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Replace dialogue tags (said, answered, replied, asked) with...?

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dpaterso

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Someone stops you in the street and asks you for directions to a place that's right around the corner, they're not going to benefit from a three-hour discussion of the city's gridlocked traffic system and ways to make it flow better. Just tell them how to get where they're going. Point a finger and let them continue on their way.

It doesn't have to get this difficult or complicated every time, is all I'm suggesting. If even the simplest question spawns page after page of bloated analysis, debate and sidetracked arguments, no one's ever going to get some writing done.

-Derek
 

burgy61

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I like to play with the red pencil... FWIW:

Why is this in present tense? The time line for this story is Jan. and Feb. of 2009 so I thought that was the way to write it.

After reading your comments I went over the WIP and found out I use "he" way to much in dialogue. Thanks Cyia for pointing that out, your help is really appreciated.

As this is a thread about dialogue I thought it was the right place to ask my question. If it was not I do apologize.

Thank-you Horserider for starting this thread it has been very helpful.
 
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Toothpaste

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It is present tense because you use "is" instead of "was". There is nothing wrong with writing in present tense so long as you know you are doing it. For what it's worth however, most novels are written in past tense. Not that that matters, you can write whatever you want however you want, so long as it's good, but just FYI.
 

maestrowork

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Who decided that whisper is allowed? How did they come up with the number three for how many are allowed afterwards? What happens if someone uses four? What happens if someone uses four and the publisher goes ahead and publishes it anyway?

Cheers,
Rob

You don't understand rhetoric or sarcasm?

Of course, you also missed that I was appointed the Ambassador of the English Language.

Otherwise, refer to NeuroFizz's post. I think he understood me perfectly.
 
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maestrowork

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Oh, those were all from the same novel. Sure, he won the Booker.

On the same page?

While I don't agree with some of the choices (such as "he said grumpily" -- to me, that's just a bit funny), note that Ishiguro did not use anything but the very basic "said" or "asked." The adverbs add subtle "nuances" to the way it's spoken that may not be easily detected by context alone (e.g. "he said sternly"). As I said in another post, attributed dialogue tags (such as "he said thoughtfully") is fine on occasion to add nuance to the speech.


(Some people have said that they didn't think "ask" is necessary because a question is a question -- I think "ask" is fine -- it's the equivalence of "said" for questions. I mean, yeah, it's a question so of course it's being asked. But by the same logic, should we not use "said" because, of course, it's being said.)


So, listen, folks. Do what you will and snarl, growl, hiss, laugh, spit, screech, and retort your way through pages of dialogue. Some people -- some published authors and editors -- have given their opinions on this topic (time and again, may I add). It's your choice to heed the advice or not.
 
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Karen Duvall

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Today I read an excerpt from a new novel I plan on buying when it's released in April, and came across these gems:

“If only it was that simple,” Eve groused. “How can I go on vacation when I’m surrounded by work? Besides, they stink even when I’m ignoring them.”

“All I smell is you,” he purred, leaning over to nuzzle his nose against her cheek. “Yum.”

I really, really had to think about whether or not I'd subject myself to more of this kind of dialogue tag abuse, but the rest of the excerpt was great and showed no additional signs of blatant amateurism, so I caved. It's on my amazon wishlist. I hope I won't be sorry.
 

NeuroFizz

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Let us know if anyone ejaculates a line of dialogue that isn't, "Ung, ung, ung, Gaaaaaaa."
 

Cranky

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I have to admit I've been known to add a few adverbs to my dialogue tags, especially in the first draft. I also have a real problem with using way too many dialogue attributions, period, but I'm working on that, lol.

That said, I cut as many as I possibly can (which ends up being most) on revision. They really aren't necessary if I've written the dialogue or the beats correctly, and they instead tend to drag the entire work down. Cutting them is really liberating. ;)
 

NeuroFizz

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For others who may be a big wigged, it's a joke about using "he ejaculated" as a dialogue tag (to be a more florid version of spitting or spurting the lines), and a parody of the "variety of attributions" idea.
 

rugcat

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For others who may be a big wigged, it's a joke about using "he ejaculated" as a dialogue tag (to be a more florid version of spitting or spurting the lines), and a parody of the "variety of attributions" idea.
We're entering Tom Swiftie territory.

