"Old" People Writing for Teens V

I love Halloween and feel sorry for you people who don't have it. What is better than going out and getting a bunch of candy? We were in new lands last year, and randomly picked a neighborhood. The kids totally scored with lots and lots of candy. Then we saw the village fire trucks trolling the neighborhood. Pretty cool!

Now we are in a house. My teen has volunteered to give out candy. The smaller kids are not hopeful for a good haul. We wandered in this neighborhood briefly last year, and the kids got raisins!

I just posted my first query in QLH. EEK! ....... maybe that was a bad idea.

We never get trick-or-treaters. The wee one will be 7-months old, and it would be fun to dress him up, but he doesn't need candy yet.

I'm writing a query... and I am lying my ass off.

Christabelle said:

I just posted my first query in QLH. EEK! ....... maybe that was a bad idea.

We never get trick-or-treaters. The wee one will be 7-months old, and it would be fun to dress him up, but he doesn't need candy yet.

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It's never a mistake to take a step forward with your writing.

Okay, I just...

I tried to write a query but it kind of looks like half of it is explaining why stuff exists. I'm not sure how to make it not sound like that, though. Because if I just say stuff with this damn story, it's not going to make any sense...

Hapax Legomenon said:

Okay, I just...

I tried to write a query but it kind of looks like half of it is explaining why stuff exists. I'm not sure how to make it not sound like that, though. Because if I just say stuff with this damn story, it's not going to make any sense...

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I'm not the best one to make suggestions since I haven't used QLH...yet. But perhaps the best thing is to post what you have and get some feedback? It's difficult to help when we don't know what you've written. Take a deep breath...and push the submit button!

Help! My brain decided it wants to do a YA Lesbian Paranormal Romance set at a girls boarding school during the Edwardian Era, and one of the potential characters is a ghost.I do not know why my brain decided to spit that out.

That's it! I'm going to be writing first chapters before outlines from now on when an idea is tugging at me. Gives me a springboard to base an outline on. *grumbles at brain*

Christabelle said:

I just posted my first query in QLH. EEK! ....... maybe that was a bad idea.

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It's not. I just critted it and if you're still looking in a bit, any interest in a beta-swap? I'd really enjoy a football YA, and I would offset the struggle of someone reading mine by returning the favor...

Liosse de Velishaf said:

It's never a mistake to take a step forward with your writing.

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That. Perfect advice.

Hapax Legomenon said:

Okay, I just...

I tried to write a query but it kind of looks like half of it is explaining why stuff exists. I'm not sure how to make it not sound like that, though. Because if I just say stuff with this damn story, it's not going to make any sense...

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Go simple.

MC wants X. X is important, and the MC has reasons. Here's the awesome thing the MC has to do to get it. If the MC doesn't get it, this is the terrible thing that happens.

Lillith1991 said:

That's it! I'm going to be writing first chapters before outlines from now on when an idea is tugging at me. Gives me a springboard to base an outline on. *grumbles at brain*

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Brains are funny little engines. If you've got enough for an outline, that's even better!

I'm editted through CH 4. That means I've crossed the half-way mark. I'm only six days late in getting there...

CoffeeBeans said:

Brains are funny little engines. If you've got enough for an outline, that's even better!

I'm editted through CH 4. That means I've crossed the half-way mark. I'm only six days late in getting there...

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Oh yea, deffinitly a funny little engine. I've had ideas for love stories before, all lesbian, but never for a straight up Romance. Ok, I lied, there is that Fantasy story that has an Orc falling in love with a human. But that's a love story and not a true Romance either, nor is it YA because my MC in that one is 20. Well, at least I know how it ends since it falls into Romance. All I need to do is figure out the specific Beginning, Climax, and HEA for it.

And goodness that makes it sound like I think Romances are easy, I don't. I even enjoy reading them. Ok, now I'm babling. I blame this on shock and a nasty cold.

*goes to take notes on Shiny New Idea*

CoffeeBeans said:

Go simple.

MC wants X. X is important, and the MC has reasons. Here's the awesome thing the MC has to do to get it. If the MC doesn't get it, this is the terrible thing that happens.

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That's kind of impossible given the way the damn story is written.

"Kid needs money. He works for shifty holy business. Boss shifty holy business dies and he's supposed to be new shifty holy business guy. Being boss means living in surreal trashland. What do?"

These are events that don't really make too much sense laid out like that. There's far too much background information required for it to make sense @_@

Hapax Legomenon said:

"Kid needs money. He works for shifty holy business. Boss shifty holy business dies and he's supposed to be new shifty holy business guy. Being boss means living in surreal trashland. What do?"

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Honestly? That's not too bad. Critting/helping on queries is a thousand times more useful starting there, instead of starting with a 500-word world building spree. I don't understand your mini summary, but I can work with it. A dense explanation of trashland just has me shrugging.

"Kid needs money (for some reason). He works for a shifty holy business (doing something cool/awesome/creeptastic) and he hates it, but it pays the bills. When shifty boss has his head chopped off, Kid's up for a promotion. One that would send him off to live in a trash heap, and ruin his life. Kid could turn down the promotion, but that would mean the head of the holy business association will sic man-eating chihuahuas on him. Kid's got to evade the trash heap, and keep the chihuahuas at bay, if he's going to live long enough to spend those wages."

Just an example, but if you have man-eating chihuahuas, it sounds like a best seller.

CoffeeBeans said:

Honestly? That's not too bad. Critting/helping on queries is a thousand times more useful starting there, instead of starting with a 500-word world building spree. I don't understand your mini summary, but I can work with it. A dense explanation of trashland just has me shrugging.

