Openings

pellshek said:

....

We do this anyway, naturally, in every story we tell.

So for example we start on "It was a dark and stormy night" but if we wanted we could have started on: "It was a lovely day. But by late afternoon it started to get overcast. Clouds rolled in. It was a dark and stormy night".

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see, again I disagree. This is heavy on dry narration, but depending on the setup there's absolutely no reason it couldn't work. Even a single line at the end could change the entire tone:

"It was a lovely day. But by late afternoon it started to get overcast. Clouds rolled in. It was a dark and stormy night. Christ, the day was almost the perfect mirror for the three years of her marriage: bliss, a period of darkening, and then a full tempest."

quicklime said:

maybe. A lot depends.

at the same time, I'd be more likely to read a book that started

"The rice was dry, the chicken was drier, and the free wine they offered on international flights was, at best, piss-water. And right next to him, Bob's new wife was yapping away. Incessantly. He didn't know for sure, but had a hunch Paris was going to feel suspiciously like Hell."

than

"Bob took the key to their honeymoon suite with a grunt."


not that neither one could work, but if the "doing nothing" scenes aren't actually doing nothing, if they're being used for character development or other things, they don't need action or an inciting incident.

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I knew some smartarse was gonna come up with an example where a description of airline food might actually be relevant to the story. Looks like I'd have won that bet, coz my money was on that smartarse being you, Quickie

pellshek said:

Yes, maybe, but I think it's probably simpler than that. I think it's really just about leaving out stuff that doesn't matter.

We do this anyway, naturally, in every story we tell.

So for example we start on "It was a dark and stormy night" but if we wanted we could have started on: "It was a lovely day. But by late afternoon it started to get overcast. Clouds rolled in. It was a dark and stormy night".

So by definition every start is later than some event that happened before it. "Late" is relative. It's really about tracing back the action to a point where everything before that is boring/meaningless/not relevant etc. Start there, not earlier. I don't think it's a bad way in general to thnk about openings (of entire novels, acts, chapters and scenes - however granular you want to get.

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I've just recently started considering that, actually. Prior to that, I just wrote what I wanted, broke chapters with new scenes, generally. Didn't analyze, or plan. . . I can see how that could be folly. Not always, but sometimes.

Start with something interesting.

An interesting character. Doing something interesting. In an interesting place. With an interesting voice.

The only thing all bad openings share is being boring.









... of course, what one person finds interesting, another might find boring. So there's that.

quicklime said:

maybe. A lot depends.

at the same time, I'd be more likely to read a book that started

"The rice was dry, the chicken was drier, and the free wine they offered on international flights was, at best, piss-water. And right next to him, Bob's new wife was yapping away. Incessantly. He didn't know for sure, but had a hunch Paris was going to feel suspiciously like Hell."

than

"Bob took the key to their honeymoon suite with a grunt."

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Me, too. Definitely.

onesecondglance said:

Start with something interesting.

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I think this gets closer to the point. When people say to start with action, it often confuses new writers who think that they mean ACTION! What is really meant is something happening, which is something interesting. But a good opening isn't just interesting for it's own sake, it leads to the story.

Quicklime's airline food isn't interesting, but the character's description of it and voice in the situation suggest something interesting to come with the honeymoon in Paris. It suggests an interesting story will follow, and that's what I think hooks readers.

Melville's opening works because it promises a story of the sea, and then delivers. If Ishmaell decided to stay home, and had a torrid affair with his rival's immigrant bride, the opening probably wouldn't work at all even if the story were great.

quicklime said:

at the same time, I'd be more likely to read a book that started

"The rice was dry, the chicken was drier, and the free wine they offered on international flights was, at best, piss-water. And right next to him, Bob's new wife was yapping away. Incessantly. He didn't know for sure, but had a hunch Paris was going to feel suspiciously like Hell."

than

"Bob took the key to their honeymoon suite with a grunt."


not that neither one could work, but if the "doing nothing" scenes aren't actually doing nothing, if they're being used for character development or other things, they don't need action or an inciting incident.

