Expressing a Character's sexuality

Prodigy · Oct 11, 2014

I am curious how some of you may have explored non-heterosexual sexualities in your works or possibly your favorite authors?

A running theme for me in all 3 of my projects is
1. Twins
2. Gay leads

All 3 are vastly different. Even though they share the two common themes. One(Gemini) is contemporary where their sexuality is a big focal point, the other(Taboo) is Fantasy where it is more or less not a big deal, and Abomination is Dystopian/Horror where it is a mild focal point.

How do you all express sexualities for multiple characters who are ALL gay but experiencing their sexualities in different ways? I have 5 characters in Gemini who are gay/questioning, however 3 of them are really the more focal ones.

Yet I am having trouble differentiating their experiences so it doesn't feel repeated.

1. Gabriel(Lead Character #1)- is fully aware he is gay and accepts it though he chosen not to come out of the closet for now. His focus in the book has little to do with his sexuality as he is struggling to get back to "normal" with a sexual assault looming over him that he experienced before the book began. He later meets Ben and develops a connection that begins to change them both.

Gabriel is easy.

2. Ben(Main Character)- Ben is Gabriel's love interest BUT for the first part of the book, he is in a committed relationship with his girlfriend of two years and he has not shown any interest in males Until Gabriel and he meet. Then it becomes a "Am I gay?" think for him and explores the psyche of someone's live changing from what they've always known.

It is tough because someone suggested that Ben likely is not Gay but bisexual...Even though I don't want him to be gay. But they said if he has been happy with his girlfriend all along without showing signs of gayness till Gabriel then he is likely bisexual. OR it becomes a "Gay Only For you" thing....

Which I hate as it does not seem realistic.

3. Riley(Lead Character #2)- Riley is more complex. He is the other Lead and Gabriel's twin, yet he has a more hedonistic approach to life. He has been promiscuous with a lot of females and has that reputation.

However, he is secretly engaging with males as well and hiding that secret from his friends and family.

The issue is...I have 2 characters(ben and riley) experiencing similar plots of discovering their sexualities yet both of them are going about it in different ways(Ben and the gf & Riley and sex).

Yet it gets even trickier for when Gabriel finds himself in a "relationship" with Ben as a secret while he has the girlfriend while Riley's plot with his friend with benefit has him struggling to keep it physical while trying not to develop feelings.

So both plots feel the SAME but different at the same time and I have no idea.

What are some good ways to explore sexuality...especially when you have 3 distinct characters going through sexual discovery in different ways?

meowzbark · Oct 11, 2014

To show that a character is bisexual, then I would have them notice physically attractive things about both sexes. It doesn't have to be in-your-face like they're caught with a porno or kissing box sexes. The interest just has to be there.

I don't think it's the same for a guy to be attracted to the same sex as a girl. Some guys think that if they have ANY attraction to another guy, then they're 100% gay. It's a cultural thing. While it's more acceptable for a girl to be attracted to both guys and girls.

Personally, I'm attracted more to girls than guys. However, I date guys. I just have never had that spark with another woman that made me want to actively pursue a relationship. It doesn't make me straight. I don't find guys physically attractive. If I see an attractive guy, I'm like...bleh. If I see an attractive girl, then I can be totally into her physically. Being bi-sexual is just weird like that.

Hapax Legomenon · Oct 12, 2014

Being bisexual is a strange beast. Especially if you're the type of person who when you're in the middle of a relationship you're like "hell yes you only you only you" but when you're out of it, or sometimes you look at things you found attractive once, and you wonder, "what the hell was I thinking?"

For me the whole bisexual thing came from realizing that I actually have had crushes on both guys and girls for about five years rather than anything about sexual attractiveness. It took me five years to figure it out because I am particularly dense.

If you have a male character who had a girlfriend, and then falls in love with a guy, well... He could have even figured out that he had crushes on guys before he met his girlfriend but he never really labeled it that way in his brain because it had never crossed his mind that that was an option. And that seems totally realistic to me because that is what happened to me, essentially. Then again truth is stranger than fiction.

Either way, unless Ben was never really attracted to the girlfriend in the first place, he's not gay.

Prodigy · Oct 12, 2014

See for me being Gay, I can easily write as a Gay male(Gabriel is easiest to write for in that sense).

Even Riley is easy to write for, Riley more or less is gay as well though he tries to force "straightness"

for Ben it's like do I want to make him bisexual OR do I want to make him questioning/gay like Riley, except they are both essentially the same plot point.

2 questioning gay males using females to hide/define their sexuality.

