You're probably not being played, but this "deal" is not in your favor nor is what the screenwriter proposing how it's "usually" done.
The best course of action -- if you approve of the screenwriter -- is to hand this off to your agent. Your agent will know the details of your publishing contract regarding what rights you can "distribute".
Barring that...
The screenwriter can option your novel for a set period of time, say six months with a renewable option for six months. You should get paid a nominal fee for that option, which should be detailed in a short contract -- anywhere from $1 to, say, $1000 or more. During this time, it's expected that the screenwriter will be adapting your novel and trying to set it up with a production entity.
If the option expires, or the screenwriter doesn't pay up, all rights revert back to you, period. And this means even if the screenwriter has written an adaptation.
Your contract can state that you will get, say, 50% of the writer's fee, minus the option monies. For a production company to sign on, you will have to sign off, however, as they will buy the work and rights outright.
If the screenwriter is a student, or someone you like, you can always give them a shot at writing the screenplay on the condition (spelled out in a short contract) that you can accept or reject the finished work. Then, if you like what she's done with it, you can enter into an agreement where she can shop it around. Credit is very important: story by you; screenplay by her, and it needs to say that on the first page.
What she's asking you -- perhaps unwittingly -- is to give your work away for her to do what she wants with it.
The answer should be NO, unless she has major credits on produced feature films. If that's the case, even a $1 option is not a bad thing as she would be working on spec for the both of you.
You're in the driver's seat -- don't let anybody try and tell you what the process is as it literally is different in every circumstance. Determine what you feel comfortable doing and if you want to do things in steps, that's up to you.
Good luck!
I'd love some advice.
A screenwriter/actress contacted me with questions about one of my novels - which was published in hardcover by a small press in 2012 - and after emailing back and forth several times answering her questions about characters and plot, I asked her about the process. According to her, I'm supposed to work with her, she writes the screenplay, and if/when she sells it, we both get paid.
Is this how it's done? I don't know whether to answer more of her detailed questions about the plot or if I'm being played.
Thanks, y'all. Any help/advice would be appreciated.