"Sorry, I lost control," he ejaculated.
 

BAY

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I found myself cringing when I slipped in an exclamation point in the middle of a war scene. Not because it wasn't needed, but because I try to avoid them. For the record, this thread has been informative on many levels.
 

nevada

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I found myself cringing when I slipped in an exclamation point in the middle of a war scene. Not because it wasn't needed, but because I try to avoid them. For the record, this thread has been informative on many levels.

I think that it being a war scene automatically allows you the use of two exclamation points. It's war! War, I tell you!
 

Karen Duvall

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Moonrat speaks to Overwriters on her blog here, and offers a list of her pet peeves when it comes to those who overwrite. Check this out:

-Most of your problems come down to dialogue tags. It's ok to use the word "said," even if you use it more than once. Really. You can just say "Jackie said" instead of "Jackie sneered jeeringly" or "Jackie continued her bombastic harangue, her outraged grimace flickering as a sympathetic smirk fought its way to the surface." Repeat after me: WORDS SPEAK LOUDER THAN DIALOGUE TAGS.
 

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I'm new here but wanted to add my two cents. This is a huge pet peeve with me. A friend of mine explained it best this way, the dialogue tags, "said" and "ask" are invisible to the reader. Using anything else jars the reader out of the story, even if just for a moment. And that's something you never want.
 

RobJ

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I'm new here but wanted to add my two cents. This is a huge pet peeve with me. A friend of mine explained it best this way, the dialogue tags, "said" and "ask" are invisible to the reader. Using anything else jars the reader out of the story, even if just for a moment. And that's something you never want.
I assume when your friend refers to 'the reader' she's referring to one specific reader who finds anything other than 'said' and 'ask' distracting. Many of the most popular classic and contemporary authors use words other than these in their novels, and it appears to be no barrier to success. Readers in general, then, don't appear to have much of a problem with it.

Cheers,
Rob
 
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Makai_Lightning

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I assume when your friend refers to 'the reader' she's referring to one specific reader who finds anything other than 'said' and 'ask' distracting. Many of the most popular classic and contemporary authors use words other than these in their novels, and it appears to be no barrier to success. Readers in general, then, don't appear to have much of a problem with it.

Cheers,
Rob

It's only when you have an overload of all the wrong tags it becomes a problem. Some ways people tag speech just sound horrific.

Readers, in general, don't have a problem with it unless you do it wrong or you can give them reason to overlook what you did do wrong. If it flows, it flows. If it doesn't, it needs work.

Same as with much else.
 
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If writing draws attention to itself rather than the story, then it becomes 'wrong'.
 

cameronknight

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Hey, just leaping onto the bandwagon here. I asked my daughter (18 years old, smart girl, A student, avid reader of the usual YA fodder) her opinion and explained the generally accepted view of said-bookisms and tom swifties. She blinked a couple of times, stared at me for a moment, then said "That's stupid." I asked her to elucidate. She marched up to her room and brought down an armful of books: Harry Potter, Twilight, New Moon and the like. She unloaded them onto the coffee table and started to flip through, citing many, MANY examples of the afore-mentioned -isms and -ifties. Then she folded her arms and declared "If all these books only used 'said', they would never have been published because they would be so boring nobody would read them!" She then added "If said-bookisms aren't allowed then why were these published and furthermore, why are they the absolute top bestsellers in their genre?!"

Just thought you guys might like the current opinion from a recent high school grad ... not saying i agree with her ... but it's interesting to get a reader's thoughts.


Cam.
 

James81

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Ha ha, I love the dialogue tag nazis. :roll:

This is another one of those rules where 98% of the time you should use:

said, replied, asked OR replace a tag with some form of action OR use no tag at all.

The other 2% of the time, where you want to add extra emphasis (key words) to the dialogue, you can throw out other things to convey what is being said. Unfortunately, I can't give you examples because it's such a rare instance that you want to do that that it's not really fresh in my head what I've used in the past.
 
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