The thread in which Haggis now talks to himself

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PorterStarrByrd

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The DRC? Why on earth would anyone want to buy the DRC? Have any of you guys actually been there? Sheesh!

But there's a much easier way for impoverished African countries to make a quick buck (no offense QW).

1. Declare war on the USA

2. Wait for the USA to fire a warning shot.

3. Surrender.

4. Claim billions of $'s in reconstruction aid.



:D

Been reading 'The Mouse that Roared" have you ?
 

Jaycinth

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The DRC? Why on earth would anyone want to buy the DRC? Have any of you guys actually been there? Sheesh!

But there's a much easier way for impoverished African countries to make a quick buck (no offense QW).

1. Declare war on the USA

2. Wait for the USA to fire a warning shot.

3. Surrender.

4. Claim billions of $'s in reconstruction aid.



:D

But, you missed the point. Cella is going to buy the DRC to shelter her over-taxed French Billionaires. If she gets billions in reconstruction aid then she'll have to hire people, and those people will want candy. In order to get them candy, she'll have to buy vans. If she buys vans, she'll buy them from Ted, and Ted will paint them blue. The blue vans will trigger an upsurge of National Pride in their billionaire infested country, and because of that, the candy-eating people will want flags. These flags will be blue, with blue vans on them.

Now, billionaires, as a whole, do not drive around in vans, blue or otherwise. Therefore the billionaires will inevitably insult the vans. When they insult the vans, they'll insult the people. Now, since the people are infused with National Pride, they will not stand for the insults and they will go out and get machetes and put them in their fists and hunt down the billionaires, slaughtering them all like the mindless python encrusted zombies they are.

If the billionaires are all slaughtered, they will not be able to pay Cella, and she will be forced to move to Crystal City and work as a GS-17 at the Government Accounting Office.
 

Haggis

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But, you missed the point. Cella is going to buy the DRC to shelter her over-taxed French Billionaires. If she gets billions in reconstruction aid then she'll have to hire people, and those people will want candy. In order to get them candy, she'll have to buy vans. If she buys vans, she'll buy them from Ted, and Ted will paint them blue. The blue vans will trigger an upsurge of National Pride in their billionaire infested country, and because of that, the candy-eating people will want flags. These flags will be blue, with blue vans on them.

Now, billionaires, as a whole, do not drive around in vans, blue or otherwise. Therefore the billionaires will inevitably insult the vans. When they insult the vans, they'll insult the people. Now, since the people are infused with National Pride, they will not stand for the insults and they will go out and get machetes and put them in their fists and hunt down the billionaires, slaughtering them all like the mindless python encrusted zombies they are.

If the billionaires are all slaughtered, they will not be able to pay Cella, and she will be forced to move to Crystal City and work as a GS-17 at the Government Accounting Office.
Can she sell the DRC at a loss and claim a tax credit?
 

Haggis

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She owns the country, she writes the tax law.
Excellent observation.

I suppose then that she can also confiscate the wealth of the dead French billionaires as some sort of death tax if she so wishes, amiright?
 

Haggis

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No.

You are totally wrong.




The NEW law says she has to spend it all on Jameson.
See, this is why I love you. You think of everything.

Well, almost everything.

*scritch, scritch, scritch...*

No.

You are totally wrong.




The NEW law says she has to spend it all on Jameson and Lagavulin.

:D
 

Jaycinth

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There are a lot of fists in the DRC, and those fists are going to be wanting candy.






Van loads of it.


Hundreds of dozens of van loads.



We're talking the DRC.





She'll need a fleet.
 

Silent Rob

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Well, that's a great question, haggis.

But I have an even greaterer answer:


Get on the bike, bitch.


<--------------------------------------
 

GailD

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There are a lot of fists in the DRC, and those fists are going to be wanting candy.

Cella could simply hand out more machetes and all the cheap scotch, and then wait until the population has decreased. Then she could go in and remove all the minerals and natural resources and make even more billions.


About that fleet, Harris. This ^ is re-colonization!

What?

This Africa, dahling. The price of that Jameson is going up as you drink it.

:roll:
 

Silent Rob

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Tell haggis to get on the bike, pd.
 

cray

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good day to you, roub. *tips hat*
and to your little dog too.
 
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