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slcboston

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Granted.

You're a cat. You don't wear shoes. ... Graceful and steady may or may not be part of that package.



I wish the weather would make up it's mind. Either it's winter, or it's not, but pick one.
 

PorterStarrByrd

nutruring tomorrows criminals today
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It will be winter from now on, thanks god old muttonchops


I wish we'd get at least two inches of snow less than predicted for Thanksgiving eve
 

keiju

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Granted. The temperature heats up temporarily and melts the snow, but then quickly drops and it freezes, until you're surrounded by so much ice it's too dangerous to leave the house, and you haven't got your turkey yet...

I wish I knew how to sew so I could make my own wedding dress exactly as I want it.
 

Hannah M

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Granted. You have the skills. It's a shame the only material you can get your hand on is lime green sackcloth. Enjoy the wedding!

I wish I could unlearn how to sew so I wouldn't be in charge of 'costumes' for our school's production.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

It's way too difficult to make someone unlearn something, so instead there will be an "industrial accident" that takes all of your fingers. Now no one will ask you to sew.


I wish I knew what to make for dinner.
 

shakeysix

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Left over turkey! 15 freezer bags of turkey, stuffing, succotash (LOTS of succotash), sweet potatoes and marshmallows, green bean casserole, mac and cheese--(yes, mac and cheese, what was I thinking?)--cranberry sauce and 21 potato rolls are on their way to your house by genie express!!!!!!

I wish I knew what to make for dinner now that the wretched leftovers are gone.
 

jaus tail

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Granted. For a change the other members of the house will cook food while you rest on the chair, pat the pet cat and watch them work. This way, they make food while you make yourself happy.

I wish I had an army tank to drive. That way, if there's too much traffic ahead, I could just press some button and boom, a missile would launch from that elongated, hollow nozzle and hit the target, exploding them into pieces, few would dare to count.
 
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Hannah M

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Granted. You now have an excellent excuse for not going to work for the next twenty years. The prison guards won't let you out.

I wish my Nano novel would self-edit itself to perfection.
 

jaus tail

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Denied. Genie doesn't want any credit for the work you have done. Although, I can make the readers more tolerant and less intelligent for your unedited novel.

I wish all the diarrhea struck pigeons would fly over my colleague.
 

keiju

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Granted, but you're standing right beside your colleague when it happens, and, well, collateral...

I wish there was more raisin toast.
 

shakeysix

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Granted. Since we are probably the only two people in the world who like raisin toast I am not going to do anything wicked to your raisins. In fact I am blinking peanut butter and orange marmalade to go with your raisin toast.

Wish I could put raisins in my rice pudding but my whole family would rise up and smite me if I tried. --s6
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. The Genie has arranged for the raisins in your rice pudding to taste like cranberries to your whole family. Still a problem? Sorry.

I wish I had a magic wishing ring. Then I wouldn't have to bother the Genie every time I want a wish granted.
 

shakeysix

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Well, as genies go I am a bit deaf. I will grant you your washing ring and that should help your shirt collars stay whiter but, really, washing your neck every coupla days would be a better way to eliminate those nasty rings.

I wish I could find the recipe for the peach bread pudding that I made last year. It has to be here somewhere. --s6
 

jaus tail

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Denied. Genie cannot torment the guests by letting them eat that food. Sorry, dear but Genie believes in democracy and in the benefit of the majority.

I wish I were a porn star with six pack abs, giant muscles and lean bawdy.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You get your own "starring" role in a Japanese tentacle film. No worries, you don't get tentacles. Well, not of your own, anyway.



I wish I could stop trying to hack up a lung. I don't even smoke, for pity's sake.
 

alleycat

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Granted. Just tie a cord firmly around your neck. No air in = no air out. Problem solved.

I wish someone would clean my kitchen.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

They use one of these:

:flamethrower




I wish I had a tea cozy. Going to be way, way too many trips up and down the stairs today.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. The Genie sent you a nice tea cozy--blue chintz with gold tassel trim. Unfortunately, the Genie Delivery Man (who started early on holiday cheer) stumbled into your kitchen and broke your teapot. Try a tea bag.

I wish I could play the oboe.
 

Hannah M

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Granted. There's this new game called 'The Oboe' that's just been invented. Similar to Russian Roulette, really, only it's just you. Enjoy :)

I wish the glue would dry quicker.
 

jaus tail

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Granted. The moment glue is ejected from the tube, it dries. It ends up with the customers getting unsatsifed and refusing to get fooled again into buying useless glue. They switch to duct tapes. The duct tape sales rise exponentially. And no one knows that you own a duct tape factory and made this wish so your product could sell well.

I wish I were imaginary. All my friends are imaginary that except me. Life is so unfair.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You are now imaginary. You are some poor, sick, deluded soul's hallucination and... and... I can't do it. I can't do that to someone. No one deserves that.

Not even in North Korea.



I wish my internet was working better.
 

jaus tail

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Denied. Your internet is waiting for its salary for the last three months which you haven't paid and yet you have the audacity to expect it to report to work every night and show you pictures that your mama and daddy have prohibited you from viewing. Well, the internet is on strik and unless you pay it the salary of three months and promise medical coverage, it won't report to work.

I wish for a car that could fire missiles from its bonnet and if I pressed a button, then its tyres would expand into monster truck vehicles.
 

Hannah M

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Granted. But you park on a yellow line and get a clamp. Unfortunately you're out of money so you can't redeem your car.

I wish I could be in 17 places at once.
(Not the 'Rest In Pieces' type, please)
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. After careful study, the Genie has arranged for you to be in three prisons in Afghanistan, two prisons in Siberia, four prisons in China, three prisons in Syria and five prisons in North Korea, all at the same time. (In six of the prisons, you are scheduled for immediate execution.)

I wish Santa would let me ride along in his sleigh.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You're the coal. But at least you're going places this Christmas.



I wish I knew what was wrong with my internet.