The_Ink_Goddess · Oct 13, 2014

I find the "questioning but not bi" thing very difficult. Realistic? Meh. Unpleasant for your bi readers? Yes. I am bi and I personally have really struggled in the past with internalised biphobia. A serious thing that I find myself actually wondering: am I *turning* gay/straight? Even though in my rational mind I know it's fine to be bi, I find it a difficult thing to reconcile in my HEAD. I feel like I see biphobia everywhere - even shows with great representation like Orange is The New Black seem to seriously ask, "is Piper ~turning gay~?" in spite of the fact that she's had romantic relationships with both men and women and, therefore, by definition, is bisexual. It's as if choosing one side (gay/straight) is part of some character arc, and being bi, in both the gay and straight 'communities' seems to be some watchword for "I'm trying to mess with your head" or "I'm not serious about my sexuality and I just think it's cool and edgy to be bi!" both of which are really messed-up. So tread carefully.

Hapax Legomenon · Oct 13, 2014

You know what, I agree with Ink. These are thoughts I have too... to accept onesself as bi means accepting things you have felt in the past and not rewriting them to suit whatever seems reasonable in the present. Accepting past you as still you is a remarkably difficult thing to do.

meowzbark · Oct 13, 2014

The_Ink_Goddess said:
I find the "questioning but not bi" thing very difficult. Realistic? Meh. Unpleasant for your bi readers? Yes. I am bi and I personally have really struggled in the past with internalised biphobia. A serious thing that I find myself actually wondering: am I *turning* gay/straight? Even though in my rational mind I know it's fine to be bi, I find it a difficult thing to reconcile in my HEAD. I feel like I see biphobia everywhere - even shows with great representation like Orange is The New Black seem to seriously ask, "is Piper ~turning gay~?" in spite of the fact that she's had romantic relationships with both men and women and, therefore, by definition, is bisexual. It's as if choosing one side (gay/straight) is part of some character arc, and being bi, in both the gay and straight 'communities' seems to be some watchword for "I'm trying to mess with your head" or "I'm not serious about my sexuality and I just think it's cool and edgy to be bi!" both of which are really messed-up. So tread carefully.

It does bother me that some people think being bi is a transitional phase. I've been bisexual my entire life. It doesn't change if I settle down with one person (therefore, one gender). Bisexual people can be in monotonous relationship just like gay or straight people.

Channy · Oct 13, 2014

I think it also depends on how much sexual activity you have Ben and his gf doing, like meowz said. You'd probably have an easier bridge to cross if he and his gf are quite sexually active and happy until Gabriel comes along... or maybe they haven't crossed that bridge yet. Maybe Ben's very nurturing and loving and affectionate; he kisses his gf, takes her out, takes care of her, the family loves him, but they've never done the dirty dirty. Maybe she wanted to wait but maybe he was just as willing to wait and didn't realize why until Gabriel comes along where, when they're together, everything comes to easy.

Sage · Oct 13, 2014

I think we absolutely need more representation, in pretty much everything, of bisexuals who are not "turning gay." I do know people IRL who consider themselves to be gay now and to have been straight in the past, but it is confusing to see so many representations of that particular sexuality in so much media (particularly in TV shows where the showrunners might decide Character A is "gay now," despite their opposite-sex relationships in the past).

Debbie V · Oct 14, 2014

It is important to keep in mind that you are writing people and not sexualities. As long as each character comes off as a well rounded human, the similarities in what they are exploring won't feel redundant.

Everyone questions their sexuality at some point. Some people shy away from this aspect of themselves and others embrace it more readily. The Golden Girls were all straight as I recall, but they experienced their sexuality quite differently.

Be true to each character as they explore these aspects of themselves. Also, keep in mind that your sexual self develops from your beliefs about and past experience with sex - even if it's just watching late night TV. What do they know about sex and when and how did they learn it? Were they taught certain thoughts and actions are taboo for religious reasons? Did they ever believe kissing gets a girl pregnant? This stuff will vary for each of them, even the twins.

Keep in mind that the rest of the plot may impact sexual behavior too. How much stress are they under? How do they cope with it? How much time do they have for romantic encounters? For thinking about how they feel?

Other traits impact this too. An impulsive person will react differently than someone who always has to think things through. This is why you have to know your characters and keep them unique and individual as well rounded humans.

Expressing a Character's sexuality

Prodigy

Mr. Incredible

meowzbark

Hapax Legomenon

Prodigy

Mr. Incredible

The_Ink_Goddess

we're gonna make it out of the fire

Hapax Legomenon

meowzbark

Channy

Me Gusta

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Debbie V

Mentoring Myself and Others