Doing the Deed with a Virgin

You can focus more on thoughts and emotions, with an emphasis of the deed from a virgin's perspective whenever needed. Do what you think would be best for the story and most comfortable for you to write.

Your thread title alone will get views.

I would focus on her indecision. Her emotional agony. Push, pull. You can do this in a lyrical way.

If you plan to send it out to the romance publishers, you might want to check their guidelines for "heat levels" of certain subgenres and even change the scene to meet each one's requirements. Or check out similar books' "heat levels" even if you're going to self-publish. In other words, if it's a "sweet romance" or "Christian romance," maybe best to not get too graphic or make sure it occurs after the wedding or whatever.

But if you're not following those guidelines, playing up "first time" too much, especially with a woman old enough to have been in a convent for five years, seems kind of, I dunno, cliché or something. I mean, why spell out all the details if they're just the usual, expected thing anyway. Wouldn't it be more interesting to put in an unexpected twist, like they only do anal to preserve her "innocence?" Which would be hilarious, too. Oh, but maybe not very romantic. Nevermind!

oldhousejunkie said:

I'm just drawing a blank on books that I've read where the heroine was a virgin.

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Really? I can think of hundreds. Just from my keeper shelf - Betina Krahn's The Wife Test and The Marriage Test, Pamela Morsi's The Love Charm, Colleen McCullough's The Ladies of Missalonghi, Mary Balogh's The Secret Pearl... and I tend not to like virgin heroines. I know Bertrice Small's A Moment in Time and Blaze Wyndham featured virgin heroines, as did Johanna Lindsey's Prisoner Of My Desire, Catherine Coulter's Devil's Embrace, Seasons of the Sun, The Hellion Bride... a lot of older romance novels. Nearly everything Stephanie Laurens has written.

You can't throw a stone without knocking ten virgin heroines out with it.

I've read plenty of romances where the woman is a virgin -I read mostly historical- so no, you'll be in good company
Usually they focus on the brief pain, the fact that the man has to sort of control himself, take it slow (sometimes they don't) etc.
Depends also on who he is, how much experience he has had in the past, etc. He may bring her a cloth to clean herself, or even wash her himself (yes, I've read all of this, and the opposite too).

As the others have said, write it in the way that resonates the most with you. I've read scenes where the focus was mostly on the feelings and emotions, and scenes with more physical description. Usually, to be honest, it's a very brief pain and then the lady is fit to go to the shattering amazing climax with her lover; I wouldn't mind reading how her first time actually hurts so that they have to stop or finish very quickly -maybe you can not describe this encounter, but mention it as "well, last time you were sore, but now you're better so let's have more fun with it".. as you please.

As Queen of Swords has said too.

oldhousejunkie said:

I don't care for Catherine Coulter, but I'll take a gander at Stephanie Laurens.

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I feel the same way about Coulter's books. Start with Stephanie Laurens' Devil's Bride - it's the first and best in her Cynster series.

I'm not a particular fan of virgins either but it's pretty unavoidable in this case.

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Yay for non-virgin heroines and the writers who love them!

Seriously, there's one writer who's gone on record saying that all her heroines are virgins because she wants to reward her studly heroes with the love of a "pure" woman. Sigh.

I decided before I started writing that none of my heroines were going to be virgins, and since I write fantasy romance, that was relatively easy to do.

But then a minor character in the books started intriguing me, and pretty soon I knew I had to tell his story too. He's eighteen and very repressed. Yeah, I got me a virgin on my hands. He's also gay, so for the first time I had to think about writing M/M. My editor loved him, so she turned into a shoulder angel and said, "do it! do it!" Should be fun.

oldhousejunkie said:

For real? *head smack*

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Yep. Check out the Sable Hunter reviews on Dear Author. One of her heroines is even pregnant when she meets the hero... but she's still a virgin.

If I do the virgin thing, it's because my heroines are generally upper class girls, and barring rape, they probably would have been virgins. Not always, but historically, women were brought up to understand the importance of a good marriage and bringing something to the table that wasn't money. Sad but true.

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I don't mind virginity so much in a historical unless the author bends over backwards to keep the heroine a virgin, e.g. she was in a harem for a year but nothing happened, she was married but her husband was away/sick/impotent/gay/dead/all of the above.

Or if there's emphasis placed on virginity being the sign of a Good Woman, or if the hero is delighted to find the tamper-proof packaging on the aspirin bottle is intact.

I'd say the majority of historical romances have the 'deflowering the virginal heroine' scene.

Aspects of the scene I've read too many times for my own good:

1) At some point the heroine catches a glimpse of the heroic erection and wonders how on earth it's going to fit.

2) Against all anatomical knowledge, the hymen is located internally.

3) After a brief period of discomfort, heroine will have a mind-blowing orgasm. Possibly more than one.

Heh.

I like Courtney Milan's handling of sex scenes. She brings a lot of tenderness to an oft-written scene. Loretta Chase does a great deal with humor. One of her poor heroes was so terrified of deflowering his bride he was impotent for ages, until heroine took him, ahem, in hand.

Queen of Swords said:

Or if there's emphasis placed on virginity being the sign of a Good Woman, or if the hero is delighted to find the tamper-proof packaging on the aspirin bottle is intact.