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A good beginning, imo, makes the reader ask a question. One compelling enough to make them continue. Both make me ask why is Bob in such a bad mood. What happened?

The only difference is style. Plus this wasn't a fair start, one got several sentences and the other only got one.

The problem with dull beginnings is that the reader doesn't see any potential for intrigue. Yes, you can talk about the girl's hair being wet for awhile. Or you can mention it and then show that her car is in the lake. Now the reader is like, what? what happened? I must know more!

Or that Jim is having a bad day at school. The strange pains he's having. Then the sudden appearance of blood. Then the reader is like, what? what happened? I must know more!

In each there is something strange or interesting or horrible that happens. No one is bored, no one is checking themselves out in the mirror, no one is making small talk.

Kallithrix said:

I knew some smartarse was gonna come up with an example where a description of airline food might actually be relevant to the story. Looks like I'd have won that bet, coz my money was on that smartarse being you, Quickie

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one does what one can to fuck with the British.....

Lol, no way am I going to read yet another book with a guy moaning about his wife.

Start with a character in a situation. That's the best advice I have to offer, along with, don't go along for three paragraphs then suddenly decide to a) flashback b) infodump.

quicklime said:

one does what one can to fuck with the British.....

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NRoach said:

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Stiff upper lip, gents...

onesecondglance said:

Stiff upper lip, gents...

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I'm a lady!

quianaa2001 said:

So I've been *trying* to get some help and critique from the first three lines thread.

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Here are some first lines by good stylists.

There were crimson roses on the bench; they looked like splashes of blood.
The judge was an old man; so old he seemed to have outlived time and change and death. Strong Poison, Dorothy Sayers

Farrell arrived in Avicenna at four-thirty in the morning, driving a very old Volkswagen bus named Madam Schumann-Heink. The rain had just stopped. Two blocks from the freeway, on Gonzales, he pulled to the curb and leaned his elbows on the steering wheel. The Folk of the Air, Peter S. Beagle

The row of comconsole booths lining the passenger concourse of Escbar's largest orbital transfer station had mirrored doors, divided into diagonal sections by rainbow-colored lines of lights. Doubtless someone's idea of decor. Mirror Dance, Lois McMaster Bujold

"Lymond is back."
It was known soon after the Sea-Cutter reached Scotland from Campvere with an illicit cargo and a man she should not have carried.
"Lymond is in Scotland." The Game of Kings, Dorothy Dunnett

The island of Gont, a single mountain that lifts its peak a mile above the storm-racked Northeast Sea is a land famous for wizards. From the towns in its high valleys and its port on the dark narrow bays many a Gontishman has gone forth to serve the Lords of the Archipeligo in their cities as wizard or mage ... A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula Le Guinn

Are these beginnings ... 'Jumping right in?' 'Hooking the reader?' 'Starting with action?'

Maybe. But what I think these first lines mainly do is tell the reader -- "I can write. I won't jar you with stupid mistakes. I won't sound like the last hundred books you opened. Trust me. Keep reading."

One possibility is to write a simple, clear, straightforward beginning to the first scene.

job said:

Here are some first lines by good stylists.

There were crimson roses on the bench; they looked like splashes of blood.
The judge was an old man; so old he seemed to have outlived time and change and death. Strong Poison, Dorothy Sayers

This one grabs my interest because of the reference to roses looking like splashes of blood. I want to know who this narrator is who sees flowers and thinks of a murder scene. It also clearly promises a crime story of some sort, so I know there will be suspense, mystery, etc.

Farrell arrived in Avicenna at four-thirty in the morning, driving a very old Volkswagen bus named Madam Schumann-Heink. The rain had just stopped. Two blocks from the freeway, on Gonzales, he pulled to the curb and leaned his elbows on the steering wheel. The Folk of the Air, Peter S. Beagle

This one grabs my interest because the narrator seems like an interesting person to watch for a while. What kind of person names their car Madam Schumann-Heink?

