Writing a sex scene WITHOUT being too dirty?

c.m.n.

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This is a hard one for me to grasp. Since I started writing erotic romance for publication, I have focused really hard on writing the most dirtiest, sexiest scenes I can. Yes, those kinds of scenes that get you writhing in your seat (or bed).

In my latest book, I'm focusing more on the romance than the sex, but I would like to have a sex scene. I don't want to use the words I'm accustomed to using, though. Of course I don't want to use purple prose, either. And I don't want it a fade to black/behind closed doors.

Is there any way to write a scene like this? If so, what words or sentences would convey the right setting?

Have I asked this before? I feel like I've asked this before. LOL
 

Ken

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Read scenes written by other erotic authors. It's the best way to find out what you can get away with and what you can't. Then, if you want my advice, err on the side of caution a tad. No one will fault you for not going far enough, but they may if you cross the line. "What's up with this? Yuck. Gross!"
 

Persei

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Well, I'm not really a expert, but I think you could just keep it as vague as possible, using metaphorical terms instead of really objective, second-per-second description. The readers will know more or less how it happened, will know how it felt, so mission accomplished.
 

amergina

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Place the majority of the focus on the emotions and feelings of the POV character and not the physical mechanics.
 

snowpea

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I think instead of reading scenes by other erotic authors, look at scenes in the mainstream books and see how they go. I'm pretty good at writing sex scenes for mainstream, and I learned from reading women's romantic fiction. Particularly Alice Hoffman.
 

MonkeyPants

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I don't really read a lot (any) erotica, so I'm not really qualified to speak to that, but J.D. Robb's In Death series has lots of super hot, yet not super dirty sex. I have no idea what her Nora Roberts books are like, but the In Death series seems like maybe a good place to look for inspiration.
 

SierraLee

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I'd suggest practicing conservation of detail for all the physical aspects. Paint only the broadest brush strokes of where the characters are and devote the majority of your words to describing the emotions that relate to the relationship.
 

c.m.n.

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Thanks all for your input.

I'm going to try focusing on the emotion more than the mechanics and see if it fits. If not, I might be writing a romance without erotic bits for the first time evar! :D
 

Ann_Mayburn

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Place the majority of the focus on the emotions and feelings of the POV character and not the physical mechanics.

What Anna said. In my own humble opinion, and this doesn't apply to everyone, emotions are what get women hot, not slab A into slot B...well not only that. If I don't feel an emotional connection to the characters it might cause a little tickle between the legs during a sex scene, but no full on throb.(TMI?) I only get good and squirmy when I feel with the characters, both physically and emotionally.

I need to find the article, but I read somewhere about the physical changes a woman goes through when reading erotica and it's pretty powerful stuff. All kinds of different parts of the brain get stimulated and the out rush of hormones is intense because a woman's body is tricked into arousal by her brain which is receiving emotional input from the woman who is reading the book and connecting with that scene/characters/whatever.

My point....ummm yes write what feels natural to you. If it's forced sweet or forced spicy your work loses that flow, that style that only you can write. So do what works for you and don't fret about using too many or too few cocks and detailed description of the little bumps around a woman's nipple that goes on for two pages.
 

robjvargas

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Something to consider:

Don't think of sex as dirty. I don't mean to get into a philosophical or moral discussion here. I just think that if you can think of it as a intimate moment between two people and (as a writer) divorce yourself from the moral argument, you open yourself to the parts of these moments that get everyone excited.

The physical matters for me. Can't deny that. But it's not everything. I think it's important to acknowledge the physical side of it, and don't be ashamed of it. I think it shows when the writer is in something they're trying to tone down. But if you make it part of a whole "moment," if you know what I mean, then you'll be successful.
 

CharleeBeck

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If you are writing erotica, write it as erotica. The reader is still reading for the sex scenes, and if your sex scenes are limp, the whole thing falls apart. If your focus isnt on the sex, it isnt erotica. Banging doesnt have to be the point of the plot, but if you want to wright just flat out romance, then label it as such, otherwise your readers will be disappointed. Also, what Robjvargas said. An erotica writer calling sex between two consenting adults "dirty" is like a horror writer calling blood or monsters "yucky". This isnt a genera for squeamishness.
 

Roxxsmom

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In my latest book, I'm focusing more on the romance than the sex, but I would like to have a sex scene. I don't want to use the words I'm accustomed to using, though. Of course I don't want to use purple prose, either. And I don't want it a fade to black/behind closed doors.

This sounds more like a romance than erotica, per se, though genre romance can fall anywhere from "sweet and innocent" to "pretty darned hot" on the spectrum without being shelved with the adults only stuff.

Read some "hot" scenes in mainstream fiction or romances that are not specifically erotic but also don't close the door in the reader's face.

Sometimes you don't have to use a word for the relevant body part at all, but it's still darned clear what's happening. Describe that she/he touched him or her, and describe the consequences in terms of sensation and emotion.

It's one thing that bothers me about some pornographic or erotic works, actually. There's often the use of words that seem out of place in the context of the relationship or character/characters at hand. People can put on different personas in bed, certainly, but not every couple is going to use all those "c" words to describe their parts (or be naming those parts at all), or be thinking about the man's, um, attributes in terms of inches or whatever.

Obviously, they're written to appeal to certain fantasies rather than to be strictly realistic in most cases, but not all readers are the same either. If this story focuses more on the romantic elements than the sexual (so the sex scenes are just the natural conclusion of the tension that develops between the characters), then the target reader may want something a bit different than the typical erotica reader.
 
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dangerousbill

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This is a hard one for me to grasp. Since I started writing erotic romance for publication, I have focused really hard on writing the most dirtiest, sexiest scenes I can. Yes, those kinds of scenes that get you writhing in your seat (or bed).

I think in your case you mean 'explicit', not dirty.

Sex scenes can have many dimensions. I think a scene is 'dirty' when it's exploitative, or unnecessarily crude, or leaves me with a crawly feeling and a need to take a hot shower. For example, sex under duress, or selfish exploitation of a weak partner, or abuse or absence of affection.

A sexy scene is titillating and not repellent. It can be explicit without being crude. Two people wanting to give pleasure to one another out of love is a whole different animal.

In summary,
dirty sex --> hot shower
explicit, loving sex --> cold shower
 

rachelkramerbussel

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Maintaining the heat

I think you can do both in terms of keeping the sex hot without using explicit wording. You can even incorporate that concept into the story and leave a tiny bit up to the readers' imaginations, while conveying that what they are doing is amazing, as in, "I couldn't believe what he was doing!" or "Where had that move come from?" or whatever, and then making it clear that everyone is enjoying what's going on, and why. I always like to know why the characters are getting off, not just that they are.
 
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Elly_Green

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Try focusing on the sensations and the emotional aspects of the sex instead of the actual act. Go to the head (thoughts, feelings) and the other senses (smell, sounds, touch, taste) and stay there.

However, I often have a similar issues... try writing erotic romance without using any of the modern terms for body parts or modern slang. Damn difficult! :)