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Love this.

This gives you a chance to "soften up" her husband. So the first time could be a lot more about being gentle and soothing and coaxing, etc..... I actually have the same "problem", only modern day and I can't wait to tackle his emotions as much as hers

I've written a ton of ladies in everything from historical paranormal romance to contemporary, but I write erotic romance so my books tend to be...graphic...and naughty, real freaky naughty(bonus points who knows the film that quote is from).

It sounds like you'd rather focus on the romance than the actual physical actions, but I'd HIGHLY suggest you get familiar with the hymn, where it is, and how it rips. It differs woman by woman, but only very, very, very rarely will the hymen be halfway up the vagina. It drives me nuts when I read that he's more than halfway inside of her and then comes to this 'barrier' he feels and she's all, just do it!

No, darlings, usually the hymen is at or near the entrance and for some women the tearing of the hymn hurts, but usually it's the push into the sheath, stretching the muscles and tissues, that hurt more. Once again, varies by woman ra ra ra. My point is, that when you do 'take' it, be aware of where it even if it's only a glancing mention of the practicalities of the act. Also remember that not every woman has huge amounts of pain or blood. If the woman's been properly stretched with fingers/an object it can be enjoyable.

Which brings me up to my second point. Lots of women that are 'virgins' don't actually have a hymen. Some from playing and exploring their body, others from tampons(not an issue in your case), etc. Might be a fun thing to write in the future the virgin that isn't a virgin. What would the husband say when there is no blood?

Ann

PS- http://www.wikihow.com/Lose-Your-Virginity-Without-Pain-%28Girls%29

What do they not have a wikihow for now?-lol- Shit, I could have used this in high school as opposed to our sex-ed teacher who hated sex.

dolores haze said:

3) After a brief period of discomfort, heroine will have a mind-blowing orgasm. Possibly more than one.

Loretta Chase does a great deal with humor. One of her poor heroes was so terrified of deflowering his bride he was impotent for ages, until heroine took him, ahem, in hand.

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I'll have to check out Loretta Chase... I'd been wondering if there was one where the MMC has to comfort her afterwards when she finds it really wasn't all that great and he has to 'try' with some other body part to get her to reach orgasm.

You may also want to check out Susannah Kearsley, whose paranormal historical/contemporaries normally don't deal with virgins, but also handle the first encounter EXCEEDINGLY tastefully -- so much so that Christian readers with a less restrictive mindset will enjoy them. Mind you, she makes it clear The Deed has been done, but centers the entire experience on their emotional life one with another, which is masterfully done. A winner in my book.

I just came across this little historical romance short story about sex between two virgins. It's very sweet and might give you some ideas about how to handle yours: http://roselerner.com/blog/2014/09/02/a-lily-among-thorns-short-story/

Moriar said:

I've read plenty of romances where the woman is a virgin -I read mostly historical- so no, you'll be in good company
Usually they focus on the brief pain, the fact that the man has to sort of control himself, take it slow (sometimes they don't) etc.
Depends also on who he is, how much experience he has had in the past, etc. He may bring her a cloth to clean herself, or even wash her himself (yes, I've read all of this, and the opposite too).

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Awww... crap. My MC does the post coital clean up. I didn't realise that was also a cliche. But I think he does it mainly out of guilt for his poor performance He does try to take it slow to start with, but she tenses up so much he can't move an inch anyway, lol. Then when she does loosen up a tad he tries to control himself, but gets over excited and goes off a little prematurely! Oh, and he's also drunk as a skunk, so hardly the perfect deflowering scene - I hope all that makes up for the cliche a little!

Moriar said:

As the others have said, write it in the way that resonates the most with you. I've read scenes where the focus was mostly on the feelings and emotions, and scenes with more physical description. Usually, to be honest, it's a very brief pain and then the lady is fit to go to the shattering amazing climax with her lover; I wouldn't mind reading how her first time actually hurts so that they have to stop or finish very quickly -maybe you can not describe this encounter, but mention it as "well, last time you were sore, but now you're better so let's have more fun with it".. as you please.

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Or in my MC's case, 'I know last time I was really drunk and rubbish, but next time I'll last longer, promise!' lol

Oh, and the scene is from his POV, but it switches to her afterwards. She is kinda surprised at what all the fuss was about, as she doesn't think it was all that memorable!

Kallithrix- Did you have a psychic vision of how I lost my virginity after homecoming?

Try this and see if you can make it work for you.

Make a list of the things the nuns told her and what she knows about the deed including things like who thought this up in the first place.

Then make a list of what she can feel. Unless your male character is an older man or learned his technique for a goodhearted whore he is not going to be so very slick at the job.

Make a list of things to make it more difficult for him, maybe she is stiff or shaking or she has covered her eyes, gritting her teeth.

Pick out the best from each list and put them in a logical order.

Now phrase her thoughts first in a jumble then make the length of her thought phrases coincide with the length of his strokes and then shorten each phrase to match his quickening pace.

Don't make it a 'how to' scene just what she is thinking and feeling. Your reader will feel at least some of what she is feeling.

Hey ladies love your points really valid, and I couldn't help smiling at some of them. Oh memories