers' work. It's fine to try different things and use aspects of ideas you find elsewhere. We come across these little nuggets and they germinate inside us and they become altered, some more subtly than others, from what they were when we found them. The difference is in context, execution, perception, any of a myriad different ways. That's the thing about writing. Nobody can tell the story you have in you the way you would tell it.

Others might tell a similar story. They'll tell it differently. You might think they do something or other with it particularly well, better than you. But they're not telling your story. They're not telling it your way.

We're all going to suck sometimes. We're going to fail because that's how we learn. I think that's especially true for writing. We get better by doing. We get better - we grow - by trying.

You're awesome. Keep at it!

Thanks, Namtu, :D

I just can't figure out how to write. I mean I know how. I mean just sit and write. I just...I don't know. I just can't.
 
Last edited:

onuilmar

(w)ride like the wind
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 11, 2011
Messages
928
Reaction score
137
Location
deep in rural Western NY
Hi hj:

Am feeling a bit despondent. I have become discouraged with the WIP. I have written 110,000 words (that's not a typo) thus far.

I was hoping to be finished, but find I am probably only 3/4 of the way through. I realize I have written waayyy too many words, but this is really just a very detailed and extended outline. I am finding out what happens as I write. (I do know where the book ends, just not exactly how it gets there.) After the first draft I had hoped to substantially revise and rewrite. I find revision easier that creating.

At any rate, I have come to a screeching halt. I live in the middle of no where and am really beginning to feel the lack of writerly companionship. (Some of this is probably my social ineptness.)

I am also trolling for a beta reader (I have not been lucky with those, so far). And posted on the aw meet and greet board.

But what I guess really discouraged me was not doing so well in ss contests I have been entering and competing for one of the scholarships to the Backspace Conference in May (for which I now will not be ready). It is daunting to realize how much I still need to improve and how many truly good writers are out there.

This is my nth (and final) career change in life and I am just feeling discouraged. I am too old now to really contemplate any other kind of career change. And all I can say is that it's daunting (as I am sure you all know). And even if I don't make, I do intend to keep writing.

I guess I expect my son to inherit a trunk full of manuscripts that are still unpublishable.

And I'll quit here before I become too maudlin.
 

lizmonster

Possibly A Mermaid Queen
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
14,532
Reaction score
24,098
Location
Massachusetts
Website
elizabethbonesteel.com
Hi onuilmar - I am not hj, but I do understand how you're feeling. I remember when I finished the first draft of my MS, and then read it over - I realized it was like those bullet points in a PowerPoint presentation. And mine was about 119K at that point. I do outline as a first draft. I also work out character bits and past events that don't matter at all to the plot, and have to be thrown out on editing. It seems so inefficient to me.

And count me amongst the socially inept. Suggest I walk into a room full of strangers and my blood pressure creeps up, and I start looking for fire exits. I like people, once I get to know them - but getting to know them is really rough.

That's why I love the internet, and AW. :)

As for other writers...one thing sticks with me that wonderactivist said to me a few weeks back: Nobody knows your story like you do.

Nobody else could write your book. Awards? "Better" writers? The world is full of beautiful art, and the beauty of one work does not make another ugly. Heaven forbid creating should be a zero-sum game.

Nobody else on earth can write the book you are writing, and that's marvelous.

And if that's what your son inherits...what a rich legacy for him, unpublished or not. They are all a part of you.
 

onuilmar

(w)ride like the wind
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 11, 2011
Messages
928
Reaction score
137
Location
deep in rural Western NY
Thanks, Liz. And yeah, you're right about no one else writing this book.

And yes, the zero sum I'm pretty good a blocking out most of the time. It's just that world before us will only reward a few. And I find it discouraging reaching for the brass ring. Would that I could jump so accurately. (But I will NOT quit. Just stumble a bit here and there.)

As for outlining. I have tried and tried. I thought I had and used up my outline by 20K words.

What I do know is that my mind doesn't work in outlines. (Except after the fact, when it's no longer useful to me.) I figure it out by writing it. I just expect to toss 25% (or more) of it. And yeah, it's inefficient. But I'm stuck with the brain I gots.

And yeah, Wonder's great!

And so are all you guys here.