The row of comconsole booths lining the passenger concourse of Escbar's largest orbital transfer station had mirrored doors, divided into diagonal sections by rainbow-colored lines of lights. Doubtless someone's idea of decor. Mirror Dance, Lois McMaster Bujold

This one grabs my interest simply because of the voice of the narrator. The snarky comment about decor is all I need to see where this will go. And I like stories set in space, so it's an appealing setting for me.

"Lymond is back."
It was known soon after the Sea-Cutter reached Scotland from Campvere with an illicit cargo and a man she should not have carried.
"Lymond is in Scotland." The Game of Kings, Dorothy Dunnett

This opening promises action and an interesting story. Illicit cargo and someone significant arriving in Scotland.

The island of Gont, a single mountain that lifts its peak a mile above the storm-racked Northeast Sea is a land famous for wizards. From the towns in its high valleys and its port on the dark narrow bays many a Gontishman has gone forth to serve the Lords of the Archipeligo in their cities as wizard or mage ... A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula Le Guinn

Eh, this one... well, it doesn't grab me particularly. There's hint of an interesting world with "a land famous for wizards" and obviously the author's reputation would be enough reason to give it a few pages. This is the only one that wouldn't immediately convince me to read further.

Are these beginnings ... 'Jumping right in?' 'Hooking the reader?' 'Starting with action?'

'Hooking the reader' - yes.

Maybe. But what I think these first lines mainly do is tell the reader -- "I can write. I won't jar you with stupid mistakes. I won't sound like the last hundred books you opened. Trust me. Keep reading."

I think these openings all do exactly what an opening should - they present an interesting character, an interesting situation, or such an engaging voice that we don't care about the rest.

One possibility is to write a simple, clear, straightforward beginning to the first scene.

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Aerial

job said:

Here are some first lines by good stylists.

There were crimson roses on the bench; they looked like splashes of blood. Good first sentence, very striking with the unexpected imagery of blood juxtaposed with the roses
The judge was an old man; so old he seemed to have outlived time and change and death. I find this second sentence a bit of a non sequitur from the first, except for the word judge, which has an association with bench. The legal diction, added to the blood, makes me think crime story. I'd read on to find out who is being tried for what. Strong Poison, Dorothy Sayers

Farrell arrived in Avicenna no idea where this place is, so adds nothing to the scene setting. could be fantasy for all I know at four-thirty in the morning, driving a very old Volkswagen bus named Madam Schumann-Heink. this grounds me better, because now I know it is probably contemporary. but still don't know where Avicenna is The rain had just stopped. Two blocks from the freeway now I know this is set in America, on Gonzales, assume this is a street name, but I don't like all the unfamiliar proper nouns piling up he pulled to the curb and leaned his elbows on the steering wheel. The Folk of the Air, Peter S. Beagle It hasn't hooked me, or thrown me out yet. I'd give it til the bottom of the page

The row of comconsole this compound word tripped me up immediately. tells me it's probably sci fi booths lining the passenger concourse of Escbar's largest orbital transfer station that was a godawful mouthful of a modifying phrase - i'd stop there had mirrored doors, divided into diagonal sections by rainbow-colored lines of lights. Doubtless someone's idea of decor. Mirror Dance, Lois McMaster Bujold The first two sentences were a slog to get through. I probably wouldn't have made it to the third, but it wasn't enough to redeem the first two anyway

"Lymond is back." oh noes! starting with unattributed dialogue!
It was known oh noes! passive voice! lol soon after the Sea-Cutter reached Scotland from Campvere with an illicit cargo and a man she should not have carried.
"Lymond is in Scotland." The Game of Kings, Dorothy Dunnett
eh... this one was kinda meh for me. I'd give it to the end of the page to see if this 'Lymond' was worth finding out more about

The island of Gont, a single mountain that lifts its peak a mile above the storm-racked Northeast Sea, missing comma - if this occurred in the book, i'd stop there is a land famous for wizards. From the towns in its high valleys and its port on the dark narrow bays many a Gontishman has gone forth to serve the Lords of the Archipeligo in their cities as wizard or mage bluh. another long ass sentence that could do with some punctuation. The writing is actively kicking me out of this one... A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula Le Guinn

Are these beginnings ... 'Jumping right in?' 'Hooking the reader?' 'Starting with action?'