"Kid needs money (for some reason). He works for a shifty holy business (doing something cool/awesome/creeptastic) and he hates it, but it pays the bills. When shifty boss has his head chopped off, Kid's up for a promotion. One that would send him off to live in a trash heap, and ruin his life. Kid could turn down the promotion, but that would mean the head of the holy business association will sic man-eating chihuahuas on him. Kid's got to evade the trash heap, and keep the chihuahuas at bay, if he's going to live long enough to spend those wages."

Just an example, but if you have man-eating chihuahuas, it sounds like a best seller.

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You're very close actually. They're wolves instead of chihuahuas but I can change them and just call the book Beware The Chihuahuas. It'd just hop off the shelves I'm sure.

I was reading queries but I still don't know how to critique. The query is 263 words, which is still probably too many.

Hapax Legomenon said:

You're very close actually. They're wolves instead of chihuahuas but I can change them and just call the book Beware The Chihuahuas. It'd just hop off the shelves I'm sure.

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Yesssss

Hapax Legomenon said:

I was reading queries but I still don't know how to critique. The query is 263 words, which is still probably too many.

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I can crit them, but I can't write them to save my life. 250 is the rule of thumb, but I think even that is starting to look a little long. As long as you get the story in there, and it has a voice, you're in shape to tweak.

CoffeeBeans said:

I can crit them, but I can't write them to save my life. 250 is the rule of thumb, but I think even that is starting to look a little long. As long as you get the story in there, and it has a voice, you're in shape to tweak.

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I don't know if it has voice. Maybe it does and my voice is just invisible to me. I guess I can try...

UPDATE: why do I keep hurting myself so?

CoffeeBeans said:

It's not. I just critted it and if you're still looking in a bit, any interest in a beta-swap? I'd really enjoy a football YA, and I would offset the struggle of someone reading mine by returning the favor...

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A beta exchange sounds great! Let me know when you're ready. I'm fixing my ending, but hopefully it won't take me too much longer.

And thanks for the crit. I replied to everyone and gave a little plot info to see if I have any hope of getting back on track.


Liosse, you're right. It isn't a mistake. It just proves I have a lot of work left to do, which I figured was the case.

Hap - My query is about 268 (which is too long, but nobody seems to be saying that in QLH). Also, I've done some research on successful query letter length, and not just the rule of thumb, and I'm finding a range of word counts for the "hook", anywhere from 100- 280, and that's just the meat. Not the basic info like genre, word count, etc. I think it's more about the "right" words. Which is still incredibly hard, but maybe don't worry about too long yet.

Christabelle - I'm going to check out your query. I'm working on mine right now too, so I've been spending a lot of time in QLH.

Sage - So is Beggar's Night on like the last Friday in October? I've been saying for years that's how they should do it. Middle of the week is such a pain!

I've been thinking about NaNoWriMo, and I said I was going to do it, and I am, but I don't have high hopes of winning. I'm also going to be querying agents, blogging, working on writer's platform, plus Thanksgiving, Christmas planning and all the usual stuff for school, kids, life, etc. But I'm still going to try really hard and do as much as I can. I'm just afraid I'll get obsessive about it and let all the other things fall through the cracks.

I have never done NaNoWriMo before, but I'm thinking about doing it this year. I'm hoping to have my first draft of my WIP done by then so I can start a new MG project I've been thinking about for years now. I do have a lot going on, though, the next couple of months, so I'm not sure how successful I will be, but at least it will get me started!

jtrylch13 said:

Christabelle - I'm going to check out your query. I'm working on mine right now too, so I've been spending a lot of time in QLH.

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Thanks! Do you still need help on yours? I'll return the crit if you want.

I have an idea for a novel. The protagonist in my head is 12-13ish, but I kind of have the feeling it's too dark to be an MG novel. Maybe I should just write it for adults.

Hapax Legomenon said:

I have an idea for a novel. The protagonist in my head is 12-13ish, but I kind of have the feeling it's too dark to be an MG novel. Maybe I should just write it for adults.

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Or you could age the character up to 14-15, and do something dark on the lower end of YA. Not sure if that would work, but it is a thought if you want to go that direction.

Lillith, you beta read my short story "With Polish," right? That's what I'm basing this idea off of.

I guess aging the character up a couple years and calling it YA is an option, but I do feel like there's a heavy obligation for romance in YA and I just... really do not want any romance in this story at all.

Hapax Legomenon said:

Lillith, you beta read my short story "With Polish," right? That's what I'm basing this idea off of.

I guess aging the character up a couple years and calling it YA is an option, but I do feel like there's a heavy obligation for romance in YA and I just... really do not want any romance in this story at all.

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I think so, or I remember betaing one of your stories at least. I think it had a different name at the time though. If YA holds too much of a push for romance you certainly could do the story as an adult story. I'd be happy to beta whenever you have enough done that you feel ok letting other people see it.

Hapax Legomenon said:

Lillith, you beta read my short story "With Polish," right? That's what I'm basing this idea off of.

I guess aging the character up a couple years and calling it YA is an option, but I do feel like there's a heavy obligation for romance in YA and I just... really do not want any romance in this story at all.

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My WIP has zero romance and my agent can't wait for me to finish so we can sub it. Romance is not a necessary component of YA. I've been hearing a lot more people saying they want YA with strong friendship elements over romance. Now, with NA there seems to be a heavy obligation for romance, but with YA, you're free to explore.

Is that it now? Is that maybe... the next big thing in YA? *gasp*

Anyway, it's just... this is the third first draft of Beware The Wolves I've written and maybe I'm just starting to feel burned out because at this point it's been over a year.