Thanks, Liz.
 

heyjude

Making my own sunshine
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 15, 2007
Messages
19,740
Reaction score
6,192
Location
Gulf coast of FL
:Hug2: onuilmar. I'm glad you posted. You're among friends, and so many of us feel or have felt exactly that way at some point.

The good news is that you are among friends. When you have the internet, it's not as important that you have neighbors. :) Or if you have neighbors who suck. :tongue

It does sound like you need a good beta. I'm not sure I could tackle a full ms right now, but do you want to send me your first three chapters? I'll do everything I can to help and maybe make some suggestions on how to cut, etc.

In the meantime, keep hanging out with us. It helps to be among those who know. :)

Also, I know a lot of our MTS friends are avid outliners and that's wonderful but outlines kill me. I just can't seem to wrap my head around them...
 

onuilmar

(w)ride like the wind
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 11, 2011
Messages
928
Reaction score
137
Location
deep in rural Western NY
Thanks, hj.

And yeah, I do like it here. The major WIP really isn't ready for the light of day and probably won't be for months.

But in the meantime, I am also participating in some short story contests and could really use some readers for that. These short story contests occur about once a month or every two months and I find that they are great for forcing me to improve.

But until I get a reaction from a reader, I have no idea how good (or bad) it is. And I am rapidly wearing out my welcome with my husband and son.

But I would really like a reader for that as well. If you're not up for that that's fine.

(Could I send you the first three chapters when I'm ready in a coupla months? This particular WIP is historical fiction, based on my grandmother. And if you're not available then, that's okay, too.)

And yeah, this thread is the greatest. I ALWAYS check in here, even if I don't post. :)

I am also always willing to return the favor. I learn as much from critting as being critted.

Just the hugs are great. That what I came here for.
 

wonderactivist

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
2,739
Reaction score
519
Location
Great Plains
Website
luciesmoker.wordpress.com
:Hug2: Onuilmar, I so sympathize with what you're feeling. Many o us have felt similar emotions at that point in the book. It's hard to believe but this us where you just really have to honestly sit down and tell yourself that you CAN wrap it up; your betas and editors will help with any loose ends. Every author has loose ends.

I can't offer to beta right now, but I can share that the best betas have been friends of friends-- people I never met. Most I found through Facebook. HJ will give you great writer feedback too.

Keeping you in my thoughts,

Lucie
 

Silver-Midnight

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 19, 2011
Messages
4,910
Reaction score
279
Location
rising from the depths of a cup of coffee
Onuilmar, trust me, a lot of us, especially me, have gone through that. In fact, I'm going through that right now. It is hard. The best advice I can give you is to keep pushing through it. It'll get better and easier. :) Trust me, one of the hardest habits, for me anyway, is finishing the things I start writing. Keep going, you've gotten this far, you can do it. And keep up the good work, and I'm sure it will pay off. :)

--


Quick question: How do you stop your stories from being the same thing over and over again? It just feels like mine are. I know the obvious answer is to change them. However, I just can't or seem to do it the right way or something. It just feels like I'm writing the exact same thing over and over. Maybe that's why I'm bored by the story that I have right now. Because it feels like I've written it before. I don't mind writing something with the same theme or general plot line or whatever. But I just feel like I'm writing the same thing over and over, even some of the same actual lines. Advice?
 

heyjude

Making my own sunshine
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 15, 2007
Messages
19,740
Reaction score
6,192
Location
Gulf coast of FL
I do that, Silver. My solution is to drop (literal or figurative) a bomb in the middle of the story that will take it in a different direction.

But yeah, it's easy to get into "write what you know." ;)
 

wonderactivist

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
2,739
Reaction score
519
Location
Great Plains
Website
luciesmoker.wordpress.com
This is slightly off-topic, but I need a pep talk on my writing. I feel completely lost today, and I know it isn't logical, but I think writing is what I need to do. Yet I feel unable to create.

Yesterday my doctor called--the specialist himself--to tell me that I have a benign brain tumor, but it is growing fast and I need either have surgery or radiation to avoid brain stem damage. The prognosis is good and it is not cancer, just a big lump that took my hearing and is causing my vertigo.