Maybe. But what I think these first lines mainly do is tell the reader -- "I can write. I won't jar you with stupid mistakes. well, that just shows how subjective taste is, because I found stylistic and technical 'faults' with most of them that would make me dubious about the quality of the writing I won't sound like the last hundred books you opened. Trust me. Keep reading."

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My purpose was not to deliberately find fault with openings you thought worked, but just to show that what works for one reader may not work for another. Two of those excerpts would have stopped me reading after the first sentence.

job said:

One possibility is to write a simple, clear, straightforward beginning to the first scene.

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That was my approach. And I guess fair's fair... here's my first line:

[FONT=&quot]Bakwerel staggered towards the horizon over rocks that felt like hot coals beneath his feet. [/FONT]

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I think that first line of Sayers' is showing its age, tbh. Mostly today people would lean towards avoiding 'there are/were' constructions and think the use of 'looked' to be filtering.

Crimson roses lay on the bench like splashes of blood.

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Not saying it's better, but I think that's more likely to be the modern style, at least as encouraged here on AW.

I don't actually think it follows from the use of 'freeway' that the story is set in the US; it might merely be by a US writer. In the same context, a British writer might write 'motorway', even if the story were set in, say, Spain, altho I have noted the adoption of 'autobahn' for German settings. Anyway, there's nothing in that opening to entice me, nor in the Lymond opening, which flags up yet more whining about England vs Scotland and ancient grievances.

The Bujold opening is littered with adjectives. Yowsa.

I love the writing in the first three Earthsea books, but after that Le Guin seemed to lose the otherworldly feel. Shame.

A fish hook wearing a wiggly worm.

It is one of life's ironies that one of the hardest things to write is the first thing that you get to. That blank opening page - no title, no words, nuffink.

Middles are relatively easy. You just carry on doing what you've started. Endings can be tricksy, until you remember that all you need to do is kill of the Sean Bean character. Gimme the money shot.

But those darned openings ...

One piece of advice that I like is to write your openings last. Plough straight through the book to "and they all lived happily ever after." And only then go back and write "It was a dark and stormy night".

But I think there is something that comes before the opening. I know that sounds odd, but bear with me. Before the reader gets to the opening, they have to accepted the basic premise of the book. And that means that they will have subconsciously completed this sentence: "I want to read this book because ...."

Because it is set in a fantasy world.
Because it is exciting
Because it has lots of nooky.
Because it has spaceships a mile long

Whatever. That's the wiggle of the worm. A tasty morsel. It's not another damned zombie novel. It's about ... something I want to read. This basic premise should then drive the opening. Whatever the premise offers, the opening should start to deliver.

Then the opening is the hook to pull you from the premise into the book. That could be an action scene, a mystery, a question, a clever piece of writing, a character. In some respects, it pays not to be too formulaic. I'm starting to get a bit bored with the whole "start with an action scene" thing. I'm old enough and ugly enough to have read too many books that start with the James Bond-esque pre-title fisticuffs and implausible stunt.

So just give me a hook. Like a drug pusher trying to establish his market, give me a free sample of the good stuff that I am going to get addicted to later.

Some clever marketing bloke said that we should sell the sizzle and not the steak. The opening of a book is that sizzle.

So yes, I wouldn't start with the opening. Write the rest and come back to it. The opening (and for that matter the title) are one of the hardest bits to write.

