I don't know what Uncle Jim is going to advise. He is a very wise man, so you should probably ignore this posting and wait for his.
Still, I shall offer my opinion: I think you're sabotaging yourself. Don't do that.
That sounds ridiculously easy but I'm serious. Just don't do it. It brings to mind something that happened many moons ago. For some reason, a certain long haired girl realized that when she pulled on her hair, a few strands came out. She started getting worried and meanwhile, she keeps tugging it and every time she does, more strands came out.
The next time she sees her doctor, she tells him, "I'm getting worried because every time I pull on my hair, some comes out," and he says, "Quit pulling on your hair."