Favorite lines you've written

Papaya · Apr 15, 2014

BethS said:
From the WIP--

You are a wonderful writer, and another whose style I adore.

Oh, as to when...I'm finishing up the last handful of chapters. Then it goes to the agent. Then it's out of my hands.

I can’t wait. I’ve wanted to get my hands on more of your writing for a while now.

Papaya · Apr 15, 2014

All these references to the sea made me think of this scene:

Progress was slow. The ship pitched and rolled in the storm, never settling. Twice, she fell to her knees, when the undulating boat got the best of her balance. Icy rain pelted her from all directions. She stumbled again when the boat lurched to the left, this time tossing her aside. Gasping for air, she lay on the deck, struggling to rise.

The vessel reared on another great wave, and the girl knew what would happen, one terrifying beat before she started tumbling towards the edge. One end of the boat was almost in the water, and she was rolling ever closer to the waiting sea. Hands flailed in front of her, searching in vain for purchase.

“Help! Help!” But it was useless, for her cries were silenced by the fierce wind.

The slanted ship swept her along, like she was nothing more than a speck of dust. Her only chance was to catch the side. Fingers closed around the lip, finding the surface slick with water. She grappled with the rim for a moment before momentum propelled her overboard, plunging her into the watery depths of the ocean.

oooooh · Apr 15, 2014

ArachnePhobia said:
As I walked down the phantom railroad with ripped-up balloon tied around my waist, naught but evenly-spaced steel bars keeping me from the brackish nothing stretching forever beneath them by sticking out of the concrete in a halfhearted imitation of train tracks, I wondered aloud, “How do I get myself into these messes?”

[...]

I'm intrigued. I WANT MORE.

BethS · Apr 15, 2014

Papaya said:
All these references to the sea made me think of this scene:

Oh dear! I hope she makes it. That was vivid.

And also -- thanks!

Inky · Apr 15, 2014

Would it be tacky of me to pull rank and demand his gloves?

Sonsofthepharaohs · Apr 16, 2014

Anyone ever had a morning like this? lol

Djehuty woke to vicious sunlight stabbing at his eyelids. He tried to swallow and groaned. His mouth was dry as the month of Mesore, his skin was hot and clammy, and there was a sickening pain pulsing at the base of his skull. And something else was wrong, but through the haze of wine fumes it took him a moment to work out what.

The space beside him was empty.

guttersquid · Apr 16, 2014

Interesting, PandaMan, that you criticized one of my sentences for containing seven nouns, saying that was too many for a reader to keep track of. Then you post this sample of favorite lines you've written, where the first sentence contains eight nouns, and the third contains ten. So, I guess it's not a goose and gander thing?

(Not picking a fight; just having some fun.)

PandaMan said:
At the first hint of starlight, when Elon put his arms around the warm weight of her body, their lips met for the very first time. Time fell like snow melting high into a mountain stream. Drop by drop, wet skin of desire, dissolved into the moisture of her night; falling, tumbling, humming through her bouldered ravines, gathering their love and turning their stones to the sea.

Charlie Horse · Apr 16, 2014

Short but effective:

Pearce stood up. Had he waited a moment longer he would have curled up into a ball and never moved again.

guttersquid · Apr 16, 2014

Charlie Horse said:
Short but effective:

Pearce stood up. Had he waited a moment longer he would have curled up into a ball and never moved again.

Yep. Short but effective. Don't think you need the second "up," though. "Curled into a ball" would do fine.

Charlie Horse · Apr 16, 2014

guttersquid said:
Yep. Short but effective. Don't think you need the second "up," though. "Curled into a ball" would do fine.

Agreed.

LupineMoon · Apr 16, 2014

From WIP #1, which got combined with WIP #2:
Prologue:

"If you were to die tomorrow, what would you regret not doing?"
We stared at him, dumfounded, fifteen of us, ranging in age from thirteen to seventeen, being confronted with our mortality on a warm summer day in June.

Chapter 1:
She was the addiction, I couldn't get rid of, the drugs I couldn't stop using. But in the end, it was her betrayal that gave me the strength to leave.