BethS said:

Basically, what it means is that you're supposed to start the meal with the main course, forget the appetizers, and skip dessert. To which I say, hogwash and hooey. This is not a one-size-fits-all technique.

For some scenes, jumping in and out quickly would work well. For others, not so much. It depends on the needs of the story.

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Absolutely agree.

I'm not fond of openings that are too in media res and like to get to know the characters a little first, particularly if the beginning is highly emotive. Don't drop me into the middle of a fight scene or where someone's just lost their baby.

I need to be invested a little before I start caring about what happens to the characters. That doesn't mean there needs to be pages upon pages of set-up either, but it's like getting into a pool; I like to ease in a little.

*something* doesn't always have to be riveting action ... it just has to have some movement, imo, in a direction I think I'd like to follow. Quicklime's airline scene was an excellent example - I'd much sooner read something witty than a dry opening that starts with 'the body fell to the ground with a thud'.

Wilde_at_heart said:

I'm not fond of openings that are too in media res and like to get to know the characters a little first, particularly if the beginning is highly emotive. Don't drop me into the middle of a fight scene or where someone's just lost their baby.

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And we're back to having to explain the misconstrued advice 'start with action' or 'start as late as possible'...

*commits suicide by revolving door*

Kallithrix said:

My purpose was not to deliberately find fault with openings you thought worked, but just to show that what works for one reader may not work for another. Two of those excerpts would have stopped me reading after the first sentence.

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In Sayers, Beagle, McMasters, Dunnett and LeGuinn I did try to pick authors whose writing is generally considered to work fairly well. No way to pick five authors everyone will like.

Writers of this caliber show us that openings don't obey 'teh rulz' folks seem so anxious to impose. These are openings with unattributed dialog, unfamiliar street names, passive voice, and even long, complicated sentences. There's crimson roses on the bench with the dreaded 'there were' and the distancing, filtering effect of 'looked like'.

So very many rules broken.

Yet every word of every one of these openings is carefully crafted, deliberately placed, purpose-built, beautiful, intelligent. In every case these writers are doing subtle stuff ™ with cadence, atmosphere, voice, and emotional tone.

This is why the O.P. should, IMO, write the first lines in her best prose with the simple intent of opening the scene. Make it just, 'How do we enter this scene right here?'
Trust her prose to hook the reader.

job - nicely put. A compelling story with a good hook can be much more important than literary fireworks in the first few lines.

It reminds me of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner...

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
'By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
May'st hear the merry din.'

That opening has stuck with me for decades. Not for the language, but for the question it poses. What on Earth can be so important to make the ancient mariner stop three random strangers who are on their way to a wedding?

But a big part of the art is knowing where in the story to start.

Once! said:

It reminds me of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner...

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
'By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
May'st hear the merry din.'

That opening has stuck with me for decades. Not for the language, but for the question it poses. What on Earth can be so important to make the ancient mariner stop three random strangers who are on their way to a wedding?

But a big part of the art is knowing where in the story to start.

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Oh hell....Coleridge.... *has flashbacks to first year of English Lit degree*

At least he was better than T S Elliot. That's when I quit English lit and defected to ancient Greek literature

I don't hate EVERYTHING, by the way. Some first lines must surely have hooked me*. I just can't remember any of them, or find any good examples on my shelves. Every book I open, the first line just kinda seems a bit.... meh.

Which I think is another vote for 'it's not that important, no need to agonise over it quite so much'

*Best first line ever, IMO, has to be quoted in the original language to really be appreciated:

μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος
menin aeide, thea, Peleiadeo Achilleos

That's the first line of the Iliad, and it is engraved on my soul (or would be if I had one)

job said:

Yet every word of every one of these openings is carefully crafted, deliberately placed, purpose-built, beautiful, intelligent. In every case these writers are doing subtle stuff ™ with cadence, atmosphere, voice, and emotional tone.

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Indeed.