I should be thrilled to have such a good diagnosis, I should be happy that the time off work means more time to write, but I can't seem to write. I just stare at the screen. Ironically, I had just hit that groove on the new book where the story had started streaming forward, but now there's nothng at all. I only want to think/write about acoustic neuroma.
 

onesecondglance

pretending to be awake
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 2, 2012
Messages
5,359
Reaction score
1,661
Location
Berkshire, UK
Website
soundcloud.com
Trite as this may seem, I hope it might cheer you up to know that there's a copy of Distortion lying on my bedside table as we speak. :)
 

onuilmar

(w)ride like the wind
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 11, 2011
Messages
928
Reaction score
137
Location
deep in rural Western NY
Aww, Silver. Thanks. And yes, you're right.

And really, all I keep thinking is "I might not make it (meaning earn money at writing), but I DEFINITELY won't if I don't keep going."

It's a crap shoot for sure. But I decided that this is how I want to spend my declining years, no matter what.

But thanks.
 

onuilmar

(w)ride like the wind
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 11, 2011
Messages
928
Reaction score
137
Location
deep in rural Western NY
Yesterday my doctor called--the specialist himself--to tell me that I have a benign brain tumor, but it is growing fast and I need either have surgery or radiation to avoid brain stem damage.

Ahhh, Wonder. <<hugs>>

Umm. I think I would be hunched in front of the computer screen, staring off into space if I got a call like that.

This may not work for you, but I would take some time to process that. (I mean like a day or two.)

As for writing, I am definitely of the forcing myself school at this point. Treating it like a job. In newspapers, we had deadlines and it forced me to churn stuff out. And I use that to get stuff on "space"(? can't really say paper, anymore.) and hope to re-shape later. (And I come here when I'm derailed.)

Anway, just << hugs>>, Wonder.
 

lizmonster

Possibly A Mermaid Queen
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
14,532
Reaction score
24,098
Location
Massachusetts
Website
elizabethbonesteel.com
I should be thrilled to have such a good diagnosis

I'm glad the news was what it was - but you know, I think you're entitled to be freaked out by this. "Benign" is a lovely word; but this is your body, the thing that carts you around all day. Of course you're going to be thrown. Doesn't matter how good the news, or how "easy" the surgery/radiation will be. It's a huge disruption.

The writing will return, with a vengeance, when you are ready for it. In the meantime, you're not alone.
 

lizmonster

Possibly A Mermaid Queen
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
14,532
Reaction score
24,098
Location
Massachusetts
Website
elizabethbonesteel.com
As for writing, I am definitely of the forcing myself school at this point. Treating it like a job.

This is sometimes the only thing that gets me through: I said I'd do X words, so I have to do X words. Even if I know most of them (all of them sometimes!) will get tossed.

It really is like physical exercise - sometimes it seems effortless and wonderful, and sometimes it's just a huge pain to get through it. But without the painful days, I'd never have the wonderful ones.
 

heyjude

Making my own sunshine
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 15, 2007
Messages
19,740
Reaction score
6,192
Location
Gulf coast of FL
This is slightly off-topic, but I need a pep talk on my writing. I feel completely lost today, and I know it isn't logical, but I think writing is what I need to do. Yet I feel unable to create.

Yesterday my doctor called--the specialist himself--to tell me that I have a benign brain tumor, but it is growing fast and I need either have surgery or radiation to avoid brain stem damage. The prognosis is good and it is not cancer, just a big lump that took my hearing and is causing my vertigo.

I should be thrilled to have such a good diagnosis, I should be happy that the time off work means more time to write, but I can't seem to write. I just stare at the screen. Ironically, I had just hit that groove on the new book where the story had started streaming forward, but now there's nothng at all. I only want to think/write about acoustic neuroma.

Oh, wow. (((wonder))) This is not easy news, even though it's benign.

Don't force yourself to write if it's not coming. Or maybe try to write something else, something completely different, as a distraction?

Here's the best pep talk I can think of: my dad had an acoustic neuroma about twelve years ago. This was before gamma knife was readily available (in fact, we found out about it pretty much by accident) and the common surgery was open-skull. :scared: He did have the gamma knife and was out of work for a grand total of two days. I'm not saying it was all easy peasy--he still has tinnitus--but he's also had Stage 4 colon cancer and he says the neuroma was a breeze. :rolleyes:

Let me know if you want to talk about it, or if you want to talk to him--he frequently talks to people about his experiences, he's very open.