And from something completely different:

That was all she had now, the haunting laughter of the little boy who was supposed to save her.

kkbe · Apr 17, 2014

Really enjoying these recent excerpts; each, a little treasure. . .

lexxi · Apr 17, 2014

"...came upon an adorable little old man in lederhosen named Hans. The man, not the lederhosen, which were in fact named Arnold."

And then much later in the story,

"It was an adorable little old man in lederhosen named Arnold. The lederhosen, not the man, who as you know was called Hans."

southbel · Apr 17, 2014

From my WIP (YA contemporary):

If that lie never happened, I wonder if things would have been different. But I guess that’s the thing about lies. You never know where they can lead you. So maybe that’s why I do it. I lie for the adventure of the outcome.

J.S.Fairey · Apr 17, 2014

Just found this line which I'd forgotten I'd written, though now I've found it I do remember sitting for about ten minutes trying to phrase it. It may well be my favourite thing I've ever written (just to add context, the person she's thinking of has kicked the proverbial bucket):

There was only one person for her, and they had one crucial difference: he was ashes, and she was scars.

WriteMinded · Apr 18, 2014

Everyday I find something on this thread that makes me smile. Then I wonder why I never post anything here. Hmm.

Charlie Horse · Apr 18, 2014

WriteMinded said:
Everyday I find something on this thread that makes me smile. Then I wonder why I never post anything here. Hmm.

You just did.

ohheyyrach77 · Apr 18, 2014

This is one of my favorite threads...If we could send agents scenes instead of queries we would all definitely be getting published!

randi.lee · Apr 18, 2014

lexxi said:
"...came upon an adorable little old man in lederhosen named Hans. The man, not the lederhosen, which were in fact named Arnold."

And then much later in the story,

"It was an adorable little old man in lederhosen named Arnold. The lederhosen, not the man, who as you know was called Hans."

Love this!

guttersquid · Apr 18, 2014

southbel said:
I lie for the adventure of the outcome.

I love that sentence.

Charlie Horse · Apr 18, 2014

Now they were both laughing; laughing so that Pearce’s sides felt like a wildfire. Apparently the muscles used to express happiness had forgotten their purpose.

PamelaC · Apr 19, 2014

I like this only because I'm so fond of these two characters, and their secret revulsion for the people they serve.

Turning to Geoffrey, Phineas indicated the book now lying between them on the table. "And how fare your kings this morning?"

Geoffrey stabbed a bit of pie with his fork and paused with it halfway to his mouth. "Dead." He flashed a grin at Phineas and snapped the waiting morsel from the tines, still smiling as he chewed.

BethTurnage · Apr 19, 2014

My favorite line this week if from a short story I finished:

I understood then that out of all these gods, he was the one who stood between the perfidies of heaven and the final plunder of my soul.

Turhan · Apr 20, 2014

PamelaC said:
I like this only because I'm so fond of these two characters, and their secret revulsion for the people they serve.

Turning to Geoffrey, Phineas indicated the book now lying between them on the table. "And how fair your kings this morning?"

Geoffrey stabbed a bit of pie with his fork and paused with it halfway to his mouth. "Dead." He flashed a grin at Phineas and snapped the waiting morsel from the tines, still smiling as he chewed.

Tell me to mind my own business, but, shouldn't fair, be, fare.

chompers · Apr 20, 2014

I was reading something I wrote a while back and forgot about this, so it read like new to me and I got a good laugh out of it:

The camera adds ten pounds. And so does cake.

I have no idea where I was going with that line. Haha. It was just a single line. Nothing else for context.

Favorite lines you've written

Unfold your own myth. - Rumi

Unfold your own myth. - Rumi

the owls are not what they seem

Eat, Sleep, Write...

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

I agree with Roxxsmom.

Speaking in metaphors

I agree with Roxxsmom.

Speaking in metaphors

Huh.

bold enough for both those XXs

Bless Your Heart

Derailed

Speaking in metaphors

Awesome.

Certified Non-Genius

I agree with Roxxsmom.

Speaking in metaphors

Someone