I'm fresh out of cookies. Want some truffles? My hubby made them for me.
I'm wishing there was something I could do to help my sister, who is struggling to figure out how to support my nine-year-old nephew. He's very ... different. He's an extremely sweet and sensitive soul. There are many things about him that seem possibly spectrum-y, like small and large motor problems and a ton of fears that seem irrational, etc., but he is really good at empathizing and cares really deeply about other people. He's hard to pin down, but I guess he's really struggling and my sister's heart is just breaking. I know we have some mamas of "different" kids on here. So ... I'm not really asking for advice, but just expressing the situation, I guess. There it is.
I've spent extremely little time with him, but his parents have just set him up with a Google+ account, so I'm starting to interact with him a lot more there, and I just asked his mom if she thought it would make him feel special if I asked him to read one of my manuscripts and give feedback. She said yes, so I'm going to send one off. (He has his own Kindle and is very proud of it.)
My advice would be for her to read, read, and read some more, until something resonates. There are so many quirks that kids can have that are spectrum-y, but hard to diagnose. Once you figure out exactly what the quirks are, there are often steps you can take that work wonders.
I know a lot of parents who swear by OT for their quirky kids. I've watched kids in OT, and honestly, not really understood what the therapist is doing or intending. But, the results speak for themselves. I always recommend a good OT for kids who have these fears. Often it comes with a high level of intellectual functioning, when the emotional self can't keep up with the intellectual self.
For example, you can have preschoolers who totally understand about viruses and germs and that they can kill you. They also understand that having a birthday means you're one year older, and that the older you are, the closer you are to death. They have that understanding, but not the emotional tools to deal with it. Until the emotional self catches up, they are in a state of anxiety, and frequently the odd behaviors that they exhibit to deal with the feelings get hardwired (ie, habit.)
A good OT can help with those fears, although the kid just thinks they are playing. It's really marvelous the way they get results. I've seen kids who won't walk on grass or touch mud because of fears of germs and bugs, totally get over it and be digging mud pies a few months later, after weekly OT sessions.
As for books, it's hard to recommend, and I'm sure others here can help. For kids with sensory issues and anxieties, I usually recommend The Out of Sync Child. If he is gifted, there are a ton of other books I'd recommend.
I often order books for friends when they are trying to figure out their kid, and just encourage them to read around all these subjects, until something resonates and helps them find the answers. It really helps for them not to feel alone in the struggle.
Good luck! She's lucky to have you to care and support her.