And keep coming for (((hugs))). It's a scary time. We're here.
 

Silver-Midnight

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 19, 2011
Messages
4,910
Reaction score
279
Location
rising from the depths of a cup of coffee
I do that, Silver. My solution is to drop (literal or figurative) a bomb in the middle of the story that will take it in a different direction.

But yeah, it's easy to get into "write what you know." ;)

Yeah, I am stuck in that phase right now. I might really try that new idea I was talking about or maybe looking at some writing prompts/generators I like/find. And actually stick to that this time (Hahah). Do you think that'll change it up enough? (Usually, when I would get stuck before, I'd use one of those).

This is slightly off-topic, but I need a pep talk on my writing. I feel completely lost today, and I know it isn't logical, but I think writing is what I need to do. Yet I feel unable to create.

Yesterday my doctor called--the specialist himself--to tell me that I have a benign brain tumor, but it is growing fast and I need either have surgery or radiation to avoid brain stem damage. The prognosis is good and it is not cancer, just a big lump that took my hearing and is causing my vertigo.

I should be thrilled to have such a good diagnosis, I should be happy that the time off work means more time to write, but I can't seem to write. I just stare at the screen. Ironically, I had just hit that groove on the new book where the story had started streaming forward, but now there's nothng at all. I only want to think/write about acoustic neuroma.

Oh wow. :Hug2: :Hug2: Well, I'm glad the prognosis is good. However, that still doesn't stop the shock of hearing that kind of news, in my opinion anyway. Maybe you(or your body) is still just in shock from it. Maybe this is just one of those times where you can't write. Take a walk maybe or read a book? Even listening to relaxation music/sounds might help. Just an idea.

Aww, Silver. Thanks. And yes, you're right.

And really, all I keep thinking is "I might not make it (meaning earn money at writing), but I DEFINITELY won't if I don't keep going."

It's a crap shoot for sure. But I decided that this is how I want to spend my declining years, no matter what.

But thanks.

Onu, I think everyone gets those doubts. I still have those doubts. But the main thing is write what you love, write what excites you(this right here is the problem I'm having right now), what makes you happy. So, even when you don't get published, you'll at least be partially satisfied by the work sitting in front of you. :)
 

wonderactivist

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
2,739
Reaction score
519
Location
Great Plains
Website
luciesmoker.wordpress.com
you guys are so wonderful. Thank you for all the support, and HJ, thanks for sharing your dad's experience. I ended up working on a freelance project instead of anything to do with my book. I do feel sort of bulldozed by this. And the project changed a lot. :shrug Thank you all
 

calieber

Couth barbarian
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 7, 2006
Messages
787
Reaction score
58
Location
BK.NY.US
I should be thrilled to have such a good diagnosis

"I got some news that's really shitty" and "I could have gotten rather worse news" are not mutually exclusive; the second doesn't cancel out the first. so you're allowed to not be rejoicing (that said, I'm glad it's benign).

So ... write the acoustic neuroma story. Or at least your acoustic neuroma story. Take a break from what you're working on and do that, if it's what's foremost in your mind (er, so to speak). It's a time-honored genre.
 

vagough

Traveling down the Query Road...
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 22, 2011
Messages
1,617
Reaction score
275
Location
Virginia
Website
goughpubs.wordpress.com
Best wishes to you, wonderactivist.

MJ's story is much closer and more personal, but I can tell you that a friend was diagnosed with this same tumor a long time ago before modern surgical technologies and came through fine. Surgery is never easy and is often rather scary, but I'm sure you'll be in good hands. Please do keep us all posted on how you are doing!
 

wonderactivist

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
2,739
Reaction score
519
Location
Great Plains
Website
luciesmoker.wordpress.com
"I got some news that's really shitty" and "I could have gotten rather worse news" are not mutually exclusive; the second doesn't cancel out the first. so you're allowed to not be rejoicing

What a great way to put it. I feel a little less guilty for the day I wasted now. And thanks vagoughs, everyone. I shall write medical horror:

image1.jpg