Grammar Nazi needed for opening chapters of fantasy novel

Raula · Feb 15, 2015

Hi everyone,

I have recently sent my opening chapters out to a handful of literary agents, with some positive comment but no take up. I received feedback from an agent this week saying my opening chapters 'weren't quite ready' and that I needed to work on my syntax more. Therefore, I am looking for fresh pairs of eyes to read my opening chapters and provide some improvement points.

The opening chapters come to circa 8,000 words.

If willing and eager, you may look at the full manuscript, but I do not expect this. I am willing to do some swaps for similar length projects.

Thank you for your time and consideration

P.S Due to patchy internet, I may take a while to respond.

Tinman · Feb 15, 2015

This may seem off-topic, but why did you feel the need to use the word 'circa'? Circa is usually associated with dates; it's jarring to use it there, even if it's correct usage (which I'm not at all sure of). Why not use 'about' or 'approximately'?

Also, I read part of your blog and noticed the same problem there. Why use the word 'rationale', instead of conclusion?

My point? I wonder if a grammar nazi is truly what you need. Maybe your writing is too stilted or too formal, and peppered with jarring word choices. I'm jumping to conclusions here based on the little I've read, so I might be wrong (wouldn't be the first time, lol).

Anyway, I read horror, and I'm the furthest thing from a grammar nazi you're likely to meet on here, but I'll be happy to take a look if you think it might help.

Regardless, good luck!!!

Tinman

cornflake · Feb 15, 2015

Have you posted an excerpt in SYW?

Usually people make the same sorts of errors - if you post 1,000-2,000 words or so, I'd wager people will spot errors that repeat in your ms.

Old Hack · Feb 15, 2015

Cornflake is right: use SYW before you go any further.

I have no problem with the use of "circa" in this context: but I do find the use of "Nazi" troubling. Do you really think that someone who is well-educated in matters of grammar, whose expertise and time you expect to make use of for free, should be equated to a person with such horrendous principles and beliefs?

Chase · Feb 16, 2015

I hope the last grammar subnormal who called me a grammar Nazi is still in a concentrate-on-writing camp.

Unimportant · Feb 16, 2015

Old Hack said:
I do find the use of "Nazi" troubling.

+1

Katana · Feb 16, 2015

I've heard 'Grammar Nazi' used by others in a comical way and didn't think too much of it. I don't find it any more offensive than 'Soup Nazi' from Seinfeld.

Unimportant · Feb 16, 2015

This person expressed it well for me, and recognised it as a problem over 15 years ago:

Although the English language is an ever-evolving organism, as its speakers we must use it responsibly. This responsibility includes reserving words for their appropriate meanings, especially those words that evoke tragedy and evil of such magnitude. The pervasive fast-and-loose use of Nazi imagery is dangerously desensitizing. Abraham Foxman, a Holocaust survivor and director of the Anti-Defamation League, an organization devoted to fighting anti-Semitism and other bigotry, has noted that, "If the language and images of the Holocaust become debased, we will lose the ability to identify and grapple with crucial issues in our society." By using words and names once exclusively associated with unspeakable tragedy in such an insouciant manner, we dilute their original power and trivialize the horrors perpetrated by the real Nazis.

YMMV.

Tinman · Feb 16, 2015

C'mon people, let's not hijack Raula's thread by debating the propriety of the term grammar nazi.

blacbird · Feb 16, 2015

Jerry Seinfeld famously made a lot of people laugh on his show's episode about the Soup Nazi. It's become a slang term in this context, carrying no political weight that I can detect.

Post a representative excerpt in SYW.

caw

Chase · Feb 17, 2015

Seinfeld's character behaved in a totalitarian manner to be dubbed the soup Nazi. I don't. Few here who give their time and expertise to help sort out grammar problems act in such a manner. The label is demeaning, even when a so-called humorous jab. My response to the underlying hostility is to ignore the request.

shakeysix · Feb 17, 2015

I'll be looking for you in SYW. Sieg Heil! --s6

Chase · Feb 17, 2015

shakeysix said:
I'll be looking for you in SYW. Sieg Heil! --s6

Here's an armband ya, Six:

shakeysix · Feb 17, 2015

semi colons and periods instead of a swastika please--s6

Chase · Feb 17, 2015

A geestika, actually. Much friendlier.

Old Hack · Feb 17, 2015

I repeat:

Old Hack said:
I do find the use of "Nazi" troubling. Do you really think that someone who is well-educated in matters of grammar, whose expertise and time you expect to make use of for free, should be equated to a person with such horrendous principles and beliefs?

Raula · Feb 23, 2015

Grammar 'Nazi' needed for my opening chapters

I'm re-posting my request for a beta reader because I am slightly annoyed that the first post was closed before I was given chance to justify myself. This is especially since I did say in the original message that I have internet problems, so would not be able to reply immediately.

The word 'Nazi' was not by any means, shape or form meant to either humour or offend. I am a History teacher so I am well educated in the original connotations of the word; however, like so many words the meaning can change over time to mean something different. All I meant is that I wanted someone to read through and provide thorough feedback.

As to my original request for someone to look over my opening chapters, I have used SYW before, with both this and other opening chapters. I'm familiar with how the forum works. I just wanted a more private discussion since, like here, things can often become heated on that forum when something is taken out of context.

I would very much still like a few people to give a small amount of time to read my opening chapters (about 8,000 words) and perhaps provide comment on particular grammar or syntax. In return, I am happy to look at your work. Thank you.

Laura

Niccolo · Feb 23, 2015

It's generally bad form to open up another thread in response to one that was locked. It was locked for a reason, and, from what I can gather, it was over the use of the term Nazi. I don't think using it again is going to help your case. Maybe change the title of the thread to avoid another issue? Just my two cents.

Good luck with this.

Unimportant · Feb 23, 2015

Raula said:
I am slightly annoyed

You know how the forum works. You contact the mod who locked the thread and discuss it with her/him. You don't start a duplicate thread.

If you look at the discussion engendered in your earlier thread, and in particular at the mod's reason for closing it, it should become apparent that your use of the term in question may well have driven off at least some of your potential critiquers. You may wish to consider that if you don't get a sufficient number of beta readers volunteering.

AW Admin · Feb 23, 2015

Locking this one too and combining it with the previous thread. Don't do this again. The fact that a previous thread was locked was a pretty good indication that there was a problem, and the posts in the locked thread, like the posts in this one, explain why there was a problem.

Moreover, locking the thread doesn't prevent members who might want to beta for you from contacting you, and if they haven't, it's not because the thread was locked.

Grammar Nazi needed for opening chapters of fantasy novel

Raula

Tinman

cornflake

practical experience, FTW

Old Hack

Such a nasty woman

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

Unimportant

No COVID yet. Still masking.

Katana

On the edge...

Unimportant

No COVID yet. Still masking.

Tinman

blacbird

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

shakeysix

blue eyed floozy

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

shakeysix

blue eyed floozy

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

Old Hack

Such a nasty woman

Raula

Niccolo

Unimportant

No COVID yet. Still masking.